This mom is suffering 😪

This flare up is getting worse. So my son brought me a paper he needed signed for school yesterday and I asked him to get me a pen. As he got the pen I was just looking at him and unintentionally glanced over his private area and immediately freaked out with guilt. My ocd started telling me I was staring and that I wanted to look there. I know I wasn’t staring and I don’t ever want to look there. Anytime I accidentally catch a glimpse of my children’s private areas I always immediately look away and feel so guilty even though it wasn’t intentional or wanted but my ocd is making me believe I did stare and now the memory of it is blurred the more I try to remember it exactly to disprove the ocd. I feel horrible and I don’t know how I can ever get past this. 😪

Username: issphra 🫶🏻issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 11d ago

It’s okay, it’s OCD. I experience something similar with my family. My siblings and my parents. Strangers and pets too. Except I feel like I can’t stop glancing at that area once I’ve noticed it or remembered its existence. It makes me feel so gross but it’s not either of our faults. I’ve heard it’s called ocular tourettic OCD. Here’s a link to more info: https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/fear-of-staring-ocd

Username: hankypanky18hankypanky18

Date posted: 11d ago

something that really helped me with stuff like this is learned that a lot of the time, our ocd obsessions and intrusive thoughts are our worst fears. you care about your son deeply, and you’re terrified to hurt him, which is why you’re tricking yourself into thinking you’ve done something inappropriate to him. but you haven’t! you wouldn’t be having those thoughts of guilt and fear if you did something inappropriate

Username: Someone99Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11d ago

Stop trying to disprove!!! I'm beginning to feel like a broken record. 🙂

Username: Naturopath1Naturopath1

Date posted: 11d ago

Hi , I just wanted to let you know I am going through exactly the same thing with my daughters. This started for me about 2 months ago. I also replay the scene in my mind and the memory becomes blurred because of fear and the ocd tries to trick you to think you did look inappropriately but it’s not true, so I tell myself that is ridiculous , why would I all of a sudden be looking at my girls that way, one is 17 and the other is 20 and I never had these thoughts before until now. It’s the strangest condition , I have only told my therapist and husband. Thankyou for sharing your story, I don’t feel so alone now and I hope you don’t either.

Username: hopefulxmesshopefulxmess

Date posted: 11d ago

@Naturopath1 Ty for sharing that with me. It’s the most painful ocd theme i’ve ever dealt with.

Username: Someone99Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11d ago

@hopefulxmess You're continually in my thoughts and prayers. My apologies for making it seem so simple when I offer suggestions, advice. I know it's killing you inside because your kids are your world. But that's where OCD gets us, in the place that's most special and valuable to us. You're a wonderful person and mom, and someone I'd like to have as a friend.

Username: hopefulxmesshopefulxmess

Date posted: 10d ago

@Someone99 Thank you. I’m fighting so hard to get through this flare up and I feel so defeated. Having you and others post support reminding me what to do and not to let it break me is really helping me. I can’t thank you enough. Today i’ve been strong and not engaging with the need to disprove the thought but my ocd keeps saying “just think about it one more time” and i’m trying so hard not to. I already consider you a friend. You’ve shown me such kindness and support even though I feel like a burden. Thank you💕

Username: Someone99Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10d ago

@hopefulxmess Thank you for this. 🙂 I certainly don't want to seem like it's a magic wand or take 2 and call me in the morning type fix. It's difficult. It took me 3 months of ERP 2 times a week to begin to trust the process. I won't let you go. Even the "just don't think about it" thought may not be helpful. It was a compulsion of mine. I even tried to think of my favorite promises from the Bible when my ruminating started...yep, compulsion. You're more than these thoughts. They're just thoughts. Frightening, yes, but just thoughts. 🙏🏼

Username: 1SadKuma1SadKuma

Date posted: 11d ago

You got this. Maybe hugging a big plushie would help.

Username: I’m BatmanI’m Batman

Date posted: 10d ago

I often wonder how often a Pedophile googles “am I a pedophile”. Or goes looking for reassurance to confirm or deny. I’m guessing about as many times a narcissist googles “am I a narcissist”. Probably 0 as they are just what they are. OCD loves to toss in there a what if. OCD: “Well what if you are? How would you know. Tell you what, do these 5 compulsions and I will protect you”. I don’t know if you are any of the things above. What I do know is that OCD is a liar and does not have your best interest in mind. It has OCDs which is where does it get its next compulsion. Next time ocd flares up just tell it thanks but you are not engaging in checking or rumination. Thanks OCD for the thought. And move onto your next task or what ever you are working on. I know it’s not easy but walking was not easy till we took that first step. Sometimes grounding can help bring you back out of your mind and into the now. You have to be mindful you don’t make a compulsion out of it … but it can help when you are first learning how to live with uncertainty. Things like what do I taste, feel, smell, hear, see … things that bring you back into the moment. Good luck and I hope tomorrow is better for you !

Username: hopefulxmess

Date posted: 30w ago

Please tell me other parent have been through this

Lately my ocd is latching onto my children. In my opinion, for me, this is the most painful and most debilitating theme of ocd. My daughter asked me to help her wash and rinse the shampoo from her hair while she was in the shower because she has thick hair and sometimes she has trouble shampooing and rinsing it all out. A normal, common task for me. At some point I caught a glimpse of her private area and my ocd immediately tried to make me believe I looked intentionally. I know I didn’t and I know I do not think of her or any child in that way but now my ocd has me questioning myself. I was just doing what I always do so I don’t remember at what point I saw it. Was I reaching for and looking down for the shampoo when I saw it or was I reaching up to her hair and saw it as I looked up? Did I look due to just normal human tendency to look where we know we’re not supposed to and if that’s the case does that make me horrible? I’m driving myself insane trying to prove I do NOT feel or think that way about her. I don’t want to live if this is how my brain works. Ocd is evil and this is the hardest kind of intrusive thought to get past. 😩

Username: libramama88

Date posted: 29w ago

OCD Harm Mom Struggling 3 years later

Hi guys! I've turned to you before but a new situation occured today and I want to understand my response. Like I said I have OCD harm and it is surrounded about my children and my residents I take care of, whom I love with my whole heart. My youngest son is very physical and always on top of me. Because of my disease it drives me up the wall! I feel so bad but it really freaks me out. Long story short he was on me today. Hand wrapped around him. I had an intrusive thought " what if I did something no one would know" it scared me and I pushed through but my nerves were so bad I ended up pushing some part of my hand on his arm. I was rushed with guilt. I'm also fighting strep and just feel so guilty.

Username: Livelaughlov...

Date posted: 23w ago

Moms with OCD getting triggered

Earlier I was playing with my 1 year old baby. I went to go lower him to the ground and I hoisted his legs up to a hand stand (again just playing, he had fun with this) anyway after the hand stand, I went to lower his legs back to the ground. As I was lowering him, I noticed his “front area” coming down toward my foot. I acknowledged that his front area was heading straight for my foot and quickly in my head was like “eh whatever just do it” and so his front area landed on my foot and then I jerked my foot away once he landed on it. I’m shaking typing this, I feel I’ve done something horribly wrong and may have violated him 😭 this whole incident happened so fast. I wasn’t able to fully process my actions to tell my self “no that’s wrong, move your foot!” And now I feel TERRIBLE. I’m spiraling. The terrible thought of “your doing this because you like it and you know you would like it” did not cross my mind when I told my self to just let his area land on my foot. So I don’t think I did it purposely for ill intent? I would never want to hurt my child but ocd makes it feel so real

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