Fear of bipolar/mental illnesses/going crazy

Has anyone else ever feared being bipolar? My postpartum was smooth until I hit 4 months pp and then it quickly went left. I woke up one morning and had a panic attack which changed everything. I started thinking I had cancer, my heart was going to stop at any second, had a DVT, literally every physical illness. I was constantly googling my symptoms, etc. I was fine for a month and then I feared going crazy and losing my mind. I believe I had DP/DR which didn’t help. I couldn’t eat, lost so much weight and etc. I’m now 16 months pp and I fear that it all stemmed from being bipolar? Not sure why I think this but maybe because when I’m really anxious I get irritated and then I’m ok when I’m distracted. When I’m not tired or can’t sleep I fear it’s mania, when I’m happy I fear it’s mania, when I’m not anxious I fear it’s mania, etc. everyday I’m anxious about sleeping and if ill be able to sleep and if not then it could mean mania, etc. has anyone else had this experience?

JM93

Date posted: 5w

Hi friend. I could have written this myself. I am 8 months postpartum. And right from the start I have dealt with harm OCD, health OCD about postpartum preeclampsia, a blood etc, a fear of going crazy and also a fear that I am bipolar. When I have a good day, I also fear that is mania. No matter how many times everyone around me tells me I am most definitely not bipolar and just deal with anxiety, depression and OCD I can’t shake the fear. I am constantly checking every emotion that I have. I know how exhausting it can be. Have you started therapy at all? Therapy and my faith have been the cornerstones that have helped me immensely. Praying for you. So sorry you also deal with this 💙

bebe.g32

Date posted: 5w

@JM93 It’s so good to know I’m not the only one! I’m not in therapy and it took me months to start a super low dose of sertraline because I was afraid it would induce mania lmao but I do deal with it better than in the beginning! Praying for you also mama ❤️

JM93

Date posted: 5w

@bebe.g32 I am on Prozac and have had the exact same thoughts!! I have even gone through and tried to find “evidence” of mania! OCD really is all consuming. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this as well. I am rooting and praying for you! If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here 😊💙

ginabranny

Date posted: 17h

@JM93 @jm93 @bebe.g32 Hi ladies! I know this post is from a while ago but I feel like we have such similar stories and just wanted to share more support! I’m 8 months PP and had PP preeclampsia and had terrible health anxiety about a DVT, heart failure, hemorrhage, etc. I even went to a cardiologist bc I was that nervous and anxious over everything. I also have harm OCD and fear of going crazy! I kept thinking that I was going into psychosis and would look for “evidence” that I was losing my mind. My favorite thing I was told is that “if you’re scared of losing your mind chances are you’re not” Thinking of both of you and hope you’re doing well! Here if you need anything!!!!! 💖

bebe.g32

Date posted: 14h

@ginabranny Awh thank you so much for the reply! It’s the worst thing ever. Mine all started with fears of developing a physical illness which I some days still have especially heart related to developing a mental illness which I question pretty often if it’s bipolar, etc. it’s been really tough but gotten better and a little easier to manage!

ginabranny

Date posted: 13h

@bebe.g32 Totally feel you!! It gets better with time but it’s still there 🥹 keeping you in my thoughts mama!!

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