planning to break up with my boyfriend cuz of rocd

i have rocd and am in a long term relationship. i have a hard time differentiating between obsessive/intrusive thoughts about my relationship comingfrom OCD and actual gut feelings. for 2 years I’ve thought that i need to break up with my partner but i usually dismiss it because i think its rocd. now im worried that it actually means i should break up but i know that after i do i’ll be obsessing whether it was the right decision … does that make sense? don’t know how to separate rocd from “real” feelings

I can’t stop thinking about a time the thoight of cheating crossed my mind at a party and I was like “no it’s against my morals” and then started ruminating about it for hours thinking that maybe I should break up with my partner if I’m attracted to someone else I was cold and didn’t talk to the person the whole time ofc (I don’t really know them I just saw them that one time and they were hitting on me - which I rudely rejected and said I had a bf) I feel terrible. I feel like a cheater. I’ve been told I’m not but why do I still feel like I am? I feel like I betrayed my partner and I feel terrible and disgusting to the point I’ve been cutting myself.

hi guys, im really looking for advice right now. this is going to be a super long post with a lot to it so i apologise in advance! i know reassurance isn’t good, but i really feel like sometimes it really confuses you on whether something is bad or not? does that make sense? i’ve been with my bf a while now and when we’re good things are amazing, but when they’re bad they’re bad. long story short, there’s been many incidents where he’s been name calling me, including very degrading words such as “wh*re” and when he called me this a few months ago this summer, i was very upset. he took me out the next day to make it up for me but then i saw messages on his phone between him and his friends of videos & pics of other girls. some were half naked, some had better bodies than me, society’s desired body shape. keep in mind his friend is married and he’s doing this too. anyway- i see my boyfriend send a post of a girl that tried to make a move on him during a night out (which he was honest about) but he sent it to his friend and said he “shagged her” i feel sick even writing this still. he swore on his little brothers life, my life and god he was just joking. but it got to me so so much bc i felt so mentally drained from the previous days argument and now this. my anxiety was sky high after for ages. even now when i think about it i still have doubts. fast forward to two weeks ago, i saw more messages on my bf’s phone of half naked girls (even tho he was apologetic about doing it the first time round and knew how much it impacted my self esteem, confidence and mental health) and i couldn’t stop crying. the worst thing is i said to him show me the messages and he deleted them. there’s been a few incidents last year where he liked other girls pics too and claimed it wasn’t him. idk i believe him but sometimes i dont. like all of this on top of the hurtful things he’s said to me really really get to me so much. we had a convo about it just over a week ago and he promised to do better which is good but i feel the damage is there. anyway, i have very bad rocd in terms of cheating. like me being unfaithful. i constantly avoid other men and interacting with them. like i won’t even walk past them. even opening the doors to delivery drivers give me sm anxiety it makes me sick. i don’t go on social media after a certain time incase i message someone and don’t remember. so last week i had a party, and my fears were still there bc i knew other men will be there and i did avoidance still. but there was a moment when i was taking pics of my aunt and a group of guys walked past me and the attraction felt so real and different to all times before, even the GR. i feel so disloyal even typing this. i feel like i cheated. and im scared that bc this attraction was there (maybe fueled more by the ocd) what if i stepped towards the guys when they walked past? i know i didn’t make contact bc id feel it and id know (even tho im doubting this) but im scared that i stepped towards them out of the attraction which is scaring me so so much. like if i did i cheated right? my friend said no. but i feel so sick. i also feel like feeling the attraction was bad, it felt intense but this may have been ocd mixed in? idk? but then the other part of me is maybe i felt like that subconsciously bc of the issues with my boyfriend? im not sure, i feel very confused at the moment. i have the biggest urge to confess but im scared. i think im more scared because of the times my bf has spoken about other girls etc and he’d do it more. bc one time he said he’d do something with another girl if i did something and after he felt bad when he said it but i feel like its really impacted my nervous system. do i confess? did i cheat?