Adulthood

I’m 18, turning 19 in April on the 23rd. I’m so scared not to be a teenager anymore, 18 was already hard enough. Graduated May last year, I still live at home, but I am looking into college classes around here as well as public transportation specifically for people with disabilities like my OCD and autism. During high school I was honestly too depressed to even think about anything but the past and present. I couldn’t fathom the future. But now I am here. I cried during graduation, not happy tears. Becoming an adult feels like a safety blanket being taken away, I know 19 is still a teenager but what’s after that? I’m gonna be 20. Then 21, 22, 23, it goes on and soon I’ll be 40. Not a child. I still feel like a child, I act like one. I’m hardly independent despite how much I want to be. During the summer I am hopefully going to be attending a 1 week program at my current dream college, I want nothing more to live in a dorm and experience the university lifestyle but the steps there now that I’m out of school are difficult. I feel like I’m wasting my life. I don’t want to be 20 and living in a dorm because I feel like I’ll be too old and not get to experience the teenage college lifestyle. Does any of this make sense, I don’t know. I’m just dumping this all out.

VVbee

Date posted: 18h

First of all, I am so sorry about the graduation. 🫂💜 Those moments should be a feeling of accomplishment and pride, not something to be upset about but I understand why you would react that way. :^( Next of all, you just described my exact fear word by word . I'm still in highschool, but it won't be long until I graduate as well- and the feeling of losing teenagehood feels dreadful. I think what makes things worse is my real events and the amount of times I did things kids shouldn't have been doing- it's as if I hear younger teenagers now being teenagers or people describing their childhood and I almost feel jealous. (In a way ? Obviously not that I wouldn't want them to have a great childhood, absolutely not my thought ! But I wish I had it that way as well, you know ?) And it was all on me since I was born into a safe family environment and such. I have issues with mental health and I haven't gotten the help I needed, I feel depressed but I still continue to try and make the most of my childhood since I don't want to turn into an adult. The thought of growing up makes me want to throw up.

VVbee

Date posted: 18h

I still act cringey and like a child and doing things others my age may find annoying, and the struggle with independence is relatable. You're not alone on this and if you need to vent more about it, I'm definitely here . <3

gio

Date posted: 18h

@VVbee Thank you :) I hope we both are able to cope with this, it’s definitely scary to transition from kid to adult.

LKRoseCity

Date posted: 18h

Welllllllll...... im probably the wrong person to say this. BUuuuuuuuttt a good portion of the population would never send their kids to a university, dont support going to college anymore, unless ur going to be a surgeon or something, annnnnnd, if u look deep enough into history, college is 90% a scam.

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