Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14d ago

Harm OCD is very real, and you are not alone. I understand feeling scared over your hand twitching. OCD loves to take moments like that and throw you into a spiral. You don’t need to analyze what happened. You don’t have to guilt yourself. You won’t find any clarity or certainty by doing so, and it sounds like it’s really affecting you. You had a moment of feeling annoyed and angry because you’re human. I also have a hard time when someone is talking and I really need quiet. But this is where you can sit in the uncertainty. Maybe your hand twitch meant something, maybe it didn’t. Maybe you’re capable of harming someone, maybe you aren’t. As terrifying as it is to not know for certain, learning to tolerate the uncertainty is what will help you through. And ERP can truly help you there.

sadfaz

Date posted: 15d ago

Your mind knows what it is capable of doing, although you may believe you will do an action, think about the steps , twitch, or whatever it may be. It doesn’t make it your reality or how you really are. Maybe giving yourself reinsurance in your mind would help, after any thought similar to this tell yourself “while my mind believes this, this is not reality”

Aphid123

Date posted: 15d ago

Yes but what is freaking me out is the fact my hand did twitch a little. Like I'm worried this means I wanted to hurt my family member and maybe Ive actually always been some sicko. I remember being mad and the thought and the slight twitch :(

marifer10

Date posted: 15d ago

If you thought about it and scared of it, it’s an intrusive thought. From what I heard people that are going to do something bad don’t even think about it. You’re good 😊

Aphid123

Date posted: 15d ago

I'm scared I wanted to do it. Like this whole day I've been crying under my blanket. Like I felt mad that day and the thought popped up and my hand twitched a tiny bit. Why was my first thought "I could get in trouble?" Does that mean I was considering it??? And why wasn't it something about morality instead like "this is wrong, I'm not doing that" and if it was an impulse??? I feel so guilty and sick to my stomach

marifer10

Date posted: 14d ago

@Aphid123 See the “what if’s” are intrusive thoughts also. I hope you don’t feel bad about it still. You are a good person because of the fact that you felt horrible after. 🫂

Aphid123

Date posted: 15d ago

Note, i haven't ever acted out in such ways when angry, but I still worry like what if somehow there is a higher chance?

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 12d ago

Trying to figure something out for hours and hours is rumination, and it's a compulsion. While it's understandable that the thought was distressing, because you are not someone who wants to harm others, you don't need to continue to ruminate on this. Here's some info on harm OCD: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-harm-ocd-guide-to-ocd-subtype?psafe_param=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=NOCD_PM_US&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjws-S-BhD2ARIsALssG0aHYgO3RMI6H85NfU0gKmIm1LFWTQ_yWExfxRhUDWF3qJAIzWaAXosaApaBEALw_wcB You can always schedule an intake call to get matched with an ERP therapist who will listen without judgment.

Jack03

Date posted: 8w ago

Is this OCD?

Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.

andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 8w ago

Does anyone ever mimic/imagine harm OCD thoughts?

Does anyone imagine they are doing their harm thoughts during an action, making you feel like you acted on your thoughts? For example, someone gave me a hug and at the last second I imagined I was touching something I shouldn’t during the hug? I want to make it clear it’s something I have zero desire to do! But the problem is, I thought it on purpose and it makes me sick !! Obviously nothing happened but my mind is telling me that was me trying to do it. Even though it was physically impossible to do. Am I a monster or could this be OCD? I’m freaking out and don’t want to be here anymore. I feel like I’m the exception and that this isn’t OCD. I know I post about this stuff a lot but I’m struggling and don’t know what to do.

Anony1314

Date posted: 7d ago

A VERY distressed mom. Someone anyone help!

Please comment. Just say if follows along the OCD pattern or not. I don't need reassurance per se! My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt/a**aulted her that I might as well do something else to hurt because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it because my mind told me I had hurt her already ("my mind literally made me question what to do and I guess the only thing I could come up with was using my elbow) and causing another feeling but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side/thigh area. Which caused another very unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. And I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. Idk what overcame me but my therapist says it's all OCD. I was doing SO well! Is this really OCD? This has all caused me a great amount of anxiety. I feel like a terrible person and mom. I just need help knowing if this is OCD. Not wanting reassurance. Just wanting to know if this lines up with the POCD I've been diagnosed with by my current therapist.

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Is this even OCD?

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