Subconciously forcing attraction

18+ only I believe I'm asexual, I suffer from POCD and I think SOOCD and feel like I have to force my attraction to women to disprove intrusive thoughts but my OCD just objectifies and sexualises everything and just want it to stop. When I'm doing a checking compulsion to p*rn (Nothing bad obviously) the groinals are different, most of the time, it's more of a tingling down there usually but then most of the time it's an erection when doing the compulsion but I feel like I have to do the compulsion or the intrusive thoughts are true even though I really don't like the feeling or having a groinal no matter what but I'm worried the groinal being different means I'm not asexual, sometimes my groinals are also erections when not doing the compulsion and if I get one it'll stick around for ages when I just want it to go away. Maybe I've used porn as a destresser for so long I've conditioned myself to have a different groinal idk. Then I had an intrusive image and thought combo implying I should compare it by doing something awful, which of course I'd never do but why can't this just leave me alone

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Now I had a random groinal for like no reason and it's still kinda there but I was like "Is this going to be an erection or something else" and then my OCD tried saying I was forcing it and liked them and I just want it all to stop

Amanda63

Date posted: Yesterday

I’m not sure if I’m 100% following what you’re experiencing so forgive me, but I’ve done compulsory things when trying to prove or disprove my sexuality to myself. Like, if I watch this explicit video of a girl and my body reacts, that means I’m not straight. Maybe I am straight, maybe I’m not, but this compulsion isn’t going to be the end-all, be-all answer I’m looking for, because that 100% definite answer doesn’t exist. And I’m clearly not satisfied with that “answer” I get after the compulsion because I keep asking the question and repeating the compulsion. What’s been working for me is trying to accept that I’m never going to know these things with absolute certainty. And then the intrusive thoughts become easier to brush off

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I'm just scared that my groinals are different when it comes to SOOCD triggers and that they're not actually groinals but they last so long and I hate it and sometimes can coincide with other triggers related to POCD (For instance, I was trying to reconfirm and make sure someone was safe and when I was doing that, in a podcast they mentioned a random high school story about the person and I still had a ya know and I'm scared I was itching or wiping my private parts at the same time because my OCD associated it with horrible things (I'm sorry if I'm being crass or inappropriate, it's not my intention) EDIT: I just had a groinal again related to SOOCD and it was the same as the normal groinals which I hate but at the same time I felt a sense of relief? Like, thank god it is the same

Amanda63

Date posted: 19h

@Anonymous You’re not being inappropriate, no worries. Our bodies react to all kinds of different things for different reasons, and that reaction doesn’t necessarily relate to our mind or what we want or desire. And I think I understand what you mean by feeling relieved that the experience is the same

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