is this manipulation?

I have a very persistent confession compulsion. most of the time i confess to my lover, mostly because i have obsessions about our relationship and stuff ( im always terrified I'm treating my lover badly). at times when I confess bc im scared i did something wrong i also tell my lover what my therapist or a friend of ours told me ( usually that i actually didn't do anything wrong and that i should calm down). i think i tell them because im deeply scared in those moments and maybe i do It because im afraid that what im confessing sounds extremely bad and i want to make myself look less of a monster? idk. i don't think i do this to make my lover reply a certain way, like ofc i want them to tell me that everything's fine and i didn't do anything wrong, but i genuinely want to know the truth and if they feel okay or not. i don't care about lies and i think the proof that i genuinely want to know what my lover feels is that even when they reassure me i cant stop thinking about it and wondering if what they tell me is true and i ask them many many times. i also always tell them that if they feel uncomfortable or hurt they can tell me or that they can straight up break up with me. idk if it's manipulation that i say those things because im scared and in some way maybe i want to justify myself

ughhhh

Date posted: 22w

One thing ive learned on here is the phrase “if its causes distress dont confess.” I used to have a horrible confession and reassurance compulsion. I still feel the urge to ask or confess things to friends and family but then i realized it never did me any good, the relief of feeling reassured or having confesses something is only temporary and then i found myself feeling bad for doing those things. I think thats what may be what your going through. I dont think its manipulation but this stuff is obviously causing you a lot of anxiety. Its hard but you should begin to slowly move away from these compulsion so you can stop causing yourself destress. Your not alone and i give you my support 🙏🤍

aaanonymous

Date posted: 22w

thank you, ive been trying to stop asking for reassurance

521mullax

Date posted: 22w

Also! A rule don’t tell your friends about your relationship stuff or about your relationship. I’d hate that if my partner told her friends about me and her.

aaanonymous

Date posted: 22w

Fair, there's nothing wrong with your opinion but it's about boundaries and preferences. ofc i don't tell my friends EVERYTHING about our relationship, I tell very little, what i do tell is situations i obsess over because im scared and need reassurance and opinions. my lover knows that and they never told me to stop, and if they did the same i wouldn't care. i think it can be useful to talk about your partner with loved ones, to receive advice and support during hard times. ofc you shouldn't talk to them about private stuff unless you specifically know that your partner doesn't mind

521mullax

Date posted: 22w

@aaanonymous Mmmmmm me personally it should only be something what you talk to with your partner really. That’s what the communication is about. Friends and family will plant seeds or totally not get the full story. I mean yes you do you. But I know if anything about our relationship was talked about I would be upset. I’d hate people knowing.

aaanonymous

Date posted: 23w

really worried about my lover

non explicit nsfw +18 i had a thought like "i should have never doubted that my lover is attracted to me" and for some reason it triggered me, i cant really explain it, but it made me feel like i have done/thought bad things when it comes to our sex life. like, it has happened that at times when they would tell me no i would feel a bit disappointed cus i really enjoy being intimate, but they told me many many many times ( since it's an obsession of mine and i asked for reassurance ) that i never treated them badly or made them feel hurt or obligated when it comes to intimacy. they would break up with me and not want me around in the slightest if I did. I still feel really worried even if I didn't hurt them, but im afraid that i have thought bad things or was toxic about it. idk

Sunny87

Date posted: 21w

“Lying by omission”

FINALLY identified a core fear of mine and it is deceit and lying by omission. My biggest compulsions are confession & rumination. I immediately WANT to confess to whoever the theme is about, BUT since I am NOT acting on the compulsion (*yay*), I feel like I am lying by omission. For example, I will think of a mistake I made in the past, become anxious at the thought that my partner would break up with me over it, and then I want to confess so that he has all the information he needs to make an accurate decision on if he wants to be with me. Otherwise, I feel as though I am withholding pertinent information and his decision to be in a relationship with me is based on lies & fabrication. On one hand I am proud of myself for not compulsively oversharing / acting on compulsivity. On the other hand I worry I am stepping out of my values of honesty & integrity. Or perhaps worse, claiming “compulsion” in the name of hiding from the possibility of whatever consequence may result in me sharing the mistake. Any recommendations?

Lillo2000

Date posted: 11w

Confession compulsion

I’ve been feeling the compulsion of confession again. I hate confessing things to my boyfriend I don’t want him to carry the burden. I’d rather hurt than him hurt. But I feel I did something wrong and he needs to know. Like I need to be punished or something. I may be over reacting to it but I just feel guilty and I had a panic attack when I woke up yesterday. I would never cheat on him. Just making guys laugh I feel like I am doing him wrong or flirting. And then when I notice it I just feel awful. I just want to be liked and noticed not romantically but just as a human. I don’t know why I act like this and feel the need to tell him as if I slept with someone. I think it’s attacking my biggest fear which is losing him. Does anyone have experience with this?

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