How do you handle having a discriminatory or bad thought and feeling guilty? I usually pray about it, but as a Christian, I feel like praying for forgiveness isn’t enough; I need to pray constantly. OCD causes me to continuously think the thought and pray for forgiveness in a cycle. Does having bad thoughts that come out of the blue or imagining worst-case scenarios make you an evil person?
Fun fact: praying can be a compulsion if you are doing it in an attempt to control the uncontrollable. Be careful God doesn’t expect perfection and a life without sin. This app is full of people like this!
God understands that we are human. Bad and Disturbing thoughts will happen. Even the holiest Pope or Pastor has them. Its really about continuing to be a good person with good intentions. God loves you no matter what, and he sees that you are trying to be a good person.
In therapy, one of the first things I learned was that thoughts are something your body supplies you. They bubble up from your senses and subconscious all on their own—something that happens outside of your control. Thoughts are not a “sign”, they are not “actions”, and they do not define you. You are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are not acts you have committed. They are just thoughts. Through ERP, you learn that when you are exposed to your fears (for example, to an intrusive thought) you have the power to choose what to do with that thought. Do you interact? Do you let it pass on through? You can choose to feed OCD by interacting with a scary thought, or you can choose to enjoy your life and let a disturbing thought float away, too! You are stronger than your OCD, it just takes practice to realize it. 💪
I’m not sure if this helps, but God formed you and knew you, your mistakes, and your thoughts before you were even born. Do you really think an all knowing and all loving God would judge you by thoughts you don’t want to have? Of course not! He’s with you in periods of distress and hes with you when you use the tools ERP gives you to let those thoughts pass. He will never turn his back on you.
What you’re describing is having ocd and having ocd does not make you an evil person.
You are not alone. I suffer from this too. I think because OCD exploits our worst fears of being a bad person, for me it is racist thoughts. They just pop into my head. But as j vv said thoughts are not you, and for us the conditions in our brain that influence what thoughts pop up include our OCD. For me I think it is all connected to harm OCD- I am so deeply afraid of causing harm. One thing to consider is that you are probably experiencing these as intrusive thoughts that are ego-dystonic (inconsistent with your sense of self). I’ve come to realize that my immediate reaction to these racist thoughts is disgust and revulsion. Thoughts that really reflect who you really are not uncomfortable in that way.
Your OCD is manifesting through your religion. Do your best to leave God out of it. He has both to do with OCD. Happened to me.
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