nsfw question

@Chickenwang123 Yes it just makes me feel weird bc it was a time when I was a child and the other person was a child so my ocd latches onto that

@Chickenwang123 Sorry for being annoying I tend to get really anxious

@dee012 I need advice on mine too

@Chickenwang123 I met my boyfriend unexpectedly. Obviously you don’t become boyfriend and girlfriend the day you meet . It takes time to get to know eachother and then you become that . But before I met him I had a little fling with someone & I continued to still talk to him and hangout with him until me and my boyfriend now got serious . Is that wrong ? Am I a cheater ? I cut off the other guy like a week into me and the new boyfriend getting to know eachother . But even when I cut the guy off my boyfriend was still out here flirting and hanging with other girls until we became serious . Which I don’t care about anymore . But does that make me a cheater ?

@Chickenwang123 When you guys became serious is when you guys became serious :). I had this same worry before. Sorry to give reassurance, but honestly you are dating and loyal when u establish boundaries or are serious. Now if you are worried about you being a cheater evn though you didn’t, I suggest sitting with it and letting the uncomfortable feeling pass. Because no matter what you are gonna try to find something wrong with what you did even if it isn’t wrong.

@dee012 Ugh your amazing thank you

@Chickenwang123 I just feel like I neee to tell him everything about my past and if I don’t I feel like I have wronged him or cheated him . But he was still texting and hanging w other women while we were having sex and I dropped everyone and became serious about him although it took him alittle longer to become serious about me

@Chickenwang123 I think it’s best to let it be. If a convo ever comes up about it, sure. But don’t worry about it and let it eat you alive you know?? It will just stress you out or make you anxious. Try just living in the present moment, easier said than done tho. Whenever you get those thoughts or worries tell yourself “I’m ok with not figuring that out right now” “I don’t have the answer to this, but im gonna continue about my day” Don’t try to fight or argue with the thoughts it just makes it worse

@dee012 I just don’t want to feel that I have cheated Yanno? I’d never hurt him in so in love with him. But it was so fresh in the relationship I literally didn’t kno him . And obviously that’s how life works , you stop talking to people as you get serious with someone . That’s the dating pool right . I’m not just a whore

@Chickenwang123 U are not a whore, don’t apply that degrading word to yourself pls. Ocd is terrible

@Chickenwang123 - all of this is OCD needs for compulsions. i did THE EXACT same thing at the beginning of my relationship. I "dated" my boyfriend but we were not "official" so i was still entertaining other guys and then when we became official i cut them off and it NEVER bothered me until 4 years later when OCD decided NOW this means something and you need to tell your (now husband) everything you did and have ever done to make sure he still loves you. It was NOT pretty becuase he didn't understand what OCD was and he perceived it as i must have actually cheated to feel so distressed. it caused some issues for a few months but he finally started to realize that my emotional distress was more towards my OCD and not becuase i had actually done anything wrong. And to the things iv done in my past, he DOES NOT want to know, he has told me : you can't go back and change it, and that's not who you are now, so it doesn't matter" and after i stopped confessing to him i took TIME but i finally realized it was OCd, not real guilt from my past and that i DIDNT cheat on him, just because you FEEL something, doesn't mean its true. Feelings ar eNOT FACTS. you need to work on letting this going and stop obsessing about it.

@TexasOCD41 Thank you I’m glad I’m not the only one . But he was also doing things too but he doesn’t know I know and nor does he have OCD guilt over it . He doesn’t care . He lies about it . So therefore I’m like ok, then I must be fine . That’s how dating pool works you meet and get to know people and settle down and cut others off

@TexasOCD41 I don’t need to tell him anything right ? I mean he has things he hasn’t told me but I don’t care because I love him and know he is loyal to me now and loves me

@Chickenwang123 No. And not because he has just too, even if he had zero reasons you could come up with to justify a “ mutually secrecy” because it’s not secrecy it’s just the fact that EVERYONE has a past and EVERYONE is entitled to privacy, even from the people they love the most. Movies and books paint perfect pictures of how relationships start. Real life is not linear. Back in the day, it was the norm to date multiple people until you became official. My dad tells me he had lots of girlfriends at the same time lol you owed him nothing when you were just dating and it sounds like when you became serious you you complete devotion into it. Don’t let the irrelevance of the past disrupt your present. More importantly, if you tell him, your OCD will just find something else to morph into and push you to want to confess more irrelevant crap. By NOT telling him, you are arresting your OCDs development and healing yourself. So keep that in mind. Confess will hurt YOU more. Just ride out the urge until it goes away and it WILL. I promise.

@TexasOCD41 Ok. It’s hard :(

@TexasOCD41 You’re so right ! Thank you! Back when I was like 20 years old I had a boyfriend I confessed to all the time thinking I have cheated on him so I’d tell him everything that came to my mind . MIND YOU I NEVER CHEATED LOL. but then he told everyone I was a cheater , broke up with me and had lots of people make fun of me . I would be like “I think I did this with someone but idk if I did , but I need to confess just in case I did . I was going nuts ! And it was one confession after another . It didn’t let up until I was single and he broke my heart .

@Chickenwang123 It’s complex. (My brain sexualizes things a lot including trauma ive been through) Basically i was a child, ages from second grade to about fifth, i was intimate with another child (this was COCSA, i was the victim sortve). But it was one of my first LGBTQ experiences, so ive fantasized abt it throughout my life during self intimacy. Not the fact that i was a child or it happened when we were kids, just the action and experience is what i would think about. And also that person is still in my life… so sometimes i want to have that experience as an adult again with them. While picturing it sometimes I wouldn’t even picture a face just the actions or I pictured how we both look current day. But obviously it happened when we were kids so it makes me feel weird or the images of us being kids would pop in my head in detail and it made me cringe and feel really weird.. and also sad for my younger self. Hopefully this makes sense sorry if it’s gross .

@Chickenwang123 Sorry if I said something wrong

@dee012 No, you’re fine. I understand our thoughts can be crazy sometimes but that’s not who you are and if it was a past experience and you want to rekindle it again with the person from your past, and you are single why not reach out and try to hang out with them.

@Chickenwang123 Can you copy and paste? I searched your user but couldn’t find post