soocd question

@Masc4lesb so I’ve been struggling with soocd for a few months now. I went on accutane in February and after a month of being on it I started having intrusive thoughts and ocd symptoms. I’ve always had ocd tendencies since I was a kid, but before I went on accutane it was a lot easier to deal with. I’m not sure if accutane actually caused it or if it was just coincidental. My first major ocd episode in March was actually almost the opposite of soocd. I grew up religious, and it took me a little while to feel okay about being a lesbian. My parents were very homophobic when I first came out, and I struggled with the religious guilt aspect of things. This March, I got into an argument with my dad where he said some hurtful things. After that, for a few weeks I was searching up religion-related things constantly, doing compulsions, and having intrusive thoughts about hell and that being gay was wrong. I couldn’t sleep, had trouble eating, etc. it basically felt like all of my internalized homophobia from when I was younger but like 10 times worse. A few weeks later it switched from that to a fear of being bi and having to date/be intimate with a man. I’m still not entirely sure what caused the switch. sorry that was so long! I’m open to talk more about it or answer any questions

@Lunacat13 I do know that when I was looking up all of the religious stuff I got on a side of TikTok where a few people were claiming that they “used to be gay” and that God had changed them. I remember worrying that it would happen to me, because I don’t want to be with a man. so maybe that kickstarted it? Also i apologize if anything I said was triggering! I’ve literally been triggered by reading my own past posts before.. soocd sucks

@Lunacat13 oh that sucks so bad but i really hope you know the thoughts you have are completely normal within ocd, i stopped praying and etc bc i thought god would take away my gayness and i would end up with a man. all those thoughts happened to me afterwards i got triggered by seeing this masc lesbian turned straight and all my friends joked around thats me next, so after that day ive been messed up and then i had a male friend who triggered me by being near me and stuff.

@Masc4lesb mine had gotten a little better a couple weeks ago but now it’s back again :( I feel you with the male friend stuff too. I’m supposed to go hiking w a friend soon and bc we’re driving tg my brain keeps telling me it’s a date. I’ve had guy friends before and it used to be no problem but now there’s so many triggering things. are you doing therapy at all?