please help me out.. is this rocd???

your relationship with your boyfriend sounds really stable! I experienced rocd in my past relationship and had these same exact thoughts and worries. the main helpful thing was telling the difference between ocd, and normal passing thoughts. from what you've said, it sounds a lot like ocd, and ocd targets our favorite things and people. I pinky promise you it gets better, remind yourself these are just thoughts, but not real. you do not need to make any decisions about how you feel in the relationship right now, this is time for you to heal.

and even at times where ive felt better it would immediately switch to me worrying if he loves me. this is all so confusing but this has been non stop. its hard to eat or even take care of myself. im working to get therapy and most definitely and hopefully a diagnosis i just want to fix myself i feel so stuck and scared. hes my best friend and was/is the love of my life

i did start self reassuring myself after my boyfriend stopped reassuring me because he did his own research on rocd. we are pretty healthy our arguments are more like bicker moments. but other than that we have never had issues of any kind but found myself nitpicking at absolutely anything as well.

Quiting your job can be a big decision and when making a big change while in a healthy stable relationship it can trigger ocd that manifests on things that can be unrelated to the trigger. I know ow because I've been there. Specifically work related events that then became ROCD. Once the work related stress was gone my ROCD lessened significantly. Had the same happen with work stress and Health ocd. Just try to take it easy. The thoughts you have can't hurt you or your partner. They have no real power. They just exist. I like to imagine them as mental clouds that dissipate as they pass by.

Try and practice letting the thoughts go. It's very hard especially when they pick at everything. I sometimes have to figure out what the OCD needs to go away whether it's identifying that it's just a thought, or that there is no certainty (it thrives off of you trying to figure things out), or just sitting with the discomfort. You gotta breathe through it. My therapist gave me a video: https://youtu.be/vjKltKKSur8?si=2f1LnPMIJdlgTgit This one helps me practice on letting some thoughts go. Headspace has been super helpful for sleep meditation too. I've done pretty much everything you've done. Relationships are always evolving as we get older and that's ok. We just live in the moment and just let things be. It's hard too when you want to do right by your partner but you also have to do right by yourself by allowing yourself to have these doubts and not giving them power. They don't have power. The more we focus on it the more important it becomes to obssess about it. So when you try to let them go by just treating them as a passing thought, don't be afraid to let them slip by without having to figure anything out. It's ok.