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I am really sorry you’re in this much pain. What you’re describing feels absolutely terrifying , and you’re not crazy. This is exactly how OCD works. OCD doesn’t feel like uncertainty. It feels like a horrible known truth you’re trying to escape. It creates a false sense of certainty, urgency, guilt, and doom , even when the story makes no sense. That’s the disorder. OCD says: “If you feel this bad, it must be true.” “If it feels obvious, it must be real.” “If you can’t get relief, you must be in denial.” That’s the OCD trap. Your brain is generating a false danger story and then demanding you solve it. The more you analyze, confess, review your past, or try to prove your innocence, the deeper the loop goes. Our brains can believe all kinds of things. I don’t know about you, but I used to truly believe Santa was real. The brain accepted that story as reality. In the same way, OCD can make a false story feel completely real , with emotions, images, and “evidence” to match. That doesn’t make the story true. It means your brain is misfiring. Feeling depressed, hopeless, on edge, and stuck in endless mental agony is not proof of guilt. It’s a symptom of being trapped in an OCD loop. You’re not avoiding truth. You’re stuck in a neurological fear trap. You are not your thoughts. You are not your feelings. And this pain is not proof of anything about your character or your past. This is OCD. And it is treatable.

Hi, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I'm sure this is alot of pain to endure by your self but I promise you that you aren't in denial or that that's you because that's what OCD does. It loves to tell us it's us and we deeply believe it's truly us. However, it attaches to our fears. If you need someone to talk to I'm here.

From what you told me, it really sounds like you’re being gaslit by your ocd. Believing the truth that you’re being tricked by your ocd is the light at the end of the tunnel. If it’s hard, that’s because ocd is trying hard to tear you down, but you just have to keep getting back up. Keep doing it until you truly believe. God bless you 🤍

I am really sorry you’re going through this. What you’re describing is very common . OCD loves to use false memories and reinterpret them in the most terrifying way possible. It also creates the trap of: “What if I’m in denial or suppressing the truth?” Definitely that fear itself is a classic OCD. A good therapist absolutely would consider OCD here. This is textbook OCD content. Right now this might feel really hard to deal with, but trust me — with support you can start feeling better. Right now your brain is struggling with heavy guilt or shame. Let’s trust that there is help. Try a therapist from NOCD who is trained to help you. It will get better. I been there. I’m so glad you’re taking steps toward recovery by sharing your struggles that many can relate to. 💛