anyone else?

So I’ve SOOCD since I was in 8 th grade and it got really bad when I had an intrusive thought as to what if I was bi. And ever since then I’ve had self destructive behavior to where I would think the thoughts on purpose or about women and checking them out and flirting with them. ( I identify as straight) and over time these thoughts and self destructive behavior hasn’t bothered me and now they feel apart of me I know apart of it is ocd but also it’s me like me willingly looking at women and me wanting to have sexual thoughts or feel aroused and in reality if I never had ocd I would never think this way I could live without women and never sleeping with them I do have a bf and I love him and am attracted to him rn thought bc of what happened last night with a women it’s hard to feel that can anyone relate?

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w

Hi there, I can relate - you are not alone. I had SOOCD in high school, and I experienced the worst of it in the latter part of my senior year. I remember actually accepting that I was gay, thinking about a female actor as my “celebrity crush,” and going to a track meet, intentionally looking at women and wondering about my attraction to them. I even thought about having to “come out” to my mom. Like you, I identify as straight. Personally, ruminating and imagining that the theme is part of me can feel numbing, and it manifests an illusion that it’s who I am, when, in fact, the “real me” is the opposite, and the painful cycle of OCD just keeps going. I have found a significant reduction in my symptoms using ERP. I hope that your time here at NOCD has helped you as it has helped me. We are in this together! 💟

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w

@Anonymous Hi I appreciate you commenting it makes me feel so much better I know ocd likes to target at the fact that I did it willingly even though it’s not my character. I did do same sex things when I was younger but grew out of it whrn ocd came around 8th grade I also remember getting ocd younger then that also bc of the same sex things I did o didn’t know it at the time but I think I my biggest thing is simply the fact that I did it and rbis time it wasn’t bc of self destruction or any reason I did it bc I wanted to bc it felt good and rhats what’s killing me and I try telling myself tk maybe it is me or maybe it’s not I do love my bf but yk ocd a wants to figure it out and now I’m getting all these thoughts of women and falling into tk el so easily now like if I want it and it feels that way but I tell myself and maybe this is force or denial I don’t like women I never had I would never date one whether ocd can accept that or not it’s there loss I like being a man I feel satisfied with my bf but bc of what I did it feels I can’t be with him

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w

@Anonymous This sounds to me like hyper focusing, which has been a habit of mine. I think, even when things feel good, the reason why is not certain. My SOOCD began when I thought I had a crush on a girl. For some reason, I sort of felt good imagining that, and I wondered why. Do I feel good because I’m gay? Does liking this mean I need to change my lifestyle choices? A year ago, I would ruminate on these questions to no end. Now, I say, “I just don’t know,” because I don’t. We’ve got this 🙏

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 15w

LESBIAN WITH SO-OCD

hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd

RW95

Date posted: 12w

Has anyone gone through this, or currently going through it, need to know that I am not alone in this (18+)

I can't look at 18+ videos, comics, etc. I am straight, but SO-OCD tries to make me think I am not And the thoughts turns to feelings, and makes me scared, uncomfortable, sad, because I know this is not me. And when I try to imagine myself being with the woman on adult videos, and comics, my OCD gives gronal response not at the girl, and it fills me with fear, and anxiety, I always loved, and was attracted to women but I can't and it caused me to be depressed, and I keep ruminating I keep trying to focus on her, but it's so bad that I avoid those all the time now. I am wondering has anyone gone through something like this, or currently is, and wondering how you have done to combat this!

anonymouscookie

Date posted: 7w

so ocd and bisexuality

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.

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