Moral Scrupulosity

@Rachel Owsley Thank you! And no I have not. I am very aware that groinal responses are fake and not true feelings. It's just so scary. I moved back because of the feeling but felt so guilty after. Is that wrong?

@Rachel Owsley Thank you!

@Anonymous2122 It is a distressing sensation, for sure, because your mind doesn't know how to interpret it, and your OCD latches onto it.

I can see how these feelings of guilt are really weighing on you. It makes sense that avoiding swearing or picking up trash feels like the ‘right’ thing to do in the moment, but it sounds like these actions might be tied to an overwhelming sense of responsibility. In ERP, leaving a piece of trash behind could actually serve as an exposure within a hierarchy—starting small and gradually building tolerance for discomfort. This approach is central to the work we do at NOCD. In my experience, when people practice sitting with guilt instead of acting on it, they begin to see that it fades over time, making it easier to let go of those guilt feelings.

Yes, please!

@Rachel Owsley Would this be an example: I've been doing good with my thoughts and everything but then this happened?! I'm such a loving mom, but this OCD has caused me immense issues the past two months. I was bent over the bathtub running my daughters bath water and my daughter grabbed my pant pocket. I wasn't thinking anything of it but I started having a groinal sensation. I honestly don't know what came over me but I moved my bottom backwards toward her due to the feeling I was having at the moment and that caused the groinal to continue. And maybe even amplify?! I then asked her to move her hand off me because I felt guilty for feeling what I felt. Now I'm spiraling (yet again). Did I do anything wrong? Do I deserve to be her mom? Is this bad? Idk what to think. I'm terrified. This is all so tiring for me. Im feeling extremely guilty over this to say the least.

@Rachel Owsley Is that a good example

You’re welcome to share it however feels best for you. I’ll do my best to understand and respond thoughtfully. Meta OCD can be really complex, and if you’re struggling to put it into words, that’s completely okay. You don’t have to explain it perfectly for it to be valid. Just share what you can, and I’ll do my best to support you however I can.

That does sound exhausting. I’m sorry you’re going through this. ROCD (Relationship OCD) can make doubts and fears about your relationship feel overwhelmingly real, even when they don’t align with your true feelings. It often latches onto worries about whether you really love your partner or whether you’re staying for the “right” reasons, making it hard to trust your own emotions. What you’re describing also connects with moral scrupulosity, where OCD targets your sense of morality and responsibility. In this case, it’s making you feel like you might be staying in the relationship out of guilt or fear of hurting him, rather than genuine feelings. But OCD thrives on certainty, and since no relationship comes with absolute certainty, it keeps pushing you to analyze your motives in a way that only leads to more doubt and exhaustion. A key part of managing ROCD is learning to sit with the uncertainty rather than trying to “figure it out” or prove to yourself that your feelings are valid. Have you had a chance to explore ERP therapy? It can help you break free from the cycle of needing to analyze or reassure yourself and instead allow you to trust your feelings as they come. You’re not alone in this, and it is possible to find peace.

@Rachel Owsley i didnt actualy did erp because i do t know what to do that will work for me, i went to therapy only one time and she told me to write everything in a book. but even though i know about erp, i dont know what to do to actually help me. Right now im trying to not react to my thoughts because im so over them, but its hard since they make me feel strange and bad and question all my feelings fot him. im scared that if i get better i will realise i dont actually love or like him and also my memories are distorted and i can’t remember how it was to feel love when i fell in live with him, im questioning if i ever loved him or what if i just liked the idea of an relationship

