Religious OCD

@noone9 What helped you during those times? Recently I feel like I’ve been experiencing even more blasphemous intrusive thoughts. Even feelings too! Just not good feelings, feeling enough, doubtful. I did pray and felt a lot better but I know those thoughts & feeling do come back which I feel like is a cycle. Sometimes I just feel so stuck that idk what to do or how to move forward. I try to calm myself down or not get worked up over the thoughts/feelings but it’s hard.

@noone9 Thank you so much I’ll start doing that more. Yes tbh this all started happening after giving my life to Jesus! I felt like everything changed so much. But months after I started getting a lot of thoughts of doubt which came out of nowhere. Then the blasphemous thoughts theme and stuck with me because they bother me so much! Sometimes it feels like it’s a 24 hour thing I’m dealing with. I feel like I use to “fight” more but definitely over time it has made me not pray as much, read the bible and other things. Like I’ve avoided certain things because I get triggered. It makes me feel like an imposter or I’ve back slided. Or how could I even be a Christian or filled with the Holy Spirit because of these thoughts :( I just can’t stand these awful thoughts towards God, Jesus, and the Holy spirit. It makes me feel like they’re mad or they left me and it scares me so much. Sometimes I feel so stuck that idk what to do. I’ll pray and feel okay but then maybe a couple hours later the thoughts are ramping up again. It makes me feel like I’m thinking them on purpose 😭 which breaks my heart. It feels like a tick in my brain or something. Sometimes I get so numb that I feel nothing towards the thoughts because I’m just so mentally exhausted. I love them! I just sucks when my mind starts doubting literally everything that I know is true! It’s just the feelings are so strong :(

@Cammy123 I can certainly feel your heart and connect with this so much. It is confusing when we go through this, like a spin cycle and we can't see which direction is up anymore. It's like the thought pops in ours minds, and we react, which causes more thoughts, more reactions, more anxiety, doubt and fear. And it's always attached with what we hold close, what matters most to us, which exaggerates the reactions, cycle continues... Have you ever spoken with an OCD therapist? I'll be glad to share things I've learned through my journey as well.

@noone9 Thank you. That’s exactly how I’ve been feelings. It’s been hard. Feels like I’m stuck. I have no spoken to an OCD therapist. Tbh I’ve just been doing a lot of researching. Well I did. I had other themes like health OCD which I didn’t realize at the time was OCD. I’ve always had those tendencies as a kid. Even my mom noticed. But it wasn’t until talking my walk with God & Jesus seriously that this started happening. Like the theme switched up. It has happened multiple times. It’s just so hard when your mind doubts literally everything… and everything in you is screaming I know the truth!! I know these thoughts aren’t me nor are the truth but those feelings that come with the thoughts make it so hard! I’d love to hear things you’ve learned through your journey! What helped you too.

@Cammy123 It absolutely common for us to have different themes, sometimes multiple at a time, sometimes one at a time that alternate. I've heard an expert say, OCD is OCD, it just latches on in different ways. I've found everyone I've spoken to here and elsewhere who struggles with OCD has a deep and dynamic inner thought life. It's actually a gift, I've found. :-) Ok, first things first... What you're experiencing does not mean prayer doesn't work, or God and Jesus are mad at you, or you must not be a believer, etc.. Any more so than if you broke your leg, and just prayed for it to heal, and it doesn't heal, would mean those things. The answer to prayer to heal a broken leg is to get to a doctor who can fix it... There's a process of thinking you can learn that will eventually become a new normal in time. How you're currently reacting is how you've been thinking your whole life. Pathways form in our brain, and cool thing is, can be re formed. So there is hope.

@Cammy123 My name is Mike, btw... 🙂

@noone9 Thank you! I get horrible blasphemous intrusive thoughts. That’s currently my theme and has been that for about 2 years :( it makes me feel like how could I possibly be a Christian or love them. Or even with those doubtful thoughts. It’s like I know thee truth but those thoughts and feelings come so hard and enough and it blocks any sorta common sense or truth I know. Honestly I feel like I could catch my thinking habits and replace it with truth. That helped me a lot. Reminding myself that God & Jesus love me no matter what and how they love me now but over time I guess I’ve been fighting more and more to where it’s like I feel like I constantly need to fight. Thank you btw for taking the time to give advice & help. It’s nice to meet you Mike! I’m cammy 😊 (Edited) idk if I replied or not!

