i feel bad

i feel bad because i used to watch these people on pornhub who made videos that appeal to people with teen fetishized things and stuff like that. but i wouldn’t watch that role play stuff or any of that, like certain videos i would avoid because of that. but i liked the videos in general, i just didn’t watch any of that stuff or i would ignore it until it got something i did like. but i stopped watching them all together because it got too weird and i realized that i shouldn’t support them at all, even if i wasn’t watching that stuff. but now i feel bad for watching around that stuff, i liked the videos it was basic porn past that stuff and that’s what i would watch.

LegoLover98

Date posted: 21d

I get it, I was in a very similar boat but mostly regarding hentai (which is Japanese anime porn for those unaware). The really explicit/clear cut examples of l0li and underage looking stuff I avoided because it disturbed me and went against my morals, but the more gray area stuff I was more indifferent about and even experimented with but eventually even that I felt was too borderline for my comfort and avoided that content too. But I felt guilty for continuing to look at these sites because even though I wasn't going there to look at THAT stuff, I still knew it was there and I questioned if that meant I was secretly okay with it because I kept looking on those sites even though it was for other stuff not related to the things I disliked. I also feel like catching glimpses of that stuff may have traumatized me somewhat as I struggled getting the images of what I saw out of my head and that made me begin to doubt myself because why did I even have these thoughts in the first place of I am morally against them? Obviously now I understand that they're unwanted intrusive thoughts and that the more you try to fight them and make them go away the more they stay around and the more intense they get.

goggles🧝🏾‍♀️

Date posted: 21d

@LegoLover98 yes exactly, i wasn’t looking at the fetish stuff. i knew they was what the used as content but i didn’t watch any of that stuff, i watched around it or just skipped it. and by watching around it i mean if there was something like a little off i would only focus on the sex not the thing.

LegoLover98

Date posted: 21d

@goggles🧝🏾‍♀️ Right?! I remember one hentai Manga I found online a while back that had a kink in it that I do enjoy but as I read I noticed that it contained something in that borderline area that I wasn't too comfortable with but I tried ignoring that aspect to focus on the sex and the other kinks involved I liked and what I was there for. But afterwards I just felt wrong in my conscience and decided not to go back to that specific content again. At the time I brushed it off because I didn't develop the theme quite yet. But let me tell you, when I did, boy did my brain dig that sucker back up from the depths of my memory to assault my sense of morality and sense of self in general lol. I can laugh at it a bit now that I'm more educated on what's likely going on. I say "likely" because I'm not officially diagnosed with OCD but I have pretty much self-diagnosed because more and more I see how others in the OCD community be brave and talk about their experience with similar situations and I'm able to relate the majority of the time, so it gives me reasonable confidence that this is what I have as well. But an official diagnosis wouldn't hurt either so I think I may work on getting one in the near future. At the very least I'm almost certain I have an anxiety disorder with some comorbidities with OCD if not the full disorder itself, there's just too much in common for it to be coincidence (even if my brain makes me doubt that sometimes, which ironically is a sign that I probably have it lol).

genicrop09

Date posted: 24w

21+ only

TW: porn mentioned When I was younger around 18-19 or maybe younger, I stumbled across some porn labeled as 'teen'. I don't remember if I watched it or get scared away by 'teen', but I then searched for porn something like '18-teen years old', I wanted to make sure it was legal. Now I'm spiraling that I did it because I wanted to see someone younger. Or what my intentions could possibly be? It happened for once or I cannot remembered searching something similar ever again. I've always preferred bigger more masculine men, but why I did that then? I had active porn addiction since I was 9 or I'm afraid younger, watched some things that I regret watching... And now I'm 23 and don't watch it all for like 3 years, because I found out that it was unethical. When I was little I preferred BDSM porn and everyone was very mature and I did not watched anything questionable with real people, but some weird fictional stuff, but didn't like it. Now that I remember this I'm very confused and don't know how to continue living with that. I'm just done...

isabellamper...

Date posted: 24w

Ruminating about past porn usage

When I was single, I watched a lot of porn, specifically lesbian porn even though I’m straight. When I got into my current relationship I dwindled down and eventually stopped watching porn of any kind, around six or so months ago. I had a flare up recently that has caused me to question every part of myself including my sexuality and my identity, my relationship, and other things that are important and valued to me, and porn keeps popping up in all of these things. I feel like my porn usage was me cheating on my boyfriend, especially in the early parts of our relationship. I broke down to him last month about it and he said it was okay, that he forgives me, but I’m still hung up on it because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve wronged him and that I’m a terrible person and that I need to leave him because of this. This is so excruciatingly painful. I don’t want to keep confessing over and over and over again, but I don’t want to be a dirty lying cheater, which I feel like I am.

Zeph113

Date posted: 10w

I need someone to talk to

I’m 19 I hadn’t had pocd or false memory ocd during this time when I watched porn btw so I trusted my memory back then. I switched back to those themes and now my ocd is telling me I watched immoral porn. I remember being grossed out by titles that had ‘teen’ in it, even wrote down in notes how I’d only watch porn between adults and get off to that. I looked back at my Reddit history/ porn history when I was watching it during that time and it says I clicked on the titles with teen twice, the first time I remember being disgusted and switching to a different subreddit, and the second time covering the screen, now my head is trying to tell me I purposely clicked on those. But I also remember being happy around that time that I don’t associate with gross porn, and that I scrolled past it. Should I confess? I’m so confused, I heard Reddit doesn’t allow that sort of stuff, plus I remember talking to people about how gross that stuff is. Plus I would’ve felt guilty if I actually watched it because I sometimes accidentally click on things with my crappy iPad. Plus I know I’m only attracted to adults because all my crushes are older men and old women, I genuinely can’t bring myself to find anyone under 18 attractive.

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