The need to be “good” + self esteem

I am not sure if i have ocd as i am not diagnosed but i know I do obsess over morality. E.g. I once had to perform something I felt was culturally insensitive for an exam (there was like 5 people in the audience and none were offended or hurt by it) and it made me physically ill for weeks after due to stress and feeling evil. I frequently obsess over the idea I might one day have to do jury service and that also really upsets me. I also get “taboo” thoughts that cause varying levels of distress. Unlike some people I have never worried I secretly enjoy these thoughts, however having them at all or having any accompanying physical symptoms makes me feel like that makes me just as bad. I can’t watch anything psychological as I am afraid of becoming insane or having my mind altered. I also LOVE video games but I cant play story choice games in case i make a bad or mean choice accidentally because I worry that impacts my worth as a person even though I know its not real. I am not worried I have hurt a real person just that I know I could have done if it was real. Anyway my question is how do i work on my own sense of inner confidence? I feel like my whole sense of worth is based on whether people think im a good person or not. And if they do my brain is like yeah but if they knew about *insert ocd theme* their opinion would change. My last bit of confusion is that because a lot of mine are mental. I’m not sure what my exact compulsions are so i dont know what to stop doing. Except rumination i definitely do. Also in the video game context i will never play the game again (avoidance?) or i will reload a really old save and play it all again to make the character “happy” i cant do anything else until this is complete. I do google a lot and scroll. I also have a checking physical sensations one sometimes related to intrusive thoughts but i dont know how to stop this because its like immediate. I also have a compulsion where i have to empty my bladder even when its not full. When i was younger i would tell on myself to adults for often seemingly minor things (confessing something i felt i had done wrong) teachers found this odd. I once cried after swearing in a room no one else was in (also as a kid) because i felt so bad. Sorry this is so lengthy. This is the first time i have admitted that i could have ocd to anyone other than my family and a couple of very close friends. I have attempted to do this in a way where I am not compulsively confessing every detail but I am still new to posting on here. If anyone has any general or vague suggestions that would be great as I need a bit more confidence before trying something like therapy. Also if anyone has struggled with morality obsessions or has overcome them it would be nice to know 🩷 (I just put a trigger warning because I’m not sure what triggers people have) I’ve edited this like 4 times idk if that can be ocd too or whether that is just perfectionism but yeah