:(:(:( dang.

This morning hasn't been a good start, again. This morning while I was with my friends, I was looking around and sorta twitching (Which the twitching I can't control, but looking around I do it when nervous and since paranoia gets in the way even in normal settings) and a group of classmates walks by us, I accidentally made eye contact with one of them and they say: "What's that girl looking at? What's she looking at for? And that ugly ass haircut." (Which FYI I have a hime cut, did it on accident myself while trying to give myself some face framing if that makes sense- others have complimented on and I personally like it.. "^.^ so I don't know) And I felt my ears burning red, no one else caught on it but I didn't say anything about it. I already am self concious and perfectionist with my looks as well and OCD nags me about it, and my hair is flat and staticy a lot of the times and I don't dress as prettied up as other students, (at school, at home it's the opposite) and when I do dress up at school it's like- hm. Then with my friend group ROCD kinda flared and I tried to sound as cool and haha jokey as possible but I felt so self concious about my voice and the way I spoke + presented myself. And also I just felt odd so that sucked. Then midway 1st block of class, LOCKDOWN happens and all I heard in the corner was cop cars. I was sort of trembling in the corner and a classmate gave me gummies to calm me down (💜 thank you, was an aquaintance/buddy in the class) and then afterwards I had to head to 2nd block. 2nd block of class, Existential OCD came in and I began to ruminate of my current age and past childhood and what I could've done better, if the future is even worth it, and yadda yadda Real Event OCD also intertwined with it and it just wasn't fun. I felt distressed. ;^( 3rd block, I still have my 11 assignments that I need to have done by Thursday. =) I want to cry right now... I'm still shaking quite a bit. But for now time to study..! So wish me luck.