Spiraling after looking for porn.

TW: Discussion of pornography I was looking for a specific video pertaining to one of my fetishes (not anything illegal) and I came across a video that had two people that looked like younger teenagers. Like, 15. I scrolled away, but then felt like I needed to verify their age, and looked at it again, then clicked off with incredible haste when I realized they looked VERY young. They were PROBABLY adults that just looked young, that's kinda how the porn industry works, but I'm freaking the hell out now feeling like I saw CP. It even has like, 7 million views. Which just... Eugh. Even if they are adults, I always thought that "petite" and "teen" videos were a bit gross. I really need to kick my porn addiction, but it's been my only coping mechanism since I was a teen myself. I sometimes shudder wondering what weird shit I've watched that I probably shouldn't.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 8w

I have a really really bad time with pornography as well. Yesterday i binged several different porn and some of it included celebrities but they are animated and it makes me feel like shit because of shame and guilt. A lot of the times I've searched for porn that I'm ok with I found really messed up, terrible shit that people have made and it shows up in the search results. Fictional characters that I know for a fact are basically kids get sexualized and put in these awful scenarios but people get away with it because they aren't real human beings. A lot of people watch taboo, strange things but they don't have any attraction to them in real life which I think is quite normal. What sucks though is the shame that comes with that. I'm really trying to shake the habit of doing this for good because it makes me feel like garbage in the long run. I lose sleep, I ruminate about going to jail about it, I think it makes me the opposite of what I say my morals are.

Anonymous

Date posted: 8w

Porn is always on or I’m fantasizing of it. The more taboo the more I like it. It’s crazy

ChristIsKing

Date posted: 15h

Funny enough this is one of my biggest issues. I over the years consumed porn that was intense (rape/cnc, incest etc) and only once I quit porn for good by the Grace of God did I ever begin to worry about the content of it. More so things like:”was that legal to watch?” Or “what if they weren’t all actually consenting?” And “what if they were actually underaged?” And so on and so forth. This mostly stems from I used some seedy websites such as motherless and 4chan. I’ve had success firstly avoiding rumination and avoiding compulsively googling things about legality, accidental viewing and etc. that will make me spiral. But also just sitting with the thought and honestly embracing it such as “ok all of thst was illegal nobody was consenting and they were underaged now what” and the brain stops in its tracks on it and goes “well then you goto jail” and I have to respond simply “ok then I guess I’ll goto jail” and that pretty much ends it usually. Living with the uncertain in your mind is what kills ocds core issue. Practice this and you will have much more success.

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