Have you considered or tried medication? It can help make ERP more doable. Your anxiety might be too high, and while that doesn’t mean you can’t recover, it does make everything so much harder.
My anxiety has so severe that my therapist thought we were at a standstill. My baseline anxiety was at a constant seven, making it too hard for me to function. I knew everything, I knew what I was supposed to do, but I just couldn’t do it. Because my anxiety never came down enough, ERP felt like torture and was almost ineffective.
I know a lot of people say you just have to stop doing compulsions and you’ll get better, but when your anxiety is that high, it feels impossible. It is really hard to understand unless you have been in that position. It is okay that you are struggling, but you might need to focus on lowering your anxiety first, whether through medication, supplements, breathing techniques, or other strategies, before fully tackling ERP.
The best advice I have gotten is to delay your compulsion, even if it is just by a minute, and then keep working your way up.
You also might be ruminating constantly without realizing it. That happened to me. Even thinking about your compulsions (considering them) is a form of rumination. If you are thinking about anything related to your OCD or what is making you anxious, you are probably ruminating. You do not have to force yourself to block thoughts, but try to limit the rumination as much as you can.
I know it feels impossible. I know it does not feel like a choice, and even if it did, it would feel like life or death. Just try to delay it a little, and then a little more. If you do not try to lean into discomfort or delay your compulsions, if you avoid ERP and possibly medication, your OCD will just get stronger. But you can overcome it. You are strong. I know how hard this is, and I understand how impossible it feels. Just try to delay it, and **be patient with yourself** 💛. Some days will be easier than others :)
