What’s your experience on: Losing opposite gender attraction? And, False attraction to same gender? I have both and I feel like I don’t know who I am. I can’t parent or be a husband due to the mass panic and anxiety. Just wanted to know if anyone has had both and regained theirself?
I've dealt with this off and on for most of my life. The thoughts are often the same, questioning whether I've been secretly gay for my entire life and am living a lie. This has lasted for various lengths of time but sometimes it's a long time. The thing that keeps me returning to what is true for me is actually interrogating the thoughts and imagining what it would feel like to wear that mantle. When I try it on, it feels wrong for me and I'm able to get off the ride. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this right now.
@uberhuberman Thank you for the support. I remember having this 13 years ago but I can’t remember having the false attraction. One day whilst driving my Brian just switched saying ‘ well that was stupid wasnt it’ then moved onto ROCD. It definitely feels wrong, I try to go with it and ‘agree to disagree’, tried ERP from home which I may not be doing right but I’m trying. In the end it generally doesn’t feel right and makes me want to be sick. Part of me knows this is not who I am, but the OCD is sometimes so strong it’s hard to believe. I’m sorry that you’ve dealt with this most of your life and I hope it doesn’t disappear for you.
Would also love to hear how others deal with this. You're not alone 🫶
@Anxious cat mama Glad I’m not alone. Would just love to hear something positive from this.
Same!! And even wondering if the false attraction is actually the real attraction and that the other one was fake and societal
@Anonymousesti Absolutely. I just hate it so much. I love my wife and children and this just came out of nowhere. I don’t want this.
Yes, exactly. It has happened to me to a greater or lesser extent throughout my life. (adolescence and early adulthood )
@Anonymous I’m sorry to ask you and please only as we if you feel like it but what was your worse stage? And also the moment(s) you knew it was getting better?
@What is happening to me My worst moment is now. And yes, there were times when I was very well, if the feeling/thought passed but was manageable.
I struggle with these things you’re talking about. You’re not alone, it can be really hard. There were times I never thought I’d get better or be able to go a day without horrible intrusive thoughts. But ERP therapy really helped me. It was hard and didn’t happen overnight, took a couple of months of consistent appointments and some conversations w my loved ones. But then almost all of a sudden, without me really noticing it, I was back to my life again and able to do things I enjoy, able to enjoy my relationship. Are you seeing a therapist? My NOCD therapist was fantastic. You could start there. Much love
@Anonymous Thank you so much. Honestly this reply has meant so much! I’m in queue for a therapist through the NHS. I can’t afford one where I live at the moment but doing my best to save. Thank you so much again, just your words has meant a lot.
@What is happening to me I’m glad I could help! And I appreciate your openness about what you’re experiencing. I think it’s very important for us to be able to talk about these things in a safe space. I hear you, therapy can be very expensive. Maybe in the meantime you could start some very small exposures on your own. I’m sure there are videos on YouTube for how to safely do these things without a therapist. I’m talking literally just repeating the phrase “sexual orientation” out loud to yourself for a few minutes a day without engaging in compulsions like checking or evidence or reassuring yourself “im not gay”. When I started therapy that’s all I could do, couldn’t even begin to say a phrase like “I may or may not be secretly gay.” And that’s okay, good to start small. When the exposure started I would feel distressed, like 4 or 5 on a scale out of 10. But after a few minutes of repeating it, surprisingly, the distress would get down to a 2 or 3. Something in my brain would realize that these words can’t hurt me, or something like that. That’s how I chipped away at it, doing exposures like that. A therapist can help create a more comprehensive list of exposures but I do believe there’s a lot we can do on our own. 🫂
@Anonymous Thank you so much again for such amazing help. How you put things down is amazing, it really is.
Nathan Peterson on YouTube has great videos about OCD and ERP!
@Anonymous Thank you so much! 100% going to look into this
What’s up man, definitely right there with you. What confuses me to is that I’m getting all those symptoms and then my brain makes me feel like I want it
@ejpwolfpack Absolutely. But I know deep down I really don’t. Constant battle and I’m trying to sit with the uncertainty but I can’t cope sometimes (most of the time).
Ok so I’m a 17 year old female, and I’ve always thought I was straight. But I just really want to know how you would know the difference between so-ocd and actually questioning your sexuality. I have nothing against the LGBTQ community (in fact I am very much a token straight friend, lol) but I saw a video about comp-het recently and it sort of felt like what I was experiencing. I don’t want to be gay, I want to be with men, I want to like men, I’ve always liked men, but now I’m questioning whether or not that’s real? Because people can be gay but not want to be right? I’m single and I always have been. I think women are gorgeous, but when I try to imagine actually having any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with a woman it feels wrong, at least most of the time it does? Sometimes I’m less sure, and I’ve never been particularly boy crazy. I’ve liked maybe 2 or 3 people in my life, (not to say I’ve never found other guys attractive, but it doesn’t seem to be as often as most people) I have no particular reason to be afraid of being gay, very supportive family, safe area ect, but I don’t want to be, does that mean this is ocd, I don’t know what’s going on every time I say I’m straight I feel like I’m lying, but that might just be because I think about it so much. The idea of being with a woman doesn’t feel like something I would want, but is that just because I don’t want to want it? People online say things with so much sureness, if you feel like this it means this. Ect.
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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