- Username
- hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Everything is very black and white in my head. If I didn't understand one problem on homework I couldn't do any other problem or turn it in. If I'm not completely straight then I'm gay. If I dislike one aspect of my boyfriend then he's not meant for me. There are no in betweens and I can't even accept that it's logically possible. If everything doesn't fit into a perfect box my brain freaks out.
For me what made things lighter and freshier was when i started validating my accomplishments and changing the way i talked to myself
Everyday doesnt matter how productive or unproductive it was i look at everything i did and feel glad that i did. Sometimes we get stuck in this constant interior nag that something is wrong, not good or perfect and the more we do that harder it gets to shut it, so dont be so harsh on yourself and on other would be my first guess, when you see yourself putting yourself down call your inner and healthier self to say a few good words on your benefit, after all your the best person to protect yourself from yourself
have a good day :)
Thank you! Those are good tips!
I am also very self-sabotaging and have a hard time trying new things, especially in front of others because I'm so afraid of mistakes and failure. Start small and let yourself bear through the discomfort.
Let's talk about self-sabotage today! There have been many times in my life when I would start an argument or pick a fight over the smallest of things. Looking back, I can now see that this was OCD. I think on some level, I was trying to put distance on the relationship. That way, if that person wasn't "the one," they weren't that committed, or my doubts were right, I wasn't going to be as hurt. It wasn't until I started really tackling the OCD that I realized this was completely self-sabotage. What about you? Are there certain pieces of your life that you can look back and say, yes - this was OCD in the form of self-sabotage?
I've been told before that I have a "victim mentality" due to the OCD. I disagree with that statement and here is why: • I still fight through my anxiety every single day. I fight OCD like my life depends on it. I do things & have learned how to function even though I'm in public or socializing & all I wanna do is go home & scream. But I can't do that. I have to fight to be healthy, as all of us do. • When I have TRULY been panicking or grieving (my dad passed almost 8 years ago, & it's been very hard for me to "get over"), I'm told I'm "living in the past". But...you don't just "get over" a loss like that. You don't. You just learn how to live around it. • I have placed myself in some bad situations because of my lack of self-love/self respect and THAT is my fault. What isn't my fault is how another person treats me. That is on them. Not on me. My responsibility is only how I choose to respond. But, in essence, I have been told numerous times that I have a "victim mentality" and I'm confused as to what people mean when they say that. Yes, I have put MYSELF through the ringer; but what the other person did to me was THEIR action. I didn't cause them to do what they did. • I live in poverty (as most of us do, especially in this economy) & everyone thinks everything is so simple. "Oh, just go trade your car in for something better!" "Oh, just pay off $2k for a government grant to go to college, then you can go!" No. That includes money I don't have. I don't HAVE $2k laying around to go and do whatever with. (I should have listened & saved my money when I turned 18, and that part IS my fault, but I digress). Has anyone else ever experienced shame or guilt related to their OCD & how, sometimes, it's hard to function? Or just be a typical "adult". Because we're not typical. It doesn't make us bad, or bad people, because we aren't. But as I'm growing older I'm finding that more and more often this world & the way it's run just isn't built for people with mental illnesses or OCD.
Just feels like i can never win in life... I dont ever have a special talent that makes me stand out from anyone... I cant win at games, nor ever have a victorious moment based on my skill instead of luck... i just lose and lose and lose... from having OCD based on real events, to my OCD gaslighting me into thinking my fears are true, to just never being able to ever win in life once in my life... i have no one in my college who understands... let alone anyone who cares... Maybe I deserve this because Ive done bad things in life... maybe I deserve this because of my childhood mistakes... who knows... Im just in a state of giving up on ever being happy because I genuinely feel like nothing works out for me, either by my own stupidity or just life being a bitch...
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