worried 18+ nsfw

@angel 🪽 Hi

@Idontknow hi i’m super worried pls

@angel 🪽 It’s ok, I understand 😞 what’s wrong????

@Idontknow this is like extremely tmi and i’m super sorry abt that id understand if you didn’t want to read bc it would be awkward but i do this thing and it’s like o can’t m*sturbate or engage in anything sexual after being around kids bc it triggers my ocd and yeah it just makes me feel dirty bc even tho it’s not that im yk attracted to them, my mind still plays tricks. today i decided to push through it bc ik it’s my ocd and my nephew came down but i didn’t know he was n i played roblox with him for a bit and when he left like an hour later i think it was i was talking to this boy and things got yk sexual so i ended up doing that and i feel so guilty now. and it’s like just before the boy and i yk engaged in such conversations and i couldn’t even yk it took me like hours to and the second i finally did i had constant intrusive thoughts. idk how im supposed to push through them bc i feel so dirty and terrible

@angel 🪽 I can relate to not doing anything s because of Pocd But why feel guilty about talking to the boy was he underage???

@Idontknow no not at all he’s my age it’s just idk whenever i’m around ppl younger i don’t allow myself to like yk read anything sexual or do anything sexual in them 24 hours because i KNOW ill get intrusive thoughts about it.

@angel 🪽 You’re ok!! It seems like you're going through a tough time with your OCD and how it's affecting your feelings about intimacy and sexual behavior. I want you to know that those feelings of distress and guilt are tied to your OCD and don’t truly reflect your real desires or intentions. It's completely normal to feel confused and frustrated when OCD makes it hard to enjoy certain activities or connect with others. You're not alone in this, I understand you 100%

@Tireddd this is like extremely tmi and i’m super sorry abt that id understand if you didn’t want to read bc it would be awkward but i do this thing and it’s like o can’t m*sturbate or engage in anything sexual after being around kids bc it triggers my ocd and yeah it just makes me feel dirty bc even tho it’s not that im yk attracted to them, my mind still plays tricks. today i decided to push through it bc ik it’s my ocd and my nephew came down but i didn’t know he was n i played roblox with him for a bit and when he left like an hour later i think it was i was talking to this boy and things got yk sexual so i ended up doing that and i feel so guilty now. and it’s like just before the boy and i yk engaged in such conversations and i couldn’t even yk it took me like hours to and the second i finally did i had constant intrusive thoughts. idk how im supposed to push through them bc i feel so dirty and terrible

@angel 🪽 No no, i read. I'm so sorry you feel this way, i understand it's not good to give reassurance, but you didn't act on it as much as your mind convinces you that it's the same, you didn't have the intention, that's why they give you so much anxiety. It FEELS so real, i get it, you feel irredeemable and like you're making a bunch of excuses or you simply believe you acted on it because of the backdoor spike you get, what you are experiencing has a name and it's the backdoor spike. "Why am i pushing through it, does it mean i'm bad?" I don't think you're dirty, bad, or anything like that, i think you're human and you have anxiety like everyone else here, i don't think this is something new that i've read, i've read many experiences of people with OCD like this. Don't be afraid to go to therapy or tell your therapist this if you're going, believe me they've heard way worse things than this. Sending you hugs and strength 🫂