Relationship

Hey guys I need your opinion. Yesterday I went to the hospital because I was having a lot of pain in lower stomach/back. My fiancé was at work and I had asked him to come, because I didn’t want to be alone at the hospital. He said he didn’t want to leave work ( didn’t ask his boss if he could go) and he didn’t think it was “appropriate” to leave since it wasn’t an emergency. Later on, they couldn’t find anything on my CT scan or blood work. So they eventually discharged me. I was hurt because he wasn’t there when I needed him because I felt like he was more worried about work. He even said himself he didn’t think it was appropriate to leave work because it wasn’t an emergency. He doesn’t understand why I’m upset, I told him I needed the support of him being there because I didn’t know what was wrong with me and needed support. Please let me know if I’m in the wrong? In the past he had a few hospital trips and I was always there for him. Left work a few times just to be there and support him :/

[Deleted]

Date posted: 8w

Comment deleted by user

Book lover❤️

Date posted: 8w

@Enthusiast Thank you. I just didn’t know how to feel because I’m the type to support my loved ones if they need me at the moment ya know? Thank you very much.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 8w

I want to start by saying this kind of feels like reassurance seeking, but as someone with ROCD I totally get it. Sometimes hearing a third-party perspective really helps. I do feel for you because being in pain and not knowing what’s going on is scary, and it makes sense that you wanted your fiancé’s support. At the same time, I think it’s important to remember that what feels “appropriate” or urgent can look different to each person in the moment. (Especially urgency when OCD is present in the mind) It sounds like he didn’t mean to dismiss your feelings, but was trying to handle things responsibly at work. Maybe his boss isn’t as forgiving or understanding under certain circumstances and thats where his hesitation to ask came from. I’ve definitely had moments where my expectations were shaped by what I would’ve done for someone else, and it can feel unfair when that isn’t matched, but that doesn’t automatically mean the other person failed us. It might just be one of those situations where both people’s feelings are valid, but the expectations didn’t align.

Book lover❤️

Date posted: 8w

@Anonymous Yes, my expectation of him was to come to the hospital and just be a support because I don’t like hospitals. I just needed him and he wasn’t there. Our expectations didn’t align on this situation. Just the situation sucks and I had myself convinced he didn’t care about me because if it was the other way around I would have been there for him. :/

NatSwai

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 8w

I had a similar situation happen with my husband and this was just an opportunity for us to set a boundary with each other non-judgmentally. Now moving forward we are both in agreement that if someone goes to the hospital the other drops what they’re doing to meet them (obvs within reason)

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