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Hello sailorvenus, I understand how distressing it can be to have intrusive thoughts about your relationship, especially when they seem to contradict your values and feelings. It's important to remember that these thoughts are a common part of OCD and don't define your true feelings. Compulsions like rumination can provide temporary relief but often lead to more distress. If you’d like additional support, feel free to book a free call with our NOCD team. We’d be happy to share more information and explore ways to help. No one has to live in fear of their own thoughts. Take care, Ian M. Reeder