Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Existential relationship concerns

TW: multiple good options for relationships I'm having stress about the concept and intricacies of relationships. Really, relationships of any kind. But, for example, partner relationships (I'm single btw); how do you know who's right? Aren't there multiple people who could be equally a good option? I can also miss my chance, yeah? I just don't like the intricacies and existential questioning about all my relationships, even my relationships with my friends and family... it's really stressing me out

Tonytony

Date posted: 24w

Hey! I have a similar issue. My OCD makes me question lots of things. I’m currently with my future wife and still have trouble figuring it out. I obsess about if I’m good enough for her or if she’ll always be my best friend. You’re right, there’s lots of people that might be “right” for you, but that’s usually a short term goal. It’s taken me about 5 years to truly figure out if mine is right for me. You’ve got to put in the work, not just for them but for yourself. It’s ok to feel like this, nothing is wrong with you, your brain is just tricking you to obsess over it. You got this!

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Thanks for the kind words. I still have my doubts... I don't like thinking of ppl being okay without me, even though I'm sure they'd be fine if I wasn't in their life.

Tonytony

Date posted: 24w

My only reply to that is just because you think they’d be fine without you in their life doesn’t mean they would be. I personally think my girlfriend would be better off without me, she’s a tough woman, but I also know she wouldn’t be happy. And her happiness is important to me.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Okay, but that only applies to people we already know. If I didn't meet people, they wouldn't be bothered.

Tonytony

Date posted: 24w

And to that I can say, they’re them and you’re you. It’s not your job to make them happy.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Yeah, but it shows that even the person that would care about me won't if I just don't meet them. Even my friends wouldn't car if I just didn't meet them I know, "But I did meet them", but my point is that I'm not needed by anybody. I know it's nothing anybody can fix, though. I know I just need to accept

Tonytony

Date posted: 24w

Especially people that you don’t know. That’s their life, not yours.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

And in my above message, I meant care not car

Tonytony

Date posted: 24w

You can never be sure of that. People care about each other. That’s apart of our nature. We care about some more than others. If you care about someone, and they know that, you’ll have to just take it as it is. If they don’t care back, that’s not your fault.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

That's another thing: I have friends, but I'm nobody's best friend, but my friends do have best friends, so I'm nobody's favorite. Idk, I should probably just be happy for them, but it makes it hard to feel like they care (bc ofc they care more about their other friends)

Tonytony

Date posted: 24w

I get that. They’re scary things. Friends, intimate relationships, etc. You’ve got this though. I believe in you.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Thanks. Yeah, they're scary, and overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time

Tonytony

Date posted: 24w

Oh yeah. I’m scared of mine. I’m getting ready to move in with my girlfriend and I’m worried about everything. If I’ll live up to her expectations, if I’ll be able to make her happy, if she’ll be there for me when I’m down, all of that. You’ve just got to take it one day at a time. That’s why we’re all here. We depend on each other for support.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Yeah. Idk, I guess I could just wish my friends cared about me as much as they like their other friends. But it's not that they're mean -- they're really nice! And they do care, even if I'm not their favorite. It's still difficult though I guess, but that's my issue I think for just being jealous

Tonytony

Date posted: 24w

You’re envious of other people’s relationship success, I get that. But an important thing to remember is that it’s not your responsibility to make yourself someone’s “favorite”. They kinda pick you as their favorite on their own. You can’t wait for it to just happen without putting yourself out there first. All relationships are worked for. Friends and romantic relationships both.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

I know, but putting myself out there is only the first step -- I'm not in control of it, and my friends already didn't pick me as their favorite. I can put myself out there, but it doesn't mean it'll amount to anything. I'm just lucky to have the friends I have -- I spent several years without any and by myself

Tonytony

Date posted: 24w

No you aren’t. And OCD is about accepting that you don’t have control over everything.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

I know. I just can't expect it

Tonytony

Date posted: 24w

You work on it. It’s a continuous process.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Yeah... It's not all up to me though ofc, as you said, and I think I should accept the situation I'm in now

Tonytony

Date posted: 24w

That’s completely up to you. No one can make that choice other than yourself.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Well, what I meant is that it is up to me to try to make friends and meet people, but it's up to others to decide if/how much they care about me in return

Tonytony

Date posted: 24w

Yes. I wholeheartedly agree with you on that.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Yeah. Thanks for talking, none of this is easy

Tonytony

Date posted: 24w

Of course it’ll be difficult. No one can change that. And some people’s “best friends” are their family members. The just connect with them. That’s how all of this goes. You connect with people. I feel like you’re more scared of the connection itself.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

I'm worried about relationships as a whole, everything about them tbh

Tonytony

Date posted: 24w

Hey, I get it, I really really do. But you can’t give up.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Yeah, but I just don't have much control the fact that people prefer others more than me. I can try to make friends, but I'm not guaranteed any

puzzlesandkn...

Date posted: 25w

Rocd and change

My girlfriend and I are both applying to grad schools and have no idea what’s going to happen next with our lives but I am seeing couple getting engaged and moving in and I am so freaked out I feel like I should want those things and I do but like not now? But is that bad to not want them now I’m scared it will never actually be the right time or that maybe I am with the wrong person but I don’t believe in wrong person and I love my partner so much I don’t want to feel this uncertainty but that is what my ocd wants :// any tips y’all?

bdads27

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w

rocd question about navigating culture

my people in relationships i have a question! i find a lot of like relationship “concepts” that we see online or just within our culture really trigger me. articles, posts, dialogue, friends pretty much anything saying things things like “outgrowing relationships” “you need to date around extensively to find the one” “you’re too young to be in love or settle down” “things my partner does” pretty much anything about advice or just other people’s situations triggers me at times and makes me question a lot!! i know this means i need more confidence in myself which im working on. i’m doing the work to separate my situation from these and i know it’s working because it feels uncomfortable, but i’m wondering if anyone young and in a relationship navigates this. i also feel like this triggering gets worse when im already anxious. recently my partner and i have been having constant spats bc im hesitant to communicate. i feel like im putting pressure on myself bc i really want this to work out to the point where i feel like idk what to do! it’s funny identifying the tricks ocd is playing on me bc i do recognize the irony here but any advice in coping or just experiences helps!!! mwah mwah happy women’s day!!!!

album

Date posted: 9w

Life so far?

So, i haven’t posted on here in a while. Which, honestly I should have. Bc this is a great place to hear I’m not alone. But, I have been with this girl Julie, then Kaleb, and then Julie again. Now I’m not with her, and I’m with Eleanor. She’s lovely. But, I’m thinking “what if she isn’t? What if she’s just like them and is lying about how fine it is that I’m being open.” All these what ifs. Cause I have always thought the past people I was with were “good people” but they didn’t listen like she does. And just the decent thing a human should do. It’s hard thinking I’m ruining everything. And thinking I’m not good enough. Usually these relationships fall apart, so with that mindset Im retracting my emotions. I feel like i’m Oversharing with her. And it’s bothering her. And I ask if it is, she says it isn’t. Again it’s just a bunch of what ifs bc ik I would lie and say it isn’t bothering me sometimes. But she isn’t me. GRRRR THIS SHIT IS JUST FRUSTRATING

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