Wedding planning ROCD, can anyone relate?

Hey everyone! Not trying to seek reassurance, but more so would just love to know if others can relate so I feel less alone. I am engaged and planning my wedding for next summer, which has been very exciting and fun, EXCEPT that I sometimes get triggered by seeing TikToks or hearing people say that wedding planning should be like 100% equally shared between partners. I would say I am handling a bit more of the planning, mostly because I am the one who wanted the wedding more (as opposed to like a courthouse wedding) and will have many more guests, and my fiance is also just very easygoing and doesn’t have a ton of strong opinions about wedding stuff. But I’ve been hearing people say things like “planning your wedding together foreshadows how your marriage will be” and it’s causing me to overanalyze things, like how much we’re each contributing and whether it’s “enough” or whether it bodes well for our marriage. Even though we have a very healthy relationship and I’m super excited to marry him, and I really do consider us partners in every way. I just hate the black and white idea that everything should always be exactly 50/50 because my OCD brain latches onto that and starts looking for ways that we are “doomed.” Anyone out there experiencing something similar?

a_raisinbran...

Date posted: 18h

As someone with perfectionism ocd, I told my now husband, all he needed to do was show uppp. I didn’t let him do anything. Which luckily, he was fine with. I think whatever works for you as a couple is what is right. It’s hard to not be triggered and feed into the thoughts. Especially when it comes to something as high stress is planning a wedding. While I do think that planning a wedding is so much fun, it does get really stressful regardless of how fun it is, or how involved your partner is or is not. That stress can definitely cause flareups, regardless of the situation. Congratulations!! Try and focus on the good 🥰🩵

jmccread

Date posted: 15h

I recently got married and can confirm the wedding planning process was definitely not 50/50 and it is not a reflection of your relationship or how marriage will be. My husband was also very nonchalant when it came to wedding decisions but I knew that he supported my decisions 100%, so I felt like that also made up for his lack of actual planning help. There would also be days where he would step up and take over more of the house duties on days when I felt extremely overwhelmed with planning, which was very helpful. If you feel supported in your relationship that’s what matters at the end of the day. You’ve got this!

Anonymous

Date posted: 16h

Congratulations! I think that advice was out of context and tiktok is too much of a platform to gear opinions based on which video you click on or watch through, so if you watch the engaging drama new info of "warning!" Video, it will not likely show you the other side of the argument either. Plus no one has to be a professional to provide opinions and even hateful videos can make money, so the content may have been spruce up for people wanting to engage than the boring "everything will be OK". This too is only my opinion, from what i understand is more on the non negotiable context if you are a person who really desires to plan with their fiancé, feels overwhelmed planning the wedding, or really want to plan the wedding without the fiancé, it will cause a lot of resentment because each other are not meeting expectations of an undefined fantasy of how "much" a person should be involved and rarely people can talk it out if they are unaware what is upsetting them in the first place. Having disagreements or trial and error is okay, having a meltdown and dismissive unapologetic attitude is not okay. Not every day will the relationship is 50/50, sometimes it's 80/20 and it flips, it's a tag team match not the race where both ankles are tied together. I know i wouldn't want to fix mechanics even though i know i could if I learn about it, but the on the table discussing is my partner would handle that and I'll deal with paperwork even though they too can do paperwork but it's more fun for me and just stress for them. But if we're unable to do it we are okay with the other person stepping in to cover for us. It's OK if the agreement is not to step in either, it's only when there's a push in boundaries or trying to enforce an expectation that causes people to question compatibility. Is okay if there are mistakes, it's about the recovery and you both don't have to be each other's perfect versions of the best spouse either, you both have a life long to learn that together eventually.

clair_m88

Date posted: 25w

ROCD and house chores

Hi everyone. I’m having a really hard time today in my relationship. I am just feeling so frustrated by my back-and-forth feelings about my relationship. One day I’ll feel so good, and then the next I don’t at all. I think my biggest trigger in the house is the chores that the two of us have to do in the house. I’m much more of a clean person than my boyfriend is. I’m also thinking that he has ADHD and struggles to remember when to do specific chores and I have to remind him pretty often, but he will usually do it when I ask. Today, I’m on a huge spiral of telling myself that he is never gonna be able to learn to do things on his own, he’s not gonna be able to take care of our kids in the future If we do get married, he’s not gonna be able to help take care of our house when we do have one one day, And I am just exhausted. It’s so hard fighting these thoughts all day and then I feel like I have to sit down and talk to him about chores and obviously that doesn’t go well when I’m not feeling good. Definitely a compulsion… It feels so much better when I can just relax and just let him figure things out on his own, and I can just take care of myself. I also come from a household where I was constantly criticized and controlled in certain ways, so I have that to carry too…I’ve gotten much better at doing that most of the time but today is pretty bad. It always feels a little bit worse as well when I’m on my period and feeling very hormonal as well… Can anyone please shed some light on if they’ve experienced this before and any support they might be able to offer in relation to this? Anything would be helpful and please be kind!

jessmair

Date posted: 22w

Engaged with ROCD- insight needed

Longish post but please stick with me. Hi everyone. I’m just looking for a bit of insight and if anyone else has felt this. It may sound strange and I’ve not had the courage to ask this for a while…. So I’ve been with my partner (27M) for almost 3 years now, I’m (24F). He recently proposed which I was not expecting so soon. We always joked about it and when he said he looked at rings I was happy. I knew it was coming at some point but not so soon. When it happened it’s immensely triggered my ROCD. And I’m struggling with something in particular, I just want to know if anyone else has experienced it/ what the root cause could be so that I can work on it……. When he proposed it’s like my brain put a time stamp on our relationship. All of a sudden I’m counting the days of my relationship/how long I’ve been in one. It’s like my brain is “keeping track” of the amount of days/weeks that I have a relationship. It’s like my brain wants to be in a relationship for a very long time IMMEDIATELY, which is of course not possible. It’s like my brain is saying “you have to break up with him because you haven’t been together a while yet”. It makes it feel like time is going so slowly. I see couples together for 6/7years prior to my age/time and just think “how did they do it”? Same with married couples. It’s like I think “they’re lucky I wish I was at that many years already”. But at the same time, the thought of being with someone for a long time makes me feel anxious and sick and like I have to “escape” or “get out” urgently. I’ve struggled with this particularly for a month now and am just wondering if anyone else has experienced the same or similar? Or can anyone offer insight into what this really could be deep down/root causes, as I REALLY want to figure out why and where it’s coming from. Sorry for the long post. Advice appreciated ❤️✨

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

Help with ROCD

Can anyone relate to this type of ROCD? It’s like i obsess of my partners past, I’ve spent probably 100 hours over the last 3 years asking him about girls he was with before me questioning him about every little detail and seeking reassurance. I don’t want to think about these girls at all. And I’ve been in ERP since August and was doing really good and not sure if it’s just getting bad again the last few days because of the holiday (Easter) and i had to go to his hometown where I know he had a past in and he recently brought a ring which I’m so excited about but it just seems like it’s getting harder for me and i don’t wanna be talking about girls he dated for a few months before me when we are about to get engaged. Am i ruining my future? What can I do to help and to not bring up stuff about the girls before me? How can I be in the moment and not relate everything to an irrelevant girl before me? Help

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Wedding planning ROCD, can anyone relate?

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