You're welcome, cammy. Nice to meet you. I pray often for someone to maybe help on here, and encourage. So I'm blessed by being able to talk about this. Thank you. :-) A couple things you can try, maybe it'll help as it did me: 1. Write out one of your repeated troubling thoughts, of course as you can keep it private. This will help get it out of your head. When you see it in front of you, instead of in your mind, it'll help you to separate from it. Read it occasionally, notice any feelings of anxiety it may cause, but don't react to it. This is what an exposure is kinda like in therapy. It'll take practice to be able to read the thought and not react, but that's the process. 2. When you pray, pray out loud. Again, in private of course. This way you'll be speaking to God, and not the false god of your intrusive thoughts. When I pray in my head, it turns in to a mess, lol. Read the Psalms and pray through them.

@noone9 Thank you so much! It’s means a lot :) I try to journal and that does help sometimes. I definitely get what you mean. The best way to describe it is that it feels “wrong” to even have such a thought in my head. Therefore I want to “eliminate” (aka get rid of the thoughts) then it makes me have it 10x more. Praying out loud does help! I know what you mean by in your head… that’s tough for sure. Sometimes I get scared praying out loud. I get can I’ll accidentally say a blasphemous thought :( which I do not want to say!!! Ever!! I fear it so much. I know it’s okay but it’s hard sometimes. But I’ll definitely help praying out loud to get my out of my head. It does help a lot. Also makes me not avoid praying and stuff. I feel like OCD has made me avoid certain things I use to do. Tbh it makes me doubt I even have OCD. I know it’s called the “doubting disorder” but dang :(

@Cammy123 I figured it out! Here's one page of the affirmations. Hope it shows clearly.

@Cammy123 That's exactly what OCD does... It causes us to react to the thoughts and fight them because "this can't possibly be..." The reaction is a compulsion, something we do to solve, fix, research, something... I tried everything to get the thoughts out of my head. It got so bad I would literally be awake between 12-4 am on the floor with my head in my hands fighting with the thoughts. That's when I knew I needed help and spoke with an OCD therapist. I was diagnosed then, in the summer of 2023. I find even praying out loud no louder than a whisper is helpful. Just to know I'm talking to my friend Jesus, who's there with me, and not wrapped up on my mind helps me so much. I'm glad you experience it too. :-) It took approximately 3 months after starting ERP therapy until I began to experience results. All that time I could not pray, could not read the Bible, even singing worship songs became dark and just going through the motions. A Bible verse here and a prayer there was not what I needed, in that way, but I needed the medical care of the therapy. I remember clearly the evening I had the breakthrough at that 3 month period. I describe it as feeling sober again, like my feet touched the ground again. Then I eventually noticed the quality prayer and Bible reading coming back. (Not that I can't be better with that now. Lol) And worship....I love worship songs. I have a song in my heart all the time again! I have a screenshot of the list of affirmations I mentioned to you earlier. I took a pic of the page out of a book I was reading. I want to share them with you, but can't seem to figure out how to upload the screenshot, so I'll work on typing them out. Lol. I'm praying for you Cammy. And I'm here for you

@noone9 Thank you so much! I’ll definitely start those affirmations! It’s just sometimes hard when I’m plagued first thing in the morning. :( Yess that happens a lot! It makes me question myself. Like I’ve never questioned myself before like this. It’s like my brain is against me! Every time I fight back it throws 30 more thoughts my way… even worse…. I know what you mean. I just feel like I “have” to fix them. Prove it’s not me nor my thoughts. The best way to describe it is like a tick in my mind. Like Tourette’s. That might sound weird but that’s the best way I can describe it to anyone :( it’s sudden and fast and it always makes me think I’m gonna say them out loud which I don’t want!! That sounds like me. I would cry and beg God & Jesus to stop these awful blasphemous thoughts. Especially the ones that’s target them :( Thank you so much for the screenshot and and taking the time to pray and message me back. I’m trying but sometimes my mind says “I’m not” or that I’ll be stuck like this :( I just feel like I haven’t had a “sober” moment in a while.

@Cammy123 Yeah, I had a bout with real event OCD last night and didn't sleep well. Actually used another tool I learned, delay. Respond to the thoughts and ruminating with "ok, I'll think about all this stuff at 9am" for example. Helps me to settle and by 9am, it's not even on my mind. The challenge is, the way through this stuff is to do nothing. Which is so not natural for us, that's why it's so difficult to break and so easy to get stuck. But keep in mind, God's written word is truth and so are all the promises in it. I can definitely understand relating it to tourettes... I remember believing I would actually twitch externally as the internal battle goes on. It does take some work to get through it, but it's worth it. I know there's hope for you, you won't suffer like this forever. Thank you for writing me and sharing your struggles. :-) It actually helps me when I can talk with someone like this. I'm not completely healed or perfect with OCD challenges in any way, but if I can give someone a helping hand along the way, I'm glad to. Is there one type of thought or specific thought that keeps coming up, that you'd be willing to share with me? Maybe it'll be helpful to get it out? It's ok if not. :-) I do hope you do try writing ilthem out and working on it that way. We can get through this! You can.