Upset and scared

@binniee I told this therapist once and she said it was inappropriate 😞 I just hope I never did anything because I can’t remember and I have memory loss

@Idontknow your therapist misunderstood you or is very dumb. the fact that you don't want it this badly shows your character, and also we do act accordingly to our character: it's safe to say that nothing happened. If harm was done your brother would remember, he wouldn't simply "forget" so if he says no harm done then simply no harm done, trust your brother, and trust your character.

@ivefailed. I hope I didn’t do anything because that hit me so hard the guilt omg

@ivefailed. You think he would remember? I asked he said no I didn’t do anything and that why am I worried about the past

@Idontknow he has no reason to lie to you. the only way through uncertainty is trust

@ivefailed. True, but I couldn’t stop thinking about that :(

@Idontknow the courage is to start trusting without being ready

@ivefailed. Yeah, I understand. I should trust, but I can’t stop thinking about that. I’m probably a criminal on the loose you know

@Idontknow ...probably not 😅

@Idontknow i know it doesnt seem likely rn, but with time you'll realise how much of non sensical bs all of this is. it's quite literally happening all in your head. ocd is trying to fit every scenario into its twisted narrative

@ivefailed. Why the dots? You think so omg

@ivefailed. I don’t know I don’t believe him because what if he forgot what if it didn’t bother him

@Idontknow your ocd is rampaging rn, the dots were of disbelief from the absurdity of you believing that you're a criminal on the loose hahah

@ivefailed. but I don’t remember anything how can I know I’m worried I might actually did it 😖 he was 7-8 I think how would he remember he’s smart but what if he forgot

@Idontknow you know because you're a good person. it's out of character the thing you're afraid of, and conveniently the narrative that ocd is pushing for

@Idontknow the greatest weapon OCD has over you is uncertainty. you have to embrace it to defeat OCD's purpose

@ivefailed. I just can’t stop thinking about it and about one time when I thought my brother was on top of me doing something inappropriate till this day I still believe it and when I get that reminder I get upset

@Idontknow our brain are wired to be alert of danger, and in the case of ocd that part of our brain is scaled to the max. it's not simply something we can turn off, it's not your fault. at the end of the day it's just a thought, and moreover a thought out of fear, by scanning potential danger. you can let this one go and the other one too.

@ivefailed. How do I know it’s just a thought 😞

@Idontknow because it simply is. a thought is just a thought, a feeling is not a fact. what matters is intent. your worry and you not wanting it speaks more than a thousand thoughts like those.

@ivefailed. He has a shirt that lights up

@ivefailed. Like in the dark it lights up