Meeting with the local counselor -- it's worse.

As some of you might very seen from my (spam) posts about my situation I'm not diagnosed with ocd but I'm seeing a local counselor. I'm terribly scared of being secretly in love with someone else or being attracted to someone else outside my relationship, in this case S (if you want a more detailed version u can see my other posts). Long story short: The psychologist confirmed my fear and told me not to think about the thoughts until the next appointment and live in the present ( if it was that simple I would've done it already). Safe to say it sent me and still sending me into a big spiral where I had this big panick attack because I feel the world shattered and my fear is true and then I was just faking everything and not accepting it and it's making me fee so bad as I type this. I had a big panick attack while going back home and had to sit on the sidewalk because I couldnt breathe and was about to throw up. I don't know what to do and if someone has advice I'd be glad to listen.

vincenzokeez

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

Talking therapies are not good for people with OCD only because let’s look at this way…. OCD person:- I have images and feelings of touching children inappropriately and I think I like it. I have urges to do it….. Talking therapist:- Have you considered that you may have attraction to children? TRIGGER!!!!!!!! Same for relationship ocd… I am having thoughts and feelings everyday when I wake up that I don’t love my partner and they make me sad and the situation makes me sad. I have proof this is all real because of how I think and feel….. Talking therapist:- Maybe you have come to the end of your relationship but you are scared to accept the truth dependant on how you think and feel? THEY REINFORCE THE FEARS WITH POSSIBLE TRUTH.

misereri

Date posted: 24w

EXACTLY LIKE

misereri

Date posted: 24w

Girl I swear thats what I mean. I now booked an appointment with a structure that has psychiatrists that can give me a proper diagnosis hopefully.

misereri

Date posted: 25w

Someone to talk to?please?

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?

liivybee

Date posted: 25w

Rocd crisis please any support welcome

hi this is my first post on here and I’m in desperate need for anyone to hear me out and offer support or advice or just about anything even though I’m fully aware reassurance is a nono A little about me : early 20s, straight female (my soocd would disagree lol) and mild to moderate autism I started seeing an ocd therapist a couple months ago and she was lovely. I was coming out of a difficult period of my life where I had stopped my ssri and that decision bit me in the ass because my ocd came back in full force (soocd, real event, pocd, rocd, pure ocd thoughts, statements, etc ) For the most part all of my themes have settled but today my rocd has struck so hard I can barely function, I’ve been a crying wreck all day feeling sick with shame and guilt over my fears with my bf and not finding him attractive all the time or when I notice other attractive men and sometimes I question if he is it for me because he is my first everything so I have nothing to compare to and all these thoughts are so overwhelming (even normal curiosity about dating other people freaks me out) I love him so much (at least i think i can never be 100% certain) and that’s what *obviously* scares me. No one here can tell me how I feel but I’m just so scared and the guilt and shame is eating me alive Another trigger of mine is the fact he wasn’t my type physically when we first met (we weren’t dating then) but overtime I started to like him a lot his personality complimented mine and he became attractive to me and I felt all the lovey feelings and excitement Essentially I’m scared I don’t really love him because if I truly did I wouldn’t notice or fixate on his physical flaws or the things he does or doesn’t do that bother me sometimes I try to think logically he probably has similar thoughts about me but doesn’t bat an eyelid Im just so tired and I can’t see my therapist till Friday :((

misereri

Date posted: 24w

Read please, it's important for me.

Background: I'm 17 about to be 18. I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S( which I now cut contact with) months and months ago, I came clean to my boyfriend and he forgave me but that's when this all started. I'm not diagnosed with Ocd yet but jm seeing a local counselor. Now: In the past months I've been having thoughts like " what if I love S" "What if my boyfriend is just a friend to me" "I'd rather S did that * insert sexual thing or normal romantic thing*" " S wouldn't do that" "What if I secretly love S" "I love S" and I kept imagining scenarios with S to test how I'd react physically. These thoughts are there everyday for me 24/7, some days it's worse some it's better but I cry about them everyday because they build up and I just explode. I don't want to have them but they get worse and worse with time and I'm scared they reflect some kind of truth because of my past. I finished to have a crisis now, lasted at least 1 hour and I cried my heart out, my mind was like " I dont want anyone else to touch me like my boyfriend does" but then it said back " I love S" " I want S to do that" ecc ecc, got so bad I need to refocus during sex and I need to see my boyfriends face to be sure it's him because I'm scared S is gonna come into my mind and I'm gonna get turned on for him thing that scares me to death. I had the same with pedo like thoughts, for a while I had to avoid children because I was convinced I was a pedo. This comes and goes but the theme it's most in my mind it's this S theme around my relationship. I love my boyfriend and I don't want any of this, can someone please suggest me what to do?

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