andrea_sam730

Date posted: 32w

Anyone relate? 🥲

Hey everyone, I’ve been struggling a lot lately and just needed to put this out there. Sometimes I feel like my situation is so much worse than others because my OCD has gotten to the point where I feel like I’m actually moving in response to an intrusive thought. And by movement, I don’t just mean small twitches or urges—I mean actual movements, like thrusting up or shifting my body in some way. I feel like most people talk about body sensations, but for me, it’s more than that, and it makes me feel so ashamed and alone. I know some people have said they’ve experienced similar things, but I don’t see many people talking about it, and that just makes me feel even worse. What’s been scaring me the most is that I’ve started noticing this happening during moments of self-intimacy or intimacy in general. It’s making those moments feel really overwhelming and even terrifying for me. Sometimes, I feel like I’m moving because of the thought itself, and that’s what makes me feel the worst. It makes me question everything, and I don’t know how to deal with that fear. I also just started taking sertraline for my OCD, and honestly, I don’t feel any different. My therapist says she sees progress in me, but I don’t know what she’s seeing because I feel the same. It’s making me scared that if this doesn’t work, maybe I don’t even have OCD at all. I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else has been through this or felt this way also sry yall I may sound like a horrible person 🫤

Cam$$$

Date posted: 32w

Yes I’ve gone through everything your talking about. I’ve been on a ton of medication and none of it seems to work either, sometimes it takes a month or two for it to kick in fully so hang on! It’s definitely a struggle and I’m literal having a spike up right now for no reason.

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 32w

@Cam$$$ I’m so sorry you’ve experienced what I’ve gone through. It’s such a horrible feeling. Makes me feel a lot more better to know that I’m not alone because I genuinely feel like a horrible horrible person.

Charliej01

Date posted: 32w

Yes same I have ocd thoughts during certain activities Making me think that I like these thoughts which I don’t. But I just try to reassure to myself that it’s ocd.

Anonymous

Date posted: 32w

I think I experienced something similar to this today. It is one of the most terrifying feelings in the world. Know your not alone. Thank you for sharing. Now I don’t feel so alone either.

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 32w

@Anonymous Ofc love let me know if you need anyone to talk to 💗

Anonymous

Date posted: 32w

Thank you!

Anonymous

Date posted: 32w

Hope your feeling better today! Remember your OCD does not define you! You are on this Earth for a reason!

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 32w

@Anonymous Ty :/ I’m not feeling as good today but ty 💕

Anonymous

Date posted: 32w

Hope you feel better soon!

andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 32w

Believe me this is textbook OCD. What could be happening is one time you just had an involuntary movement in response to a thought, and then you became hyperaware and attached meaning to the movement. Because of this, your brain may have formed an association between the thought and the movement. So anytime you have a thought, your body moves. This is what happened to me. My hips moved when someone gave me a hug, and it felt like a major movement. Like my hips jerked violently and it scared me so much. So now, even just seeing someone will cause my hips to move, even if the person is far away. It can happen because the brain makes a connection between the two unconsciously. The other thing is, body movements are a major part of OCD. Even intentionally moving them is part of OCD. It doesn’t reflect a true desire and it doesn’t mean you agree with the thoughts. A lot of the time you move your body as a compulsion. It’s a mechanical and instinctual movement, even if it’s on purpose. A lot of the time it’s done to reduce the tension that OCD causes. Also keep in mind that OCD has to feel real in order to get you to analyze. If it didn’t, it wouldn’t be a disorder. Whether or not you made movements on purpose, whether or not they were more than just small twitches, is completely irrelevant. That’s not me saying your feelings aren’t valid, they are! But this is textbook OCD. I’m constantly moving in response to the thoughts. All sorts of movements, and a lot of them are visible. If these movements reflected who you are as a person, you wouldn’t be feeling so bad about them. You just wouldn’t care. You care because this isn’t who you are. By the way, it’s completely okay to move your body in response to the thoughts. Your OCD is assigning meaning to it and painting you as a bad person when you aren’t. Thoughts and movements do not mean anything.

