will i eventually understand my ocd better?

You don't need to feel it perfectly to move forward with your life... Happiness doesn't always have to feel real... Normal things also seems numb sometimes... The more you don't give any importance to your OCD thoughts the more you find joy in things you love.... So it's not like you have to be perfect at it just do it... Just begin with the calmness in your mind... Let your heart feel it... Then you will slowly getting better and will feel it better... Just going with the flow of the life is enough for now!! No need to find answers for OCD at all.... It can bark all day 🤣

A lot of it takes time, try not to stress about it too much. Working with a counselor or doing research about ocd can help you understand the basics but understanding how ocd affects you takes time after your diagnosis and nobody is perfect at it. In terms of how to address your ocd it can be helpful to work with other people, particularly counselors who can help identify ocd behaviors. One of the major indicators is looking at any recurring thoughts that cause you intense stress or doubt or any repeated behaviors that you do in response to stress. It isn’t always ocd but the most important stuff to focus on is whatever bothers you or interferes with your life the most

You are not alone in these feelings. It's pretty typical for OCD to gaslight you into thinking you don't have it, or that you're lying. The more work you do with your therapist, and the more you educate yourself the easier it will be to spot an ocd thought. It's hard, but you are worth the work 💕

Before I knew I had OCD, my therapist asked me if I had intrusive thoughts. “I don’t know what that is…” After the explanation, I freaked out because I realized I had MANY intrusive thoughts and for years I just thought they were *my* thoughts, so how in the world do I know what’s me and what’s not me?! A year or so later, I understand my OCD much better. I continued therapy, read books, listened to podcasts, talked to people who understood… and now I can easily recognize an intrusive/unwanted thought and not spiral. (Though when I’m tired or stressed, I might fall back into old patterns, but I figure that out too and make a change.) I think you *will* understand your OCD better, mainly because you want to. Wishing you insight, hope, and strength on this journey. And lots of kindness and self-compassion.