Scared to be a mom in the future

Has anyone gone through this? Sometimes my intrusive thoughts are horrific and cause me to lose sleep. I push them out or try my hardest not to let them ruin my day, but it’s caused an intense fear of having children. I’m a bit sad too because I’m recently engaged and my fiancé wants children eventually. I have always loved and wanted kids, but what if I get an intrusive thoughts near them? How can I live the rest of my life with this? What if I don’t feel connected to my kids? What if the fear drives me away from them? I hate the idea of that. Should I just not be a mom? This causes great distress for me.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 9d

It’s important to remember we don’t want to make decisions based on fears, but values.

Mandi444

Date posted: 9d

Yes as Stephany said your fears shouldn’t shape your values. If you dreamed about having kids why would you let this disorder take that miracle from you. Personally I have had pocd when I was working with kids and trust me when I tell you it’s extremely disturbing and I have definitely felt immense shame, shit I quite literally quit my job. But a year later I am here to tell you I work with kids everyday making a difference as a behavioral technician for kids with autism. If I let the ocd “win” I wouldn’t be able to have the joy of truly making a difference in kids lives and seeing them improve. And I’m so grateful that I didn’t. When problems occur with ocd in our lives we take care of it. Try your best to not let this disorder take your dreams from you.

Booknerd7

Date posted: 9d

@Mandi444 Thank you so much for sharing, this was a great encouragement. I struggle with the heavy doubt that maybe I’m just a terrible person, maybe I should just not have children. I try my best not to give in to fear. I need to keep fighting.

NatSwai

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9d

I’m currently going through this period in my life as well. Married for a year. Always wanted to have kids. Now getting to a point where out of fear it seems incredibly dangerous and not worth the risk

⋆⁺₊⋆anomaly⋆⁺₊⋆

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9d

@NatSwai I’m right there with this.

Booknerd7

Date posted: 9d

@NatSwai I’m sorry to hear that. Let’s get through this 😢

🍒Kk123🍒

Date posted: 9d

I’m going through extreme OCD flare as a mom, I wish I would’ve dealt with my OCD pre kids because now to start medication and like etc etc it is HARDER, I do have tools from NOCD that has helped a lot but I just encourage you to do the therapy and get the tools and start the meds so when they do happen you are not like paralyzed by fear. When I was 6/7 I had extreme flare up of OCD but then it was rather quiet for 21 years until I turned 29 and became extremely loud again (which is what I’m still dealing with now), and it is towards my kids and it is really really debilitating I am not going to lie but I am still soo happy I have my children they are honestly the reason I never ended my life because they need me! Anyways life is so beautiful with children and I know once this is under control and I have the tools and meds I will be okay and I just can’t wait!

Booknerd7

Date posted: 13h

@🍒Kk123🍒 This is so encouraging! Yes I’m getting all the help I need. Thanks for the hopeful encouragement it really means a lot to me and it makes me happy to see that you’re getting through it as well, despite being very difficult, I can’t even imagine how hard it is. 🥺❤️❤️

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