Uncertainty or denial

Whenever I try to do exposures on this obsession, I freak out and end up doing a gazillion compulsions because I just don't know how to sit with the distress it causes me. It's like no matter what I do, my mind won't stop lying to me about this thing. If I don't engage with it, I get extremely anxious and don't know how to feel okay with the possibility of this. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. My OCD has grabbed onto my parents in the past, but never this badly. It's trying to convince me I don't love them or if I did love them, I don't anymore. And when I feel clarity, it doesn't last long. I know I can't ask for reassurance, but I'm just wondering if anyone else deals with something similar. My OCD has always been strange and given me obsessions that just didn't make any sense. I hope to be able to ground myself soon.

Kevin V

Date posted: 16h

As someone who has a horrible habit of doing mental compulsions, I can very much understand. You should allow the anxiety to exist. It's uncomfortable. It makes you want to do something about it, now. But you don't need to do that. You can just let it flow through you and describe to yourself what you are feeling and what you are thinking. As you describe it to yourself, the anxiety begins to make more sense and you understand that your body is in alert mode because it wants to protect you. It cares for you. The unease and concern are just it's way of trying to help you. When you start to acknowledge those feelings, your body slowly begins to understand that the threat has been acknowledged, and it eventually begins to ease up. It's a slow process, but over days or weeks, it will begin to decrease the priority of that "threat".

izzyshaw17

Date posted: 15h

Thank you, Kevin! I appreciate you responding. I've been in therapy for a few years and so not being fully capable of practicing uncertainty yet is driving me crazy. I'm currently in a theme where I'm doubting if I ever had OCD and if I'm just messed up. I know that's part of OCD, but it's soooo hard to just accept it. I hope I can get through this rough patch and heal more soon. I appreciate your advice and will try to practice it. Have a wonderful day 🫶🏻

Kevin V

Date posted: 15h

@izzyshaw17 Yeah, I myself am still having a bit of a hard time accepting uncertainty, since I have a very strong desire for control (over certain things). I've only been in therapy for 3 weeks, and I'm still wondering on how much my OCD is actually capable of remitting. The only thing that makes me certain I have OCD is that there's 10 years of symptoms, with it continuously getting worse. I've managed to work through it every time before, but this time is the toughest it's ever been, and so I finally had to bite the bullet and seek a professional to help me. It's a slow start, but it's the 6th week, and things are definitely looking up, even if true happiness seems so far away. Part of it has been my therapist, but I've put in some work myself too. I wish you the best. ❤️

izzyshaw17

Date posted: 15h

@Kevin V Thank you for sharing. I feel the same way. I'm scared of my OCD never getting better and sometimes I even get this thought that maybe I don't want it to get better because I won't know what to do with myself. OCD took away my drive for things, my interest in my hobbies, and my ability to socialize. I want all of those back, but it's the hardest battle I've ever fought. I have low hope for the future because of it, but I have SOME and that's what matters to me. I am glad that you are getting help too. Wishing you luck and the best 🫶🏻

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