Panicking over age gaps.

I'm going to put this in its simplest form. Growing up I believed that a 3 year age gap was normal. I saw it for almost the entirety of my childhood, growing up with cousins, and friends, as well as relationships around me in school. I didn't see it as a target, but a boundary. When I was 18, I fancied someone 3 years younger, I had a private fantasy but stopped because I realised it was inappropriate. When I was 19 something similar happened, but because the girl was 16, the age of consent, it felt more normal. But then I was hit with immediate guilt. I've not pursued anybody underage. I've not interacted with anyone inappropriately underage. As a matter of fact, I'm now in my 20s yet I'm stuck on the guilt of my past actions. My dad said that it's normal teenage sexual curiosity, and just because you become by legal definition an adults you're still learning. He said what matters is who I am today. But I cannot let go of that guilt.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 5w

Comment deleted by user

GraciousStan...

Date posted: 5w

I think with me, it's different. Although I didn't interact with a minor, or do anything that could harm one. Looking back, I'm very regretful. The guilt I feel, knowing that people will call me a predator. It hurts.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 5w

Comment deleted by user

GraciousStan...

Date posted: 5w

I think my worry is that, I was 18/19, having fantasies and crushes over people who were younger, and looking back, I wouldn't consider anything like that now. But I can't undo it.

Nica

Date posted: 5w

I know OCD can be very hard to deal with, but this post is seeking reassurance, which only makes things worse. If you are not in ERP therapy with an OCD specialist, please look into getting professional help so you can get better. Here are some helpful tools and resources to help you through this: -What is OCD? Explained by Nathan Peterson: https://youtu.be/eeTFME9mOMc?feature=shared -The Psychology of Seeking Reassurance: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/reassurance-seeking-ocd-anxiety-how-to-stop-cycle -5 Things To Do Other Than Compulsions: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/five-things-to-do-instead-of-compulsions -Stopping Rumination’s Tough! Video by Nathan Peterson: https://youtu.be/CkcspsmLh9k?feature=shared -Somatic OCD & How To Treat It? https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-somatic-ocd -What is Rumination? https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/the-rumination-trap -Confessing compulsion vs. healthy sharing: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/ocd-compulsive-confession-vs-healthy-sharing -What’s Pure O OCD? https://www.verywellmind.com/pure-o-primarily-obsessional-ocd-4159144 -What is an OCD backdoor spike? https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/info/ocd-stats-and-science/backdoor-spikes-how-to-deal-with-sudden-ocd-episodes -Intrusive Thoughts: Images, Sensations, and Stories by Dr. Martin Seif: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-with-a-sticky-mind/202305/unwanted-intrusive-thoughts-images-sensations-and-stories -Therapy in a Nutshell’s Playlist on Panic Attacks: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLiUrrIiqidTWhubkHEJcr6iTLVRxXZmPE&feature=shared -OCD vs. GAD Differences: https://ocdla.com/ocd-vs-gad-7071 -How To Stop Rumination Video: https://youtu.be/CkcspsmLh9k?feature=shared -ERP scripting: https://www.shalanicely.com/aha-moments/erp-scripting-for-ocd/ -Forgiveness for Past Mistakes Video: https://youtu.be/2Lq1Su3mEHw?feature=shared -The Hidden Power of Swearing at Your OCD: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/beyond-the-doubt/201711/the-hidden-power-of-swearing-at-your-ocd -Taking The Power Away From OCD: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/taking-the-power-away-from-intrusive-thoughts -ERP Worry Script: https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/WorryScript.pdf -What is ERP therapy? https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment/erp/ -What’s An OCD Trigger? https://psychcentral.com/ocd/what-is-an-ocd-trigger -Grounding Techniques: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/grounding-techniques -OCD vs. Anxiety Disorders: https://www.talkspace.com/mental-health/conditions/articles/ocd-vs-anxiety/ -ERP Techniques for Reassurance video: https://youtu.be/D1O3RGnLjRM?feature=shared

