not knowing wether it’s pocd or not.

@wa11flower it feels calming knowing i’m not alone and someone else agrees. what’s more difficult is that the healthcare system is sooo corrupt. i’ve made 2 appointments to see if i can get a diagnosis and they’ve cancelled on me. my doctor was terrible and made my symptoms worse. and everytime you talk to a doctor or nurse about what ur feeling they just give you links to websites instead of an actual professional in person. it feels like im trying to claw my way out of a metal box covered in concrete😭😭 i just want some helpppppp.

@wa11flower i hope it gets better for you, i truly do. this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me and i would genuinely not wish this on anybody. it’s destroying my life. i cannot see a future anymore.

@marthaokai oh wow that seems extremely disheartening, im very sorry you’ve had to deal with that!! hopefully you can get some professional help soon! have you tried finding help through nocd? i met my current therapist through here and she’s very understanding, so there’s definitely people out there who are willing to help people with our struggles!

@wa11flower i’m not really looking for therapy i’m looking for a diagnosis first and then therapy alongside it. getting an ocd diagnosis would help me first because then i know it’s ocd if that makes sense. not being diagnosed with anything just feeds into this idea that im a real P so therefore i just think therapy right now with no diagnosis just wouldn’t work on me😭 i definitely will try eventually though.

@marthaokai that’s totally fair, but i would suggest trying it out regardless! i know it seems rather counterintuitive but it’s actually helped me be confident in believing that i do in fact have ocd! these therapists might not be able to give you an official diagnosis, BUT they do work directly with people who do have these conditions so they know exactly what to look for! i’ve vented to my therapist about being unsure of pocd and how i can’t believe anything i feel because i can’t tell what’s reals and she’s told me that’s exactly what someone with ocd would do! the diagnosis process can take a while, so you might find it beneficial to give therapy a shot regardless! this is just my opinion though, you should of course do what’s best for you!! best of luck <3

@wa11flower thank you so much for saying this. i guess it doesn’t hurt giving it a try, thank you

@Just trying to survive thank you for the reply

@Just trying to survive but that’s what i can’t do. i cannot accept uncertainty because to me uncertainty = a chance i’m a P which is the whole entire problem in the first place. i just don’t know what to do. it’s not normal for people to worry and question if they’re a P they just know that they’re not. so why is it different for me??? that must mean something. and this is what goes on in my head everyday. it’s exhausting. i don’t know what to do i am so so lost. i don’t feel like myself at all.

@marthaokai I know it’s hard to believe but normal people do have these thoughts. They just let them go and don’t worry about them. I can worry all day long that I’m going to turn into a goat but that doesn’t speak to the reality of whether it’s going to happen. Worrying about something does not increase the likelihood of it being true.

@Just trying to survive but you know you won’t turn into a goat and there’s no possibility because it’s not physically possible. where as it is entirely possible that anyone can be a P. even if they hate it, think it’s wrong and don’t want it. that’s the problem. what if all these negative things i’m going through just aren’t enough????

@marthaokai Ok let’s say I’m deeply afraid a plane will crash into my house and kill me. That’s not impossible it’s just unlikely, and once again worrying about it does not increase the likelihood that it’s going to happen. Anyone could become a p that’s true, but also anyone could become a wildly famous celebrity. But in both cases the chances are not super high. I can think and think all day that I’m going to become famous but if I don’t do anything to make that happen the chance is basically zero. The same thing is true of being a p. If you just think about it but don’t do anything then what does that matter?

@Just trying to survive because it’s wrong even if you don’t act on it. being a P is wrong even if you don’t act on anything and don’t commit a crime. some people claim the attraction alone = technically not doing anything wrong but wether it’s okay or not i just don’t want it. i want to be normal. i want to be the person i was before i had these thoughts. i just want to be normal that’s all i want. when you’ve struggled with your mental health forever and you think life has actually started to get better and then you’re hit with this it feels like the world is toying with you. like it wants to see you have hope and then crush it again and again. to me being a P is one of the worst things that can happen to me. like i can’t think of anything worse to be honest. that’s why im struggling so bad, because i feel like im at the worst possible stage of my entire life and that im the worst person ive ever been in my entire life.