I’ve looked at my boyfriend’s looks for so long that I really hope I value him as a person like he values me. I’ve entered into a mature love, that’s beyond feelings. But I want that attraction back like how can I grow my feelings towards him? Why does it feel so bleh or not like when I first meet a guy and I’m getting to know him? Comfortable?
Okay! That leads me to think you're adjusting to getting comfortable, I wouldn't worry about it too much! Being in a long term relationship also means you will have many feelings about your partner in the span of your time together- you might not always find them attractive and that doesn't mean you don't love them. It's just a part of being human. I don't always look my best and I don't expect to always be attractive to my partner!
@garlicgorl13 I just wanna value him for him. He says idc what you look like my love for you isn’t based on how you look and I think I’ve had the wrong perceived view of love. He’s like I want YOu to be my wife I don’t just want a wife and looks aren’t everything like ik I’m not dating a 10 but he is attractive to me and he is incredibly attractive in who he is I love him I am fairly comfortable but idk how to get creative and bring back young love lol. Like I don’t want it to feel like we’re roomated. We don’t live together since we’re not married but lol. Sometimes u feel like more times than not I don’t notice when he looks attractive it’s off and on and sometimes it’s ok sometimes it oh I reallt like how he looks sometimes it’s not much at all. My feelings with that wax and wane daily and it freaks me out lol. Bc I am not crazy about his looks but I do love him and I don’t relate care
@EmmaGrace27 It sounds like you do value him for who he is, based on what you've said here. None of what you said screams "I don't love my partner and I think he's ugly" (to ME) and as you know, OCD will prey on the things we value the most! And you're absolutely valid in not wanting to feel "room mated" that is something a lot of couples go through and there is not one right answer to go about avoiding it. You will cross that bridge when you get to it, and find something that works for you both!
@garlicgorl13 Aw thank you I appreciate that’. I mean I love the man! He’s not ugly and I most certainly don’t wanna go look for a guy I find extra attractive bc I want him so I have to ignore my brain and say that’s a dumb idea I love my partner no matter what he looks like on any certain day or how he’s doing that’s commitment
@EmmaGrace27 It sounds like you have a great partner to help you overcome whatever life throws at you, as a person and as a couple! I'm rooting for you both 🫂
@garlicgorl13 Thank you I appreciate that! I do
Like what the other person said, I have seen and replied to some of your posts recently. It does feel like you are looking for reassurance. I want to say that you can't go on chasing that beginning "young love" feeling because you will just move from one relationship to another. It will become a pattern because you are trying to catch a temporary high. Real committed love turns from passionate to compassionate. You may not have the strong emotional high but you get a deeper and more content sense of love. Which is what you want. And it sounds like the love and appreciation you have for him is becoming that. Love is deeper than looks. I believe you also stated you are waiting until marriage to be more physical. That is fine but don't look too much into feelings when it does happen. Satisfying physical intimacy can take a little time and lots of communication to make great. As long as you both listen to each other and work together than you got nothing to worry about.
@FiddyK Right
Hi there, I've seen a couple of your posts and not to be rude but it does seem like you are seeking reassurance, which I don't want to engage in. But I do have a quesrion- is this your first long term relationship? Have you been with your partner for a year+?
@garlicgorl13 Yes
@EmmaGrace27 To both
@garlicgorl13 No worries call me out LOL
So I don’t feel that physically attracted to my boyfriend but I love him! I wanna be with him I love his heart and who he is. Can this still work you think? Anyone? I already obsess over his looks but I’m afraid about this bc I wanna value who he is over looks period!
Would i know if i am losing feelings for my partner? How would i know? I feel disconnected and irritated by him recently and its scaring me that ive lost feelings and just dont want to leave because i am comfortable
So I talked to my therapist about some things, and I’m doing a lot better. I’ve realized I’m obsessed with infatuation and feelings. When I expect to feel really goodly eyed over my boyfriend I don’t, sometimes I am most of the time I’m not. However I cuddle him, have desires for sex with him, I love him, I love being with him, he’s funny, his personality is attractive. I also want my physical attraction to grow. I’m afraid if I don’t look at him an ogle that it means I should be with someone I can do that with.But physical attraction is fleeting. He’s amazing he should be the father of my kids, I am not wanting to give up. This is half ocd half not. I wand to feel a certain way but honesty ? I have to allow myself to feel these things and stop fearing. Like allow myself to reflect on his heart and the things I love instead of focusing on obsessing over something I don’t like.
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