Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

Harm OCD is very real, and you are not alone. I understand feeling scared over your hand twitching. OCD loves to take moments like that and throw you into a spiral. You don’t need to analyze what happened. You don’t have to guilt yourself. You won’t find any clarity or certainty by doing so, and it sounds like it’s really affecting you. You had a moment of feeling annoyed and angry because you’re human. I also have a hard time when someone is talking and I really need quiet. But this is where you can sit in the uncertainty. Maybe your hand twitch meant something, maybe it didn’t. Maybe you’re capable of harming someone, maybe you aren’t. As terrifying as it is to not know for certain, learning to tolerate the uncertainty is what will help you through. And ERP can truly help you there.

sadfaz

Date posted: 5w ago

Your mind knows what it is capable of doing, although you may believe you will do an action, think about the steps , twitch, or whatever it may be. It doesn’t make it your reality or how you really are. Maybe giving yourself reinsurance in your mind would help, after any thought similar to this tell yourself “while my mind believes this, this is not reality”

Aphid123

Date posted: 5w ago

Yes but what is freaking me out is the fact my hand did twitch a little. Like I'm worried this means I wanted to hurt my family member and maybe Ive actually always been some sicko. I remember being mad and the thought and the slight twitch :(

marifer10

Date posted: 5w ago

If you thought about it and scared of it, it’s an intrusive thought. From what I heard people that are going to do something bad don’t even think about it. You’re good 😊

Aphid123

Date posted: 5w ago

I'm scared I wanted to do it. Like this whole day I've been crying under my blanket. Like I felt mad that day and the thought popped up and my hand twitched a tiny bit. Why was my first thought "I could get in trouble?" Does that mean I was considering it??? And why wasn't it something about morality instead like "this is wrong, I'm not doing that" and if it was an impulse??? I feel so guilty and sick to my stomach

marifer10

Date posted: 5w ago

@Aphid123 See the “what if’s” are intrusive thoughts also. I hope you don’t feel bad about it still. You are a good person because of the fact that you felt horrible after. 🫂

Aphid123

Date posted: 5w ago

Note, i haven't ever acted out in such ways when angry, but I still worry like what if somehow there is a higher chance?

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 4w ago

Trying to figure something out for hours and hours is rumination, and it's a compulsion. While it's understandable that the thought was distressing, because you are not someone who wants to harm others, you don't need to continue to ruminate on this. Here's some info on harm OCD: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-harm-ocd-guide-to-ocd-subtype?psafe_param=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=NOCD_PM_US&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjws-S-BhD2ARIsALssG0aHYgO3RMI6H85NfU0gKmIm1LFWTQ_yWExfxRhUDWF3qJAIzWaAXosaApaBEALw_wcB You can always schedule an intake call to get matched with an ERP therapist who will listen without judgment.

andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w ago

Does anyone ever mimic/imagine harm OCD thoughts?

Does anyone imagine they are doing their harm thoughts during an action, making you feel like you acted on your thoughts? For example, someone gave me a hug and at the last second I imagined I was touching something I shouldn’t during the hug? I want to make it clear it’s something I have zero desire to do! But the problem is, I thought it on purpose and it makes me sick !! Obviously nothing happened but my mind is telling me that was me trying to do it. Even though it was physically impossible to do. Am I a monster or could this be OCD? I’m freaking out and don’t want to be here anymore. I feel like I’m the exception and that this isn’t OCD. I know I post about this stuff a lot but I’m struggling and don’t know what to do.

Anony1314

Date posted: 27d ago

A VERY distressed mom. Someone anyone help!

Please comment. Just say if follows along the OCD pattern or not. I don't need reassurance per se! My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt/a**aulted her that I might as well do something else to hurt because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it because my mind told me I had hurt her already ("my mind literally made me question what to do and I guess the only thing I could come up with was using my elbow) and causing another feeling but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side/thigh area. Which caused another very unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. And I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. Idk what overcame me but my therapist says it's all OCD. I was doing SO well! Is this really OCD? This has all caused me a great amount of anxiety. I feel like a terrible person and mom. I just need help knowing if this is OCD. Not wanting reassurance. Just wanting to know if this lines up with the POCD I've been diagnosed with by my current therapist.

POCD

Youactlikeyo...

Date posted: 25d ago

Is this apart of ocd?

Hi I just have a few questions! (Im 14 btw) Okay so basically I’m really worried I’ll become a pedo/I already am and I don’t know it yet. I’m also really scared if I SA someone, even tho I don’t want to and I’d never do something like that but I feel like this part of me is saying that I will and it’s really scaring me. I feel so alone and I’m so scared I’m a bad person on the inside and this isn’t ocd and I’m gonna unleash hell on this earth I’m so scared. I’ll get a thought like if I’m walking past someone random it will be like “What if you sa them?” And it scares me so bad I feel horrible for thinking that. Is this apart of it? I feel like I’m always fixated on the topic of sa to check if I would do something like that, I don’t know anymore I just feel like a bad person (btw I have not done anything like that to anyone!)

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