Struggling with some ROCD and SOOCD today. Ive been having thoughts like do i even know my boyfriend? Do I even love him? How do I actually know if i love him? How do i know if i know him that well? Would I connect with him more if he was a girl? How do i know? Feeling so much confusion and kind of dissociating when i really just want to enjoy our night together :(
You tell yourself it doesnt matter. OCD is trying to push you to find answers that don't exist to questions that don't make sense. if you asked me right now how do i know if i love my husband? umm.. idk, he's kinda cute and we have fun together, id rather hang out with him than someone else so i guess i love him? might change tomorrow but today that's how i feel so ima roll with that. Would i be into him more if he were a girl? well... when he changes sex ill find out but until that happens, guess I'm stuck with him as a boy. you can ask these questions about EVERYTHING. would i like a different job more? would i like living somewhere else? would i like being a serial killer? would i enjoy drugs? would i enjoy being gay? who knows? maybe? but i don't really care to find out about any of those things. you keep telling yourself, it doesn't matter, becuase it doesn't. your choice is to be with him, right now, this moment is the only time in life we control, not 5 minuets form now, not 5 hours form now, not tomorrow, so in this moment, choose, him.
@TexasOCD41 Thank you. ❤️ So true, I know what I need to do to get through the thoughts. Just struggling today to really not give meaning to them and think deeper!
@LV4523 - understandable, dont let OCD trip you up. you know its tricks. life your life how you want and forget the billions of possibilities that AINT NOBODY got time to worry about lol.
@TexasOCD41 So true!! Recently it’s taken a big turn and focusing on the beauty of pregnancy and women. I work closely with infant mortality prevention and my ocd has been focusing heavily on the fact that I find pregnancy beautiful and using it against me trying to prove my sexuality 😭😭😭 just shows that ocd will do anything
@LV4523 Oh indeed it’s WILD what ocd can latch onto. Just continue to call its bluffs. I like to think that my brain is a sound proof box that only I have the key to so it’s the only safe place on earth for me to think ANYTHING I want and it be totally acceptable. Curious what being a serial killer would be like? consider if perhaps I’m in love with my cousin? Plan the steps on how to get away with a murder? Wonder if a human can make love to a star fish? lol you name it, it’s 100% acceptable to think about if it’s in my brain box and I just don’t worry about how weird or funny of stupid or unusual they may be. My true self lives in my heart, so my brain is a free for all lol
@LV4523 Btw pregnant women and women in general ARE beautiful, iv even kissed a few out of curiosity ( 100% straight, married women here) thinking those things doesn’t make you gay it makes you human lol.
@TexasOCD41 I know and ocd just sucks. I hate that it takes every little thing and it turns it against me!! I’m struggling with some irritability towards my boyfriend too when I am so anxious
I cheer for you. You don't need to know if you love him.
Feeling you girl
Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth
I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.
hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest
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