Honestly, I’ve had an awful week. I spent several hours googling, had a few anxiety attacks, and several breakup urges. I feel miserable. I’m not really sure what to do because I feel like I’m in too deep of a pit to recover.
when i’m having intrusive thoughts about my relationship, i just try to remind myself that there’s always something to wonder about. what if there’s someone better for me? what if we break up? what if i don’t like them enough? the questions are endless. which may not sound helpful, and maybe it won’t be for you, but for me it helps to remember that there’s nothing wrong with me for thinking this way and that there’s a million unanswered questions i could think about. i’m not having these thoughts because i want them, in having them because OCD is attacking the things that i love, and it will use whatever it has to do so. i try to let the thought be and not engage. instead of sitting there and thinking about all the people that could be better for me or all the fights we could get in or all the things that could lead us to break up, i stop myself in my tracks and say “this is an intrusive thought, and i’m not going to engage with it”. it doesn’t always work, but usually it does. it is really uncomfortable but it eases slowly
@saturnonearth That’s really wise. Thank you!
@AbiBrooke Yes, I have ROCD as well. These are just OCD intrusive thoughts and you will recognize them the more you do ERP because regardless of the theme the thoughts never bring clarity. Just what if and trying to anylise or figure them out only feeds them and make them more intense. If you think you figure out the answer it will just bring up another question and each answer another question because you can't reason with OCD. Remember OCD attacks what and who we care about. Its the doubting disorder. I try not to talk to my partner with an OCD thought regarding our relationship I let it be there and use ERP. I use to seek resurrance from him however; that feeds OCD as well. If you feel its a general concern like a pet peeve or something thats clear but random intrusive thoughts about our relationship are just that intrusive, unwanted so learning to not engage, neutral response are best or whatever ERP tools will help you move through them. It sounds like he a really good guy and OCD is attacking that. I have experienced much of the same in my relationship.
@Stephaniewermers@gmail.com I hear ya. Honestly, I’m really struggling with ERP. My thoughts aren’t always clear, and it feels like when they are, some of them are general concerns or pet peeves. But my brain is catastrophizing on top of that. For example, I get hooked whenever my bf misspeaks. Like if he stumbles on his words or says um or mispronounces something because then he might be a bad communicator and then our relationship is doomed. But honestly, I think part of me is obsessing ABOUT obsessing so I feel like I HAVE to analyze it so then I get hooked even when I don’t need to.
@AbiBrooke I've been there too when I was first in ERP my OCD spun out of control. It latched onto things it wouldn't normally, it was as if my OCD was fighting back which makes sense as we are learning a new way to manage these thoughts with Exposure Response Therapy. I definitely understand mine with ROCD, POCD, Sexual orientation, it was jumping around to different themes. It took me about 5 months of ERP to learn to not engage them and the different responses whether neutral or even sarcasm works to help to not compulsion. I still struggle with my checking/rechecking things and my perfectionism. Other themes will pop up to however they are usually more like background noise. Its not a quick fix but a journey and I know it can be do distressing. Im sorry for what you are going through. By the way I would anylize if I was doing ERP right. We can obsess about anything with OCD.
I’m sorry you’re having a really rough week - those of us with OCD knows what that feels like. Please know that it won’t always feel this way, even though in the moment it’s brutal
Sorry you are having a hard week. I feel like you are never in too deep. You can always fix something. Do you wanna talk more? I’m happy to just listen if that’s what you need. :)
@Miamoomoo1130 Thank you for the support. I just have been caught in partner-focused obsessions all week. I’m obsessing about his intelligence, our conversations, how he interacts with people, how he talks. It’s to the point where I analyze literally every word that comes out of his mouth. My thoughts are saying that I don’t love him and shouldn’t be with him, that I’m stuck like this, that staying with him would be a big mistake. And he’s just been so sweet and loving through it but I feel like it doesn’t even matter to me. It’s horrible.
@AbiBrooke Can you talk to him about this?
@Miamoomoo1130 I have several times. He knows. But he can’t exactly fix it for me.
@AbiBrooke Have you explained your thoughts and feelings fully? Has he been sweet when you’ve talked? If he does really love and care about you like you say, he will want to help anyway he can. I know he can’t change your thoughts and OCD emotions, but just know it’s normal and okay. Maybe think of the analogy they are like clouds just passing by. They might storm, create rain, or just float by. No matter what there is always clear sky under those clouds. You will notice those cloud, but you can’t stop them. So don’t try too. Let them exist and float by. Acknowledge but don’t engage. Everything will be okay in the end no matter what. I am here for you.
@Miamoomoo1130 Thank you friend! Yeah I’ve explained them fully. And yes he’s been very sweet and wanting to help. He’s very mentally tough it seems because I’ve said some unkind things to him and he just wants to support me.
Is that helpful? Wish to talk more?
@Miamoomoo1130 Is it helpful to talk to him? Yeah. But I really want to get good at helping myself
I was asking if I was helpful sorry 😂
@Miamoomoo1130 Ohhh, yeah I always appreciate the encouragement and reminder to disengage
Glad I could help. ;)
I’ve had a terrible week myself, after more than a year of OCD staying in the background and not causing much distress. When the anxiety goes past a certain point the compulsions get so strong. I’ve been able to reduce the severity of this spike by deciding that my emotions and body can feel and whatever they want, but I refuse to engage in the ocd content. You’ll get through this. Wishing you peace and comfort very soon
@Simon I’m so sorry to hear that:( thank you for the encouragement, we’re not alone
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