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 32w

@andrewt_ Thank you so much like honestly I’m so glad that we both can relate and I feel as though that I don’t even deserve your kind words or anything. I don’t know if this may sound a lot more worse but sometimes like these movements aren’t compulsions though like they don’t feel like that it’s just more of me panicking immediately and I just like try to either remember what I had a thought of, and I can’t remember it or it’s just not as clear because a lot of people will tell me the same thing they’re like maybe you’re moving as a compulsion but I’m not 😭🥲

andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 32w

@andrea_sam730 Doesn’t matter if it’s not a compulsion! Even if the movements are intentional it could be because of discomfort. Sometimes people move because of anxiety as well and not even in a compulsive way. For example sometimes if I’m nervous around someone I’ll start to move my legs and even touch my face. I’m not saying that’s what’s happening to you but it could be very similar. The point is though, movements mean nothing just like thoughts mean nothing. It’s something you can do very quickly that has no affect on anyone else at all. Trust me I know it’s terrifying and it feels like you’re doing something horrible but you aren’t. I don’t know if this helps to hear, but part of your brain knows there is no threat, which is why it allows you to move. That’s the rational part of your brain. And you may be thinking that you feel like it’s a threat, but the logical part of your brain operates on a subconscious level. It has deeper awareness of the situation. It knows that moving in response to these thoughts doesn’t mean anything, especially because the thoughts themselves are irrelevant noise. Your brain knows the thoughts aren’t real too. So that’s why the movement can happen and it says nothing about you, despite what your OCD says. Not to get all sciencey 🤣 but that’s something that helped me with the guilt and shame over body movements. The body and mind have a really complicated relationship. Plus people move their bodies in response to plenty of things, and I’m sure that has happened with you too. But your OCD is latching onto the fact that you moved in response to the thoughts as proof that you are bad. Don’t let it twist something that means nothing about you. You can move all you want and it says nothing about you as a person. It doesn’t mean you’re acting on the thoughts or that you like them. I hope this helped at least a little bit to hear. You are never alone in this 🖤

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 32w

@andrewt_ Ur really nice 😭💗 I really hope that that’s the case for me like my ocd will tell me my case is very special bc idk cuz I’ve never experienced this problem before so I always think that maybe it’s my ocd manifesting in a different way especially when it comes to movement like it’s harder because I have thoughts in my head like well you’re choosing to move you know what I mean so then that makes me feel even more guilty anyway thank you again. I’m sorry I feel like I can just go on and on about this. 😭😭🥲

nae nae

Date posted: 21w

Mini vent (sorta)!

I'm struggling with a lot of doubts today, but trying the best I can to keep on living my life 🥲 I'm on 150mg of Sertraline right now, and honestly, I'm feeling a lot better than before. Do I still get triggered? Yes! But I'm handling it easier. The only issue is, I feel like I'm obsessing over recovering? Not if I'm doing it "right," but more so getting to a point where I feel "perfect." That's not possible, I know. Even before OCD spiraled out of control, I struggled with other issues on a daily basis. But life felt simpler back then, and I didn't have this magical (and annoying) ability to remember every single bad thing that's ever happened to me or every single intrusive thought I've ever had in extreme detail 😭 Whenever I'm feeling okay, I can not help but think, "Remember how bad it was (insert time-frame)?" And then my mind zip zaps through every instance I've ever felt anxiety, like...? I don't even know if it's me doing this or if its OCD, but it frustrates me so, so much when it happens. Anyway, that's all for now... If anyone can relate, we're in this together 🤍 Hang in there!

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 19w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 18w

I’m so tired I just wanna be free

I know I keep talking about This but I’m too tired :( I’m really struggling and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I might be the only person who experiences this in the way I do. It’s gotten so bad that during intimacy or self-pleasure, I feel like I’m acting on a thought — like my body is moving because of it. It’s terrifying and deeply hurtful. The moment it happens, I immediately panic, try to rewind everything in my head, and ruminate to figure out what I was thinking at that exact second… but I can never remember. That makes it even worse. feel so lost and hopeless, like I’ll never be able to heal or move on from this. People tell me “it’s just OCD,” but it doesn’t feel like OCD to me. It feels like I’m the exception — like no one else truly experiences it like this, especially the part where it feels like I physically responded to a thought. I know people say “others go through this too,” but my mind keeps saying, “not like this, not this specific thing.”Sometimes I just wish I could go back and relive those moments so I could be sure what happened, but I know that’s not possible. I feel so stuck in guilt and doubt that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m scared I’m a bad person and that I’ll always feel this way. I’ll never be free or be the same again everyday I live with deep depression

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