Terrified

21 days until my birthday. I’m actually so scared and nauseous. I don’t want to turn 19 it really scares me knowing I will not be a teen after that, I can hardly articulate why exactly. It feels like I wasted my teen years and like a safety blanket has been pulled off. I graduated last year in May on the 19th and I really was just sad the whole time. I hate that I still miss school I really do. I miss navigating around the building and being surrounded by peers, when it felt like I was still young and a child. I still feel like a kid, I act like one and even look like one too. I also took a gap year after school because I was too depressed to think about anything but the here and now and whatever intrusive thoughts I had that day. During the summer I will be attending a pre college sort of thing and living on campus for a whole week alone. If I truly love it there I hope I can go and have time there when I am still technically a teen, the idea of being 20 actually makes me physically sick and I’m scared. Today I should be happier, I just was able to secure public transportation for people with disabilities to help them become more independent. The passage of time is my biggest fear truly.

Juliette26

Date posted: 7h

Turning 19 was scary, and I still am 19. My OCD tried to make it miserable, and was attacking everything. 18 and 19 are really hard. You are allowed to still feel like a kid as long as you take care of what you need to. I still do. Nothing changes but the number. 20 is intimidating and come November there is a chance ill have a hard time. I know it'll end okay, nothing can be as bad as 18 when I got a duck tattooed on mu foot. It will be hard, but you'll be okay. Time is terrifying, I struggle to understand people who wish it away. Time is what gives us opportunities. We grow and learn and realize why it means so much. It hurts so bad because of the things you have experienced, but there is so much more your life has in store. You've got this!

gio

Date posted: 7h

@Juliette26 Thank you, I’m sorry that you had a hard time too :( I try to remind myself that life really is just starting and time will always be passing even if I don’t want it to. I hope that you don’t have a hard time on your 20th. I appreciate your support ❤️‍🩹 OCD is such an awful thing and really attacks anything it can.

countingsheep

Date posted: 6h

As someone who's also turning 19 soon, all I can say is that I relate. It's hard when you feel like you didn't use your younger years to the best of your ability, but it's important to remind yourself that you were working with the only tools you had ❤️ And it's just as important to know that life doesn't end when you get older either. Even though I'm scared and don't really feel prepared for what adult life entails, I find myself excited anyway. If anything it's just more time to find out who I am and what makes me into a better person/how good life can be. If you do end up going to college, there are so many new experiences to try out. Even if not and even past then there is still so much life has to offer. Take care of yourself. I believe in you :)

Taovryou

Date posted: 6h

i’m turning 19 this year as well and although that seems intimidating I have to remind myself to not look so far into the future because that’s what causes anxiety, we can’t live out 1-2 years in 30 seconds in our minds but sometimes that’s what happens. Take it one day at a time! side note: you’re not alone, i also planned to attend college in December and couldn’t do it because my mind was too occupied with OCD and my mental health was just 👎🏽 and it kind of still is but i’m working on it. I hope it gets better for you!

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