isharemycigs

Date posted: 25w

What do I do

when I was 15 soon to turn 16, I met this girl in a IG group chat made by our mutual friends. We started talking and eventually we started flirting and talking sexual towards each other, though eventually we stopped talking because she was being really weird. A couple months later In July of 2024 my friend found out that she was actually 13 and that she lied to me about her age. It's been 10 months since l've found out and I still feel so disgusted in myself. I had my suspicions at the time but I let them go since she said she was 16 turning 17. I was completely oblivious trusting someone I only knew online especially since i've never seen their face either. i'm struggling on what to do since i've been suffering with POCD since I was 15. Till this day I still feel weird and disgusted in myself because of that. But it feels ironic since i'm sexualizing someone that's 2 years younger than me and I waited to confirm she was around my age range to sexualize her. I feel so weird and guilty about it idk what to do

genicrop09

Date posted: 24w

21+ only

TW: porn mentioned When I was younger around 18-19 or maybe younger, I stumbled across some porn labeled as 'teen'. I don't remember if I watched it or get scared away by 'teen', but I then searched for porn something like '18-teen years old', I wanted to make sure it was legal. Now I'm spiraling that I did it because I wanted to see someone younger. Or what my intentions could possibly be? It happened for once or I cannot remembered searching something similar ever again. I've always preferred bigger more masculine men, but why I did that then? I had active porn addiction since I was 9 or I'm afraid younger, watched some things that I regret watching... And now I'm 23 and don't watch it all for like 3 years, because I found out that it was unethical. When I was little I preferred BDSM porn and everyone was very mature and I did not watched anything questionable with real people, but some weird fictional stuff, but didn't like it. Now that I remember this I'm very confused and don't know how to continue living with that. I'm just done...

Givenup

Date posted: 9w

Harm OCD and my mistakes

18+ When I was in high school (16 or 17), I hung out with the popular kids of school... they send me this popular girl (who was in our school) explicit photo on snap because I was curious to see it... after I turned 19, I suddenly remembered my friends sent the photo and asked them to delete it off of the chat, as I didn't want to be in possession of any form of illegal material... Fast forward to later... my friend had broken up with his ex and wanted to send us explicit pics of her... curious at the time, I asked to see it and he sent the group (including me) some pictures... Now that Im 24, I remember him sending these pics and asked him to take down the pics in our snapchat convo... I didnt want any pics of their ex because this was harmful content... my friend, (the one who sent our friend group explicit vids and pics of his ex) told me that there was a one month period between him and her when they were in a relationship where he was 18 and she was 17 )... they were together for 1-2 years... and they were explicit throughout their whole relationship ... including the one month period... so i was getting extremely anxious and triggered about him sending me potentially illegal stuff... I asked him several times over the course of three days after he casually admitted he had a 1 month age period with her, (he was 18 and she was 17 during that one month) if she was over 18 when he made those videos, and he kept giving me answers like "Yes" And "It was a month after she turned 18..." He even got frustrated on the second day of me asking and said "Dude, this is the 10th time you've asked me and yes she was." On the third day I asked him, he said "yeah" when i said his previous comments of "a month after she turned 18, right?" back to him, and he even added that "we started getting more explicitly active around this time." He also told me "Even if she was under the age of 18, you wouldn't be in trouble because you were sent it." Yesterday, I called him again and apologized for asking so much... to which he responded... "I was hoping you'd realize this has been excessive..." But then I asked him if she really was 18 in those videos or not... he got frustrated and said... "Dude, you cant keep apologizing over and over, before asking me again..." Still, I asked him to confirm it for me one last time, to which he replied... "She was 18 in those videos..." I keep getting anxious because I dont know if he's lying or not and its triggering me really bad, not to mention feeling guilty about the harm I had caused... I genuinely feel so guilty and awful about this... I hurt people... and I cant sleep at night knowing I did... People say you make mistakes when you were a teen... these were some of my mistakes... I genuinely feel horrible and I cant sleep at night knowing the guilt of my actions are still there... I genuinely feel awful... I hope people dont hate me after reading this... i hope you dont block me... you've all been so genuinely kind and encouraging to me... and I dont want to lose someone who cares about me on here...

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Panicking over age gaps.

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