lllllllllllIlll
- Date posted
- 14w
pocd
i’m a little worried everytime i think like sexual about my girlfriend my thoughts feel replaced by kids and it makes me think that im the thinking on purpose am i?
I’llBeYourMirrorI’llBeYourMi...
- Date posted
- 14w
POCD feels extremely shameful to live with and I find it’s because it’s not just attacks our sense of morals, but also our sexual identity. When I was younger I had a bad lack of insight into OCD and especially around similar thoughts to the point I grew extremely avoidant over the idea of romance, sex, and even parenthood. It’s extremely important to know that OCD latches onto our fears and values in a way that makes us question ourselves. The timing of when those thoughts occur actually reflects that as well. It is not reflective of desire which is why understanding OCD is already half the recovery.
KAW1007KAW1007
- Date posted
- 14w
@I’llBeYourMirror I agree. It attacks anything you care about.
lllllllllllIllllllllllllllIlll
- Date posted
- 14w
it’s just bc i will be thinking thoughts of my gf but it feels like i think about kids on purpose in a way like i replace my gf and it makes me feel horrible
I’llBeYourMirrorI’llBeYourMi...
- Date posted
- 14w
@lllllllllllIlll I noticed you seem to struggle heavily with POCD and from my experience, I think I can understand. Something that helped me personally was that I just had to wake up one day and make the realization that there is nothing that I have ever done to prove that I am a danger to children no matter how distressing those thoughts got. I knew that if I continued to live by my values in action, there will continue to be no proof I am a danger to children. This goes for harm OCD as well. This is why understanding OCD is extremely important because no matter how specific these thoughts get or what time they come up, they are intrusive because they aren’t reflective of desire. And if they weren’t intrusive you wouldn’t be distressed over them
lllllllllllIllllllllllllllIlll
- Date posted
- 14w
@I’llBeYourMirror - i just don’t like that it makes me feel like i’m turning into someone bad like when i look at a kid i feel gross but i feel like im looking with bad intentions and now i’ve been struggling with feeling like im thinking my thoughts with my own will and i feel so bad
Wanqing Wanqing
- Date posted
- 14w
@I’llBeYourMirror hi, can I ask a question after pocd, how you face this period of time? I now are no longer be trigger, but I still find it really shame that I really doubt myself of that, and my medical records wrote pedophilia, I just get upset every time I record it. It feels like if I’m not telling the people I have those past I’m sinned. Feels so bad and I don’t know how to get into a new relationship. May I ask how you deal with it?
I’llBeYourMirrorI’llBeYourMi...
- Date posted
- 14w
@Wanqing If your medical team wrote down pedophilia as independent from your OCD then I’d ask why if you haven’t already because that’s extremely pathologizing and distressing I remember I was similar to you in that I used to feel like if I don’t tell people my “past” I’m lying to them as much as I am to myself. The shame I felt turned into avoidance, but I grew to realize that I need to build a sense of self trust and compassion so that I don’t remain isolated from the life I wish to live I still struggle with residual symptoms like internalized shame but I didn’t really realize it for years because it felt like that’s just normal functioning for me, but I’m doing therapy again and it sucks because I keep being dismissed or recommended ERP again
Wanqing Wanqing
- Date posted
- 13w
@I’llBeYourMirror No the pedophilia is with the ocd, but I still feel so sad about this word. The thought and doubt weren’t there before, sometime I just feel like I’m so helpless, why this tragedy happened on us. I was triggered by a ocd treatment video and pocd became my worst theme and until then I was diagnosed. And so sorry you are going through the same thing. If you have anything to share with this on going shame and sadness please let me know, and for me I’m keep watching those people who saying the pocd out loud their videos, that made me feel like one day maybe I will be no longer trigger by my medical records anymore.
Related posts
Shaodidi
- Date posted
- 25w
I think I enjoy my thoughts
I just had intense sexual thoughts of this 6 yo, I got intense groinal response and I felt like I genuinely liked the thoughts, like I had 0 distress from the thoughts and I felt intense groinal response, I felt like I wanted the thoughts, now I feel like a litteral pedo, I don’t wanna be a pedo, idk why I felt that way towards the thoughts, but it felt genuine, like attraction and enjoyment, I’ve not been diagnosed with pocd and I just started therapy, can someone please help me? Idk why this happened or if it even is pocd, I don’t wish to be a pedo but I feel like one rn.
caffelattino
- Date posted
- 25w
pocd?
I'm 21 and eventually I would like to have a child. I am terrified about the fact that I could have sexual thoughts about them... So now I am filled with intrusive thoughts. How should I respond to these? "So yes, what if I will have intrusive thoughts about that?" But im terrified because a normal person shouldnt think about even that at all. I am so scared. I cannot respond "what if" because this is too serious and it makes me so bad if i respond "what if"
Shaodidi
- Date posted
- 23w
Pocd??
So I was never diagnosed with pocd but many ppl said that I have it and my therapist also said that I have ocd, I’ve recently been getting these thoughts and feelings of attraction towards kids, idk if it’s real attraction or not, but I worry that it’s true attraction because I don’t feel panic and anxiety towards those thoughts and feelings anymore, I used to feel that, but I also never felt shame or guilt for those thoughts and feelings. I also can’t tell if I want those thoughts and feelings or not. When I get those thoughts and feelings, I tell myself “I can’t be attracted to kids” and “being attracted to kids is bad” and “I wouldn’t like kids”. The main thing is I can tell if I am attracted to the kids or not, I feel like I want to know, but I also don’t know if I want to be attracted to kids or not, yet the attraction feeling feels so genuine, I can’t tell if it’s false or not, I try to compare my attraction towards a girl my age to the feelings I get when I see the kids. I’m also under the age of 16, and I’ve heard that people under the age of 16 are at risk of developing p#dophilia, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to become a pedo. But I can’t tell what I want anymore, I can’t tell if my feelings intrusive or not. Even though some people said that I have “textbook ocd” I still don’t believe it. These feelings and thoughts, I just don’t understand if I want and like them or not, idk if I WANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. Can someone give me advice pls? ANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. I also used to watch p#rn a lot, I was exposed to it at a young age cause I was a stupid ass kid once, I got addicted to it and watched it every day, when all of these feelings and thoughts started, I completely stopped watching p#rn which fixed that, but now I’m worried it was a sign of something bad because I heard that early porn exposure creates mental issues and stuff, so I don’t know if I have pocd or actual pedophilia anymore. I’m also currently tryin to get a relationship with a girl my age. Can someone give me advice on all of this pls? Idk what all of this means anymore :( (edited) I also keep getting thoughts of kids and I’m worried I’m attracted to a specific part of them, because most of the thoughts include that specific part of the kid. Im also attracted to that specific part on adults, but I’m worried that it’s a sign I’m a pedo because it manifests on the thoughts of kids
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