Relationship OCD

I feel like I don't see much about the type of OCD I'm experiencing, so maybe others can relate? I got engaged in April and have the most incredible fiancé. He is kind, understanding, and tells me constantly that he would never leave me in a million years. But losing him, my best friend and the love of my life, is my absolute worst fear in this world. I would never be the same. I'm an independent person, so I don't want this to sound like I depend on this relationship in an unhealthy way, but he isn't just my partner, he is literally my best friend. I mean seriously, we have so much fun together, we love each other so much, and he is just the biggest blessing. I have this fear that I'm going to do something or think something that would essentially be the thing that he leaves me for. So now, I'm constantly in this state of worry, feeling like I need to confess these thoughts to him. They may be intrusive, or have some logic to them but are essentially not a big deal and not worth saying. But anything that could be perceived as negative, I have to tell him. Like for example, I thought of something as a flaw on him, and I immediately spiraled and had to tell him just to make sure he wouldn't leave me for that. I essentially feel like if I don't say anything, I'm lying to him, and that I'm keeping something from him. I constantly tell myself, "he loves you so much, he would never leave you." but then I'm like, "Yeah, but what if this is the last straw? If he knew, would his feelings change?" I'm back in therapy for my OCD now, because this has really been affecting me, and it's just terrible. I feel like I don't deserve the happy moments I have with him, or at all. Like, I don't deserve to be present in the moment.

a.lea

Date posted: Yesterday

this sucks so much, i can really relate. i often have negative thoughts like i don't deserve my partner or don't deserve the unconditional love and support he gives me. in the beginning i was resistant to even dating him at all because of these feelings and worrying that id be a burden (which i still often feel like). but he was and still is so patient and understanding, and sometimes i feel really bad that he has to put up with all my issues. the guilt is just so heavy 💔

TBopp

Date posted: Yesterday

I used to think that my person had to know every little thought and feeling I had until very recently. You are not lying to him if he doesn’t know everything about you all the time- it’s exhausting for both you and him. I think we are still letting our inner child govern our adulthood and I am so happy you are in therapy for it! You can do this ❤️

L795

Date posted: Yesterday

This is the type of OCD that I have. I would advise finding a CBT therapist who specialises in Pure O/ROCD. I’m sorry you’re going through that this- it’s exhausting!

ERG20032

Date posted: Yesterday

Yes, that's what I'm currently doing. I've only had one session so far related to this specific spiral, so I'm looking forward to working on this more. Do you have any tips that you've gained through your therapy, since you have the same type of OCD?

cat2000

Date posted: Yesterday

I’m feeling the same. A lot of my intrusive thoughts are real event/shameful or embarassing memories. I feel a need to tell my bf everything otherwise I am hiding my true self from him. But after I then obsess that he thinks in mentally unstable for these thoughts or that I’m too much to deal with and he can’t handle my ocd. It’s becoming a cycle :/ I feel like the constant reassurance seeking and emotion is what would actually drive us apart

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