@Mariabae That does sound incredibly frustrating. It makes complete sense that you're struggling because OCD thrives on uncertainty, especially when it comes to relationships and feelings. What you're describing—feeling unsure if you ever loved him, questioning your memories, and fearing that recovery might mean something you don’t want—is so common in Relationship OCD (ROCD). OCD makes you doubt the things that matter most to you, and it keeps you stuck by convincing you that you need to figure it all out before you can feel okay. It's great that you're trying to not react to the thoughts, even though it's really hard. That's actually a big part of ERP—learning to sit with the uncertainty rather than trying to ‘solve’ it. A therapist trained in OCD treatment could help you tailor ERP exercises to your specific struggles so that you’re not just sitting with distress but actively working toward freedom from these patterns. One thing that might help is to start practicing allowing the doubt to be there without engaging in reassurance or checking your feelings. For example, instead of trying to remember how love used to feel, you could say, "Maybe I loved him, maybe I didn’t. I don’t need to figure it out right now." That might sound scary, but over time, it takes the power away from OCD. You don’t need to have certainty to move forward in your relationship—you just need to stop giving OCD the power to control it. You don’t have to do this alone. Finding an OCD specialist who can guide you through ERP in a way that works for you could make such a difference. You deserve relief from this, and it’s absolutely possible to get there!

@Rachel Owsley thank you!

I'm really sorry you're going through this—it sounds incredibly painful and exhausting. The way OCD works, especially in themes like POCD and ZOCD, is that it latches onto the things you fear the most and makes you question your very identity. The fact that you're having these thoughts and feeling distressed about them is actually proof that they go against who you truly are. OCD thrives on doubt, and the more you try to find a ‘satisfactory answer’ about whether you’re different from criminals, the more OCD will demand certainty that can never be fully reached. You're not alone in this. Many people with OCD struggle with intrusive thoughts that feel completely alien to their values, and it can make them feel mixed up with their sense of self. It doesn’t mean those thoughts define you—they’re symptoms of a disorder that distorts what matters most to you. I know this is incredibly hard, but the way out isn’t through finding the ‘right’ answer—it’s through learning to tolerate the uncertainty. That’s what OCD doesn’t want you to do, but it’s also how you take your life back from it. Have you been able to explore ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) or work with a therapist? You don’t have to figure this out alone. You deserve support and relief from this pain.

That’s such a great question, and it shows a deep understanding of how tricky OCD can be—it really can turn anything into a compulsion, even therapy! The key difference between doing ERP effectively and turning it into another compulsion is the mindset behind it. ERP is about allowing discomfort and uncertainty without trying to control it or force a specific outcome. When ERP becomes compulsive, it usually means: You’re treating exposures like a checklist—doing them just to "prove" something to yourself or get rid of anxiety. You’re rigidly trying to "do ERP perfectly," which is actually a form of needing certainty (OCD's favorite trap). You’re using ERP as reassurance, like repeatedly exposing yourself to thoughts or situations just to confirm that nothing bad will happen. A healthier way to approach ERP is to focus on openness to uncertainty rather than seeking a feeling of "completeness" or certainty. Instead of thinking, "I need to make sure I’m doing this right," shift toward, "I’m allowing myself to sit with the discomfort and uncertainty, however it shows up today." It’s also okay to let go of rigid rules when doing ERP. Some days will be harder than others, and that’s normal. The goal isn’t to feel good or “prove” anything—it’s to build the ability to tolerate discomfort without engaging in compulsions. If you notice ERP starting to feel like another compulsion, it might help to check in with a therapist who specializes in OCD to make sure your exposures are moving you toward flexibility rather than feeding the OCD cycle in a different way. You’re doing great by even thinking about this—it shows real insight into your recovery!

@Rachel Owsley Thank you for the thoughtful and helpful reply!

@Anonymous57 You are welcome! Have a great evening.

@Rachel Owsley Thank you for your thoughtful message — I sincerely appreciate it. It’s hard to know what’s OCD and what’s not, I’ve always held myself to a higher standard. My family, peers, colleagues, and friends have always done things that make me feel super uncomfortable. But they have no problems living with themselves, they act like they’re invincible and don’t suffer from extreme guilt or shame. And I’ve definitely been asked to do exposures that I would never do on my own if I was living according to “my own values”. I have a long treatment history, including two well-known intensive OCD programs. I’ve almost given up and started looking into I-CBT, which is not as widely practiced and definitely not provided in an intensive outpatient format (at least anywhere near me).