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@nae nae Hi Nae! Long time no see :) thank you for commenting. I just feel weird going through this now. And like whatever content is on my phone or screen it’s like my brain doesn’t care and I dissociate and just touch myself (sorry explicit) but it isn’t anything crazy or me actually trying to get into that moment. It’s just so casual and like autopilot lmao. But i was researching and trying to find pictures for my assignment Which obviously had kids and then researching about their mental health. It just made me feel so weird and I zoned out and when I came to i like internally freaked out. It was weird because i know I wasn’t doing it to whatever was on my screen, but when I came to then the fear came as well and the “what if” But im able to not blame myself too much because I know im not lying. Like this has happened plenty of times before and not even just with POCD like I’ll be scrolling and something scary comes up or animals or something and I am not even doing the action to that but when I like snap back into it I’m like “???” wtf. And also the thought of if someone saw me and saw my research they would truly think im a p even though im not. It’s just like a back and forth in my brain. I am still out of country and I got dropped from therapy because of bills. So it’s just hard. I keep trying to move on from this but it’s in the front of my mind!!! Sometimes I just want to burst out crying and just cry until I pass out. Because this is a lot sometimes. And im so over my ocd that sometimes I can’t freak out which makes it worse. I can never win😔

@dee012 Ugh, I know what you mean. OCD is so draining to live with. And I'm really sorry to hear that you were dropped from therapy :( If you feel the need to cry, don't hold it in. It's good to let it all out sometimes. This occurred years ago for me, and it's still something that'll bother me when I remember, so I know it must be even more distressing for you since it just happened. But try to remember how to respond to those thoughts. Don't give them the attention they want! And I'm always here for you if you need to talk, friend! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

@nae nae I would like to talk but I feel as though I talk to much. My comments are always long and all over the place. I feel worse because mines happening now :( thanks for ur support

@dee012 Of course! And I think you just have a lot that you've been holding in :) But that's okay. I'm sorry this is happening. Hopefully, it'll fade soon.

@nae nae I’m sorry for my long msg

@dee012 Don't apologize! I didn't mind at all!