LESBIAN DEALING WITH SO OCD

I am a 18 year old masc lesbian with a loving girlfriend for 1 year, and I have been lesbian for almost my whole life and I have never been attracted to men in any way. flash to my past, My ex girlfriend who used to identify as a lesbian had cheated on me with a man. Recently I saw this tiktok of this masc lesbian turn straight and my friends and girlfriend made jokes I am going to turn straight for my male best friend. My male best friend came over and he’s a great guy but I do not want him in any way. when him and i were hanging out my mind threw in a thought it was “What if i like him”, i came back home and i had the worst panic attack and i felt so sick, i cried and i cried. ever since that day I have been struggling with intrusive thoughts, i don’t want a man in any way, and i feel comfortable as a lesbian but these thoughts won’t stop and they become worse when i see people say being lesbian is a phase or that i haven’t met the right guy or i’ll change in the future. i just want these thoughts to stop, i don’t want to stop being a lesbian ever, i love women so much and i just want all of this to be over with. i do not want a man in any way and im tired of my thoughts doubting myself and i hate the “what ifs”, I just want to be my old self, I want to be happy with my girlfriend.

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

In my experience intrusive thoughts have been something that is always troubling as well. They latch onto the things we dislike the most. It’s like if I say don’t think of pink elephants for a minute the first thing you’ll do is think of pink elephants. And the more you try to not think of it the worse the thought gets. Try less to avoid the thought and instead acknowledge it but tell yourself “oh there’s that thought again, but it’s just my OCD talking. It’s not true” and carry on with whatever you were doing. It sounds simple but really helps in practice for me. Also writing the thoughts on paper and trashing it is good too. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this trust me intrusive thoughts can really make you believe they’re true but the fact this bothers you so much is an indication to me that it’s not how you truly feel inside. I hope this helps. You got this, good luck!

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 17w

@Anonymous I have been trying my best and I noticed that when i engage with the thought less, I feel much better! There are days where I feel disconnected with everything and I feel so scared but I try my best to remind myself who I am again.

tanya_nocd

Date posted: 17w

Hey! Fellow lesbian with a girlfriend here, and I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this :( I know too well how upsetting and disorienting SO-OCD can be — it completely unraveled my life last year (before I knew it was OCD), and to be honest, I still deal with thoughts, rumination, etc. That said, my quality of life is immensely better than it was just months ago. If therapy is available to you, please pursue it and gradually start to incorporate daily ERP exercises. There are also resources through the IOCDF that have helped me. Trust that you’re not alone. You’re not the only lesbian with SO-OCD. You’re not the only masc lesbian with SO-OCD. I try to handle the uncertainty one day at a time. I’m constantly saying “maybe, maybe not.” “Maybe I’m [insert fear], but today I choose my girlfriend.” Best wishes to you in recovery!

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 17w

@tanya_nocd Unfortunately I can’t get therapy in any way, But i got on this app to see how people deal with their SO-OCD or similar scenarios, It’s kinda tough finding lesbians going through the same thing since it’s always straight people who worry they’re gay, but ever since this started i don’t feel like myself again and everything has gone down hill. I have been trying my best to stop engaging with these intrusive thoughts as well try acceptance of the thoughts. but sometimes it’s so hard because my brain tries to twist the acceptance as well, it really sucks.

tanya_nocd

Date posted: 17w

@Masc4lesb I understand—it’s isolating for sure—and I’ve gone through the same thing re: not feeling like myself (at some points I thought I’d never feel like myself again). Maybe try ERP on your own. You don’t have to necessarily accept the thoughts, but try to accept the uncertainty, that you may never truly know, you might never get an answer, but you can live the life you want anyway.

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 17w

@tanya_nocd how were you able to deal with it! i’m scared of ever wanting a guy or having to like a guy or have a fear of wanting a guy :((, i don’t like hearing sexuality is fluid it scares me. i have always been so confident until i was triggered.

tanya_nocd

Date posted: 16w

@Masc4lesb To be honest, it’s still very much a struggle—dealing with unrelenting fears, thoughts, and compulsions on a daily basis has been one of the hardest parts for me. But I try to manage by learning more about OCD itself (what the brain is actually doing), support groups, videos on OCD, etc.

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 15w

@tanya_nocd hi! i have a quick question, im a lesbian who has never been with a man or done anything with a man, and i perfectly okay with that and i feel happy that i havent, it brings me disgust and uncomfortableness if i ever try to but my brain says i have to experiment to be sure, i have a whole girlfriend and i hate this thought. i do not want to experiment and im scared that ill like it or smth :(

tanya_nocd

Date posted: 15w

@Masc4lesb I also have never been with a man (really in any capacity) and always felt fine with that until SO-OCD. I’ve had intrusive thoughts and even urges about experimenting, even though I have a girlfriend whom I love and want to be with. Unfortunately it’s one of those things where the harder you struggle against it, the worse it gets. Try to talk to your OCD: “maybe, maybe not” or “ok OCD thanks for that!”

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 15w

@tanya_nocd i always felt perfectly fine that i never had to do anything with a man and it made me happy actually before that like im completely like man free ykwim?? but then now ever since i have this theme of ocd, my brain chooses to attack each and every thing it can find. i love my girlfriend so much i really hate this this pressure

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

feeling helpless

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 16w

LESBIAN WITH SO-OCD

I have been doing okay for the past week or so and was really happy i felt that i was getting back on track, but today i went on tiktok and i saw something triggering which was “i thought i was a lesbian for 4 years until i met my now boyfriend” and it triggered me very badly, i have been crying all day and i can’t seem to make myself feel okay. i feel like im lying to myself that im not lesbian and i truly want men, but when i get any thought about men it feels disgusting and wrong and not me, i don’t want men i feel so sick i want to get out of this. i always felt so happy as a lesbian im so stuck i don’t want to be with a man. i have a loving girlfriend i just want to be happy with her.

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LESBIAN DEALING WITH SO OCD

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