pocd

@I’llBeYourMirror I agree. It attacks anything you care about.

it’s just bc i will be thinking thoughts of my gf but it feels like i think about kids on purpose in a way like i replace my gf and it makes me feel horrible

@lllllllllllIlll I noticed you seem to struggle heavily with POCD and from my experience, I think I can understand. Something that helped me personally was that I just had to wake up one day and make the realization that there is nothing that I have ever done to prove that I am a danger to children no matter how distressing those thoughts got. I knew that if I continued to live by my values in action, there will continue to be no proof I am a danger to children. This goes for harm OCD as well. This is why understanding OCD is extremely important because no matter how specific these thoughts get or what time they come up, they are intrusive because they aren’t reflective of desire. And if they weren’t intrusive you wouldn’t be distressed over them

@I’llBeYourMirror - i just don’t like that it makes me feel like i’m turning into someone bad like when i look at a kid i feel gross but i feel like im looking with bad intentions and now i’ve been struggling with feeling like im thinking my thoughts with my own will and i feel so bad

@I’llBeYourMirror hi, can I ask a question after pocd, how you face this period of time? I now are no longer be trigger, but I still find it really shame that I really doubt myself of that, and my medical records wrote pedophilia, I just get upset every time I record it. It feels like if I’m not telling the people I have those past I’m sinned. Feels so bad and I don’t know how to get into a new relationship. May I ask how you deal with it?

@Wanqing If your medical team wrote down pedophilia as independent from your OCD then I’d ask why if you haven’t already because that’s extremely pathologizing and distressing I remember I was similar to you in that I used to feel like if I don’t tell people my “past” I’m lying to them as much as I am to myself. The shame I felt turned into avoidance, but I grew to realize that I need to build a sense of self trust and compassion so that I don’t remain isolated from the life I wish to live I still struggle with residual symptoms like internalized shame but I didn’t really realize it for years because it felt like that’s just normal functioning for me, but I’m doing therapy again and it sucks because I keep being dismissed or recommended ERP again

@I’llBeYourMirror No the pedophilia is with the ocd, but I still feel so sad about this word. The thought and doubt weren’t there before, sometime I just feel like I’m so helpless, why this tragedy happened on us. I was triggered by a ocd treatment video and pocd became my worst theme and until then I was diagnosed. And so sorry you are going through the same thing. If you have anything to share with this on going shame and sadness please let me know, and for me I’m keep watching those people who saying the pocd out loud their videos, that made me feel like one day maybe I will be no longer trigger by my medical records anymore.