Spiraling about NPD again

This theme just keeps coming back again and again. I just feel like my evidence is TOO good yknow? I remember all the ways I sought attention, how my self esteem has always been terrible, how I never fit in to friend groups, how I coped by imagining I was special in some way, how I'm so judgemental. I love to yap about my interests, and am finding it increasingly hard to listen to others. I feel like I always have to put on a mask around others, it's like my brain shuts off and I go into "blank person" mode. I feel like nothing ever makes me happy, I always find a problem. I feel very empty inside. My mother is very smothering, and still wants to do everything for me. And you know the worst part? It's hard for me to say no! It is really convenient. However, I fight her a lot about this, I tell her I'm an adult with 2 legs, but she insists. This fills me with constant guilt and shame. My Dad seems to be a classic narc. And while I vowed to never use the tactics he does like guilt tripping, lying, ruining every big event, threats, etc, I do find in myself similarities that I worry about constantly (such as temper, impatience, lecturing, etc). Okay. So with all this said, here's why I might NOT be one: I feel guilt and remorse, like, all the time. When I upset someone, even if I initially thought I was justified, I pretty much always apologize after reflection and cool down. Another thing is, I DO have affective and cognitive empathy. However, I've been finding it harder to access it as of late, I often feel numb, maybe from checking my feelings all the time? I often put on a show of compassion that I dont feel in the moment, because I care about the other person. Also, I often catch myself judging someone and try to correct the thought. I'm hyperaware of all of my faults and failings, and I've prayed to God over and over again to make me humble. Finally, numerous therapists, as well as people close to me, have all told me I don’t have it. They often say people who have NPD don't think their behavior is a problem. But how true is that, especially with vulnerable narcissists?