I need help dealing with this

I have been really really struggling for the past 3 months and haven’t been able to stop intrusive thoughts/ rumination and confessing. It’s making me question my entire life, my relationship and even who I am as a person. It’s mainly effecting my relationship, I am so afraid that I did something or think things that are definitely hurtful to my partner. I know my brain is contorting my own memory and making things seem so much worse. I also know I haven’t done anything bad, all my things I’ve confessed about have been considered “normal” and I’ve been told that “you’re normal, you didn’t do anything wrong”. But I have felt this intense sense of guilt and shame and it doesn’t go away, I can’t even be a normal person anymore. And I keep searching for “just one more thing I need to tell” and I don’t want to keep searching my brain of every time I’ve said or done anything that I can distort and make seem 1000% worse. I’m isolating myself and just feel like I’m a bad person. I keep confessing my thoughts, feeling, urges, etc. to my partner and while I know I would never do any of these I feel like my ocd is trying to convince me that maybe I would because “why else would you think it or feel guilty” and that makes it so much worse. I really need guidance on how to handle this. What do I do to stop feeling like this and heal?

🐾 JackalDog 🐾

Date posted: 12w

unfortunately what might help the most is to stop confessing. maybe you did do something bad, maybe you didn't. obviously you can't know for sure, your brain is trying to confuse you. the uncertainty is something you're supposed to accept, abet it's hard

GKW

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 12w

OCD can make you think anything and I do mean anything. I know it’s hard to accept, but you will never be 100% sure. For me it’s like a 60/40 situation and it could go either way, depending on the day. Sometimes the best thing to do is laugh when your OCD brings up something/anything. Maybe you did do something hurtful, maybe you didn’t. That’s some of the best ways you can respond. I used to look at physical reactions. So I would stand in front of a mirror in my house and I would say the thing I was scared of and see if I smiled, or if I looked disgusted then I would take that as my answer. But OCD will make you doubt that too, so I was only making it worse for myself. My main point is try staying neutral. It’s like the gearshift in your car. Your anxiety is constantly keeping you in drive (I need to figure this out right now) or reverse (I need to remember this one instance exactly how it happened) but honestly neutral is the best place to be (accepting that either outcome is possible). I hope this helps and just remember you are stronger than your OCD. I know it doesn’t feel like it sometimes but you are.

DannyO507

Date posted: 12w

@GKW Thank you! This makes sense and helps, however, I feel like the possibility of “you may have did something hurtful” is what bothers me most. I know there are some things that I would ABSOLUTELY not do but what about the smaller things? I have a hard time coming to terms with that possibility, do you know what I mean? How do you become okay with accepting that you don’t know and to ignore and stay neutral?

GKW

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 12w

@DannyO507 It’s really hard and it took me a long time before I started seeing a difference. I think I just got to a point where my brain got tired lol. And it’s not that you become okay, I still have days where I am nowhere near that. Focus more on intention instead of certainty. It’s very hard to accept because everything you are feeling and experience seems 100% real or is becoming real. Start slow, whenever a thought pops in just say I don’t know or even better respond sarcastically “absolutely I would do that” “that’s exactly what I am doing, you’re right” “I think you are really onto something there, I should do that or say that”. As time goes on it gets easier. It took me over two years to get where I am today. I think a lot of people with OCD suffer from a form of mental instant gratification, just take it one day at a time and be intentional with your non-engagement responses. I know you wanna get better as soon as possible, trust me I have been there too, but the more you focused on getting better the more you recognize any potential flaw and then you begin to overanalyze and stress and next thing you know you’re back to where you started. You will get there Danny, it just takes time. It’s a marathon, not a race.

DannyO507

Date posted: 12w

@GKW Thank you so much for your help!

Anonnnnnm

Date posted: 22w

Please help (ROCD)!

I have been battling ocd for over a year now and it likes to switch themes. Currently, it’s attacking my relationship with my girlfriend who I’ve been with since I was in high school over 10 years ago. It first began as an intense feeling that I have to leave or break up with her over dumb little things. Then it changed into a lot of guilt for having any thought about another girl. And the worse is feeling this intense guilt for past things I’ve done in the past while in this relationship. We were so young and I was teenager, but I often found myself watching porn, fantasizing about real other people in my life, and getting off to other girls that I may have known. When I was younger I didn’t think it was bad and that it was just a normal teen boy thing, but 10 years later I have so much guilt about it. And yes I’m with the same girl now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know I love this girl and I’m ready to propose to her soon. Anyway, these past mistakes I did when I was younger make me feel like a cheater and I can’t stop ruminating about it. I feel like I have to admit every detail and person I’ve ever had a bad thought about. I feel like if I propose to her and don’t tell her everything, that I’m a lair and didn’t give her the full picture. And the other day one of the girls I thought was hot when I was younger, came up in convo and I just went downhill. Now she knows I deal with OCD and she is very supportive, I’ve told her before that I did some bad things, but never all the details. And that’s all my brain keeps telling me to do. I have so much tightness in my chest and just want to be able to breathe again. But everyone says to not admit or it’ll reinforce the cycle, I’m just not sure how everyone else does that. And at the same time, maybe I am a cheater and just simply a bad person. Idk! I never cheated physically or anything like that, but my past mistakes feel like I did. But again I may just be a bad person! Please if anyone has advice or is dealing with similar things, I’d appreciate the help!

Relationship OCD

chickenmomma

Date posted: 22w

I struggle with confessing

This is my first post & I’m terrified. I have not been officially diagnosed w ocd yet but in a nutshell - I confessed some things I felt guilty about to my husband about five months ago. ( nothing too major ) but in our past, 20+ years ago I was unfaithful and it caused a LOT of harm, which I told him all of that back when it happened. But in recent months, I started getting consumed by guilt. I couldnt eat or sleep until I finally broke one night and told him all these recent little things I felt guilty about. Acting flirty, etc. And for him it like brought back allll the trauma from 20 years ago which I didn’t know would happen. But it’s so bad. He says he wishes I never told him. But even w that, I still feel like I keep thinking of “new things “ I did in the past, thoughts I had or dreams, or conversation w an ex,things like that. Because I am a Christian I also keep feeling like it’s the Holy Spirit telling me I haven’t told him everything and I need to. But I also know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear .. I clearly need help, but I also want Christian based help so that it’s in line w what I believe ? I can’t eat and my anxiety is so bad again - I know if I confess more things it will keep destroying him, I don’t think he really understands or believes I have ocd. Thanks if you made it this far

jsford04

Date posted: 16w

so overwhelmingly sad and need someone to talk to

My OCD has become so bad and I feel so alone. I have religious OCD (Christianity) and I’ve been doing okay with letting the blasphemous thoughts go in the moment, but I’m so overcome with guilt and shame I can barely function. I can feel okay and hopeful for a few minutes and then I’m reminded of the horrible thoughts and how nothing can take them back and I can’t handle the guilt. I’m becoming a burden to my family and feel so alone. I do not know what to do. Please help.

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