Why do I feel this way with my bf?

I have been dating my bf for over 2 years now and he is so, so patient, kind, caring, forgiving, understanding, and loving. He makes me feel seen and loved even when I can’t love myself. He has been with me through everything and we never once yelled at me ever. We sometimes get upset or disagree but we talk through everything instead of blowing up. He is truly everything I ever dreamed of and he is the man I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with. With that being said, that’s why I am here because I can’t seem to control my emotions sometimes. I blow up over little things and overthink everything. We are now doing long distance in college and it’s honestly a beautiful thing, but im struggling because I love my school and he hates his. We have always been a Christian couple who goes to church together and works to keep God at the center of our relationship. It is important to me and I know it is important to him, but since going to this school, he has started to become more sad and said himself that keeping up with religion sounds like too much work and he doesn’t really care about it. Neither of us also drink, me because I had a traumatic experience and him bc he was never interested. However, now he is becoming interested but it’s a very sensitive subject for me and I’m freaking out about how he is straying from God and becoming interested in things we swore we never were. I just need advice. I know College is a weird time. He is driven and not the type to completely go off the rails but I still have that fear lingering in my mind. Am I over reacting? If he does stray away, how do I stand by him and continue to show him love? I just have so many worries and I can’t seem to control them. And ofc I take those worries out on him. I just want to help myself so that I can positively grow our relationship.

Samuel1

Date posted: 33w

I'm not a christian so I'm not an expert on this subject, but i'll try answer the best I can. You have to let him explore a little bit. He may do things that don't align with your values, or things you dont agree with, but no one is perfect. And you will never find anyone who perfectly aligns with your values. Even within the christian community, I know lots of christians who drink. It sounds like maybe he is going through a rough patch, and you just have to give him the room to explore himself without judging him

Secretidentity

Date posted: 33w

I’m not a super religious person so I may not be too much help. But you can still choose to love him even if he decides not to be as invested with religion. You don’t both have to be invested. If he’s more interested in drinking some. Let him but also think about it. You said you have trauma with it so what about drinking triggers you? The drinking in general? The way people act when drinking? All those things and set boundaries. If it’s the drinking itself then tell him “hey so as you know drinking can be very triggering for me. I understand that you have become more interested in it and I don’t want to stop you but if you are going to drink can we set some boundaries with it?” An example of a boundary could be you don’t want him to call you if he’s been drinking but he can text you. Or maybe you don’t want him to contact you at all if he’s been drinking that up to you. I would say no contact isn’t the best decision if you’re an overthinker which it seems like you are. As for religion. Ask him even though he’s loosing intrest see if he will still go with you sometimes when yall are together. Try not to take your worries out on him too much. I know it’s a hard thing to do but if I’m in a state where I’m worrying a lot and I feel the need to contact my boyfriend and tell him all about them to make me feel better I like to take a step and write all of them down and try and work through them myself and then I will pick out 1 or 2 of my biggest worries and talk to him about those. And if you have maybe 6 that you consider to be a big worry. Rank those from biggest to smallest and those top two is what you talk to him about and then at a later date come back to that list and look through it again see if there’s any you can solve yourself now that you’ve had time to think about it and then you can pick another one or two to bring up. Hope this helps some.

geminileo

Date posted: 25w

Not doing well (vent)

Hi, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been struggling for the past month, it’s been a mix of ocd flare ups and depressive episodes. I recently got into a new relationship, one I was not expecting at all as I had just broken up with my long term boyfriend over the summer and was expecting the cycle of being alone for a few years and then dating again. But anyways, my current boyfriend is amazing and so caring and sweet, I told him before we even started dating about my ocd and how I sometimes need constant reassurance and that it can be a lot to deal with it and that I can become clingy and annoying and he didn’t even bat an eye, he just said he likes me as I am and that he will be able to help and support me. We’re dating long distance rn as I’m finishing up college but we constantly text and video chat/call almost every night. My ocd has been constantly gnawing at that and it’s causing my abandonment issues to flare up horribly, I’ve told him a little bit about my ex boyfriend as he was not a very good person, he was much older than me (12 years) and at the start of our relationship he was amazing and said he could deal with my mental health issues (I know no one is obligated at all) but I would communicate to him that it scares me when he doesn’t talk to me for weeks at a time, and at first he said he would try to be better about that but then it turned into him saying I’m annoying and clingy and that I bother him and that he just wants alone time but during that alone time I wouldn’t hear from him at all for two weeks. He also stopped caring about my interests and said I was annoying when I would talk about them and would even get mad when I tried to talk about my day. Anyways being in this new relationship has caused me to fear that my current boyfriend is going to leave me, lost interest in me or that he’s annoyed with me and hates me, which unfortunately has caused me to give into my compulsion of reassurance so I’ve been asking him a lot “do you still like me?” “We’re still together right?” “Have I annoyed you?” And I hate myself for doing that. He is so sweet and I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to drain him, i genuinely have never felt this way about anyone I’ve dated but it’s like he was meant to be in my life and we clicked instantly like it felt like we’ve known each other forever and I don’t want to lose him. My avoidance is getting bad and I’m trying to stop myself from pushing him away but I just feel so guilty and ughhhh it’s so frustrating. I just don’t know how to handle this, I want to be with him and I want to make him happy but I hate that my brain works this way.

Gmoki

Date posted: 22w

Relationship

I feel so bad I overthink abt everything my bf says and does. I think that if he doesn’t say x y z when I want reassurance then he must’ve stopped caring or is tired of me. I know it’s not the truth and he gives me NO reason to think this way. This is my first healthy relationship and I want to be in each others lives forever. I love him so much and I’m trying my hardest to manage these thoughts but I’m so anxious. It’s so draining I feel helpless and like I can’t go a day without checking his social medias. I want us to be the best versions of ourselves for eachother but idk where to start or how to manage this feeling.

cmax20

Date posted: 22w

Religious OCD and romantic relationships

I have grown up in a Christian community and kind of always been around people who believe Christianity or even catholic. In the past few years I’ve really dove deep into my faith and honestly felt good about myself sometimes but overall terrified and like I’m a horrible person if I do one thing wrong or make a wrong sin. I’m also not sure if I completely believe in all the traditional Christian practices anymore. But I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 months and everything is going great. We communicate and he’s so loving and respectful and I honestly don’t have any major issues In the relationship. I used to have a big fear of men starting when I was like 7 aboit my grandpa or my dad trying to rape me (even though they are good men and showed no real signs of it). But it ruined my relationship with them both for awhile til it eventually went away. I always told myself it was because the “spirit” of ocd was rebuked by Jesus but I honestly don’t know. Now I’m dealing with a more extosential or religious ocd where I’m terrified I’m a horrible person for being in a relationship and almost feel worse about myself if I get closer to God. I also feel like if I get too close to God then I have to choose between Him and my bf and I can’t have both. It’s driving me in San and I feel like if I tell anyone any of this they’ll tell me to just break up with my bf even though there isn’t anything wrong in our relationship. Idk what to do and it’s so draining

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Why do I feel this way with my bf?

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