OCD latching on to a past relationship?

Am I the only one who compares their current relationship to a past relationship? I remember a year ago I was on here having intrusive thoughts about my relationship that I was in a year ago. I ended up leaving the relationship because I couldn’t feel that much love for him unless it was cause of all the anxiety I was experiencing, till this day I’m not quite sure what caused me to break it off but I know that when I did it after I felt relieved and happy. Now I am currently in a new relationship where we’ve only been dating for a month and I notice that I sometimes tend to compare my current relationship to my past one. Sometimes I miss my past relationship and cry and obsess over it as if I’m second guessing on myself that I broke it off for no good reason. It brings a lot of distress especially in my current relationship as me getting these kinds of thoughts and emotions isn’t fair to my current partner. I’m not really sure how to go about all of this as I feel like I am the only one experiencing this. I just want to be able to completely move on from it as we both went out separate ways and I want to focus on this new chapter of my life with my now boyfriend. My now boyfriend is very understanding and probably the first partner where he took the time to learn about my OCD and wants to help guide me through it. I appreciate the love and relationship we have for each other. It just hurts that I think about the past and sometimes get the urge to go back when really there’s nothing to go back to other than a void. I want to be able to live my current life happy with my boyfriend and friends without the past haunting me. Any advice?

I’m Batman

Date posted: 32w

The best trick ROCD does. OCD: you need to leave this relationship now. You: ok I left now what?. OCD: you left ? Ooooo you fk’ed up you should go back. You: ok ocd I’m back. OCD: oooo you should leave. OCD is never happy. You can never satisfy it. And as long as you do its bidding it will follow you into every relationship and cause doubt and anxiety. If you made the right choice or not we might not ever know. I would suggest doing the opposite of what I ocd wants though. If ocd is saying look back then look forward. If ocd says what are you doing we need to take action right now to reduce this anxiety, tell it to kick rocks. Tell it you are going to sit with that anxiety and uncertainty because you can handle it. Good luck !!

Fr0ggy

Date posted: 32w

@I’m Batman I just struggle letting go because it wasn’t a toxic relationship tho it did become toxic once we broke up. But for some reason my mind thinks he was this great person and etc when really he had flaws too. So I guess that’s why I have a hard time letting go and focusing on my current boyfriend. Any advice how I can go about this too?

I’m Batman

Date posted: 32w

@Fr0ggy Grieve the loss , accept it and move on. Understand that ocd wants you to stay stuck. It wants 100% certainty which does not exist. That relationship is in the past. We don’t live in the past. We live for today. Plus our memories are flawed. It might not be what you remember anyways. Here is a funny video on how even short term memory can be flawed : https://youtube.com/shorts/HsdFdA1Iboo?si=AcTQHYD4RpHRlv-C Anyways the current relationship you are in now exists. It’s not ghosts of memory past. It’s real. When those throughs of the ex pop up don’t engage with them. Accept the uncertainty of what might have been or might not have been and live with that uncertainty.

I’m Batman

Date posted: 32w

@Fr0ggy Actually this kind of reminds me of my sister when she was younger. Dated this guy off and on in highschool. Guy was a total dirtbag. Real smooth talker but about as loyal as squirrel looking for its next nut. Whole family could see through this guys bullshit but her. I get it , “love” clouds your vision. After a year she figured it out and dumped him. Then a year later fella talks his way back Into her life and she falls for it. Whole family is like really ? Dudes a doosh. “Oh it was not that bad” or “I don’t remember that stuff happening” she would say. Then 6 months later they are broken up again and she’s like why didn’t you guys warn me. Mmmmhmmm. Maybe after the 3rd or 4th time she finally knew better and did not fall for his crap and cut him out of her life. I am not saying your relationship was like this. Just make sure you are not looking back at the past with rose colored glasses that ocd handed you. Sometimes the past needs to stay there.

erB3

Date posted: 32w

I’m not a mental health professional so I don’t feel I should offer out advice as such.. but just know that you are not alone in having these thoughts and feelings. It’s incredibly painful and I’m sorry you’re experiencing it. One piece of advice I will give is: Believe that you can get through this. Have a willingness to keep working through it knowing that there is light on the other side ♥️

e2222

Date posted: 22w

Relationship OCD?/am I just evil

I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.

anonymous737...

Date posted: 21w

i need some advice

So i had really bad pure ocd but recently it’s been sooo much better but i’m in a relationship and me and my bf dated before about 2 years ago then we broke up and now we are back together but i’m having an issue where i will try to go back years and find something i did wrong and i really do not want to find anything to feel wrong about or guilty specifically something i may have done wrong to my boyfriend but the thing is i’m a good girlfriend and i’m very loyal so i don’t want to ruin something for me because of my past if that makes sense like i can’t remember doing anything wrong but my brain keeps going are u sure let’s look at all your interactions with people and it’s so annoying i just wanna live my life in the present does anyone have any tips

M_8

Date posted: 6w

ROCD- help please!

My ex boyfriend broke up with me last summer and it was really rough on me even thought we only dated for a little while. He treated me terribly but I guess I wanted it to work. However during the fall I was healing well and met my current boyfriend. I knew him as a kid and we reconnected and started dating. It’s the most WONDERFUL relationship ever and I love him so much. However for the past couple months, on and off, I have been obsessively thinking about my ex, to the point of feeling so sick to my stomach. Just the thought will do it. I have been stopping myself from checking his instagram because that just makes it worse. I do not want me ex back at all and I am so happy now. I recognize these thoughts as intrusive and hurtful. I just want them to stop and be in the moment. Has anyone had a similar experience? What did u do? Also, I want to tell my boyfriend about this but I am unsure on how to do so.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

OCD latching on to a past relationship?

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community