Tireddd
- Date posted
- 28d ago
Can someone talk to me? +18
Just woke up and feel terrible about my events and everything. Is there someone available?
RayanswaidRayanswaid
- Date posted
- 28d ago
I just want to say — your ability to speak this out loud is so brave. Staring OCD is one of those themes that carries so much shame and guilt, and yet, it’s so misunderstood. The very fact that you feel this much distress is already proof that your values are not aligned with harm or disrespect — they’re aligned with care, awareness, and deep moral responsibility. OCD loves to trap us in that loop of “checking to make sure we’re not doing something wrong,” and ironically, that checking becomes the very thing it convinces us to fear. It’s not about desire or intent — it’s about fear and anxiety manifesting as compulsions. You’re not weird. You’re not alone. And you’re definitely not a bad person. You’re someone who’s stuck in a painful loop, trying to be good in a brain that won’t stop questioning that goodness. You don’t have to earn your humanity back — you already are human. And being human means you deserve compassion, not punishment.
Mitu_001Mitu_001
- Date posted
- 28d ago
Yes.What happened?
TiredddTireddd
- Date posted
- 28d ago
Trigger warning for disturbing s3xu4l stuff. Since i was a child i was exposed to, you know, 18+ content on the internet. My way of, yk, fixing it was to "rub" me, this is uncomfortable to say but oh well. So i ended up looking for lesbian stuff, not because female bodies were more attracive to me, but because i wanted to see something that resembled the "rub" sensation. I was also curious, as homosexuality was "Taboo" for me, my father was quite homophobic. I liked anime, so i ended up looking for hentai like the stuff i described above, on the busiest pages (the orange and black one) I found only one compilation with that at like 12-13 years old, and in that compilation there were very disturbing things, like clips of what looked like characters in schools and they looked very small. I saw it anyway without questioning it, and i even think i saw it again around that age (12-13) or i tried to search it but i didn't find it, i don't know. Then when i was 15 and the anxiety attack that i still have now started but with fears of being a Z00ph1.. but it hadn't fully dawned on me yet, so the last time i saw anything was when i searched for "incest gay comics", and the only thing that came out was, again, characters that looked small or in a chibi style. Not to mention that i did search for more disturbing things throughout those years (11-15 years old) but what i saw was mostly characters of my age. Another thing i don't remember when it was, or how, is that since i had a boyfriend at the time, i liked to fantasize about characters my age or ships my age, so i looked them up to fantasize about him. Once i don't know if i came across it or my boyfriend sent it to me (like at 12-13 again or so) but it was a very disturbing anime video of kindergarten girls turning adult and having yk, i don't remember if i was upset about it or if i fixed with it. I am very worried about these and that they would make me a monster or a P, these are my main real events and i'm so terrified of them.
Mitu_001Mitu_001
- Date posted
- 28d ago
I am sorry that you struggle..I want to say to you that you were a kid and you didnt understand then.I know is difficult and I understand that you feel guilty.But is not your fault.And you are not a monster.You just need help
TiredddTireddd
- Date posted
- 28d ago
Thank you, i'm sorry if i gave too much details or if i disturbed you, it's just so bad, i just think i have the worst events here :(
nae naenae nae
- Date posted
- 26d ago
Hi, I couldn't find your most recent post, so I'll just reply here! 🙇♀️ None of this makes you a monster or a... you know. There's thousands of people who've had similar childhood experiences (unfortunately), but it's not something that causes them this much distress. That's where the OCD comes into play and tries to twist these memories into something else entirely. I experienced similar things as a child (being exposed to inappropriate content at a young age, exploration, etc...). There's a lot I saw that I wish I didn't, but it doesn't define who I am now. And it doesn't define who you are now either. The fact you're worried about this is proof you aren't like those people. You've learned and grown so, so much since then 🥲🫂
TiredddTireddd
- Date posted
- 26d ago
Thank you so much! And also thank you for your really kind words. I really appreciate it. I'm so sorry you went through something similar, it's very painful, i send you hugs and strength to keep going 🫂
nae naenae nae
- Date posted
- 26d ago
@Tireddd Sending the same to you 🫂 Take it one day at a time.
Related posts
ocd1101
- Date posted
- 18w ago
I feel absolutely horrible!!
I had same Sex fantasies, sought that out in 🌽 before I knew what sexuality was, it’s related to a specific fetish and I used to talk to strangers online including men and I’m scared now what all of this means, I have HOCD, POCD, all sorts of thoughts but I don’t know if it’s my thoughts or my past which is reality. Why did I have those thoughts as a young boy? Why why why? Who am I? Do I even have OCD? What monster am I? I just want to end it all sometimes in all honesty. Not really but sure feels like it. I’m dying inside .
dee012
- Date posted
- 12w ago
Sad
Just feeling down. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and sad about trauma I went through, also about mistakes I’ve made. I just feel so sad and I want to cry. I just want to talk to God so bad.. or my younger self. I have so many questions:( .. I don’t want to victimize myself, but it hurts. Nobody talks about how gross and disgusting you feel after going through seggsual trauma as a kid, and how it messes up your brain sortve .. I will make something of myself no matter what. I think I will just light some sage and rest.. this isn’t the end. I love this world, it’s such a blessing to be here. No matter the good or bad.. I just need to keep that in mind
str4berrycoo...
- Date posted
- 5w ago
how i deal with the "what ifs" (+18)
i feel like i have been posting a lot about this and i will try to stop since now but i just don't know where to start or what to do, and i can't take therapy right now either. my event is about something that did actually happen; i had a boyfriend and we had a 1.5 age difference (i know this sounds stupid) but the thing is that we both started to sext a lot since he was 14 and i was 15. we shared audios videos pictures ect and i don't know how to just let this go, even when i know that i never really forced him into anything and i was always constantly worried about him being comfortable, when to stop and ect. the memories keep coming back to my mind and the guilt is eating me up slowly because i keep thinking that i'm a predator or a groomer or something like that. i don't know how to deal with the what ifs either, lately i haven't stopped thinking what if i sexually harassed or sexually exploited him or something like that. how do i deal with the cycle of guilt and constant what ifs if i also feel like my event is worse than others i've seen? please help me with this. it's getting a lil tiring and even if somedays i know how to deal with this, i still get really triggered sometimes. this wouldn't even bother me before, i wish i could just get back in time before this theme popped into my mind. my life has been a hell since then and i live constantly scared and suicidal.
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