Feeling horrible lately

A few days ago we got two birds from a expo and now i feel horrible abt it. My sibling was the one who really wanted a bird, i only expected them to get a small bird like a canary. But we ended up leaving with 2 conures and 2 finch's. I didnt expect my mom to get 2 finchs. I only thought we were getting one bird but now I feel so guilty for having in when my sister asked if we should get the 2 conures. I thought having a pet would give me something to do and help distract me from my intrusive thoughts. But now I feel my OCD has really latched onto them. Before these two birds, a month ago we got a conure from the pet store but he didn't wanna interact with us and it made me feel so much guilt that we took it back the next day because we sensed something was wrong. Turns out he was already sick before we got him so it wasn't our fault or anything. Im so scared this makes me an ab.ser to the current birds we have because we cant have a bigger cage in our home but always let them out most of the day and hang out with them. But they use to the cage for sleep and eating. I feel like a terrible person and reading threads on reddit about people's strong opinions in the bird community it intensifies my OCD. Im an idiot for thinking I could handle this. I feel like a terrible selfish person

Burnsey

Date posted: 5d

Hey, man; I know it’s tough, but look, the birds are probably ok. What you’re doing to yourself is not. It’s ok to feel bad about the bird; maybe even tell them you feel bad that the birds aren’t in a larger cage. Sounds like they get to go out and play and still get a place to be safe. Probably a sweet gig for a bird.

ocd0372

Date posted: 5d

I'm just worried that if I end up getting a job. I won't be able to let them out during the day. Since everyone at home will be busy with their own things. This is one of the reasons stressing me out.

emily_m13

Date posted: 5d

hi there! this honestly sounds really exhausting and i can definitely see how ocd would latch onto something like this, especially with reading a bunch of intense opinions online and this being something you care about so much. i also think constantly checking reddit/bird forums is probably making the guilt spiral worse. people can be ruthless without good reason. obviously pets are a real responsibility, but beating yourself up 24/7 usually doesn’t actually help you take care of them better. you’re doing the best you can and that’s okay! maybe you’ll learn some things along the way. maybe there’s no way to be 10000% perfect. you’re a caring and attentive person and maybe that’s good enough!

ocd0372

Date posted: 5d

I mean I've seen people say if you cant provide them for a proper set up. Then to not get a bird at all. We still got it. Even tho i tried telling my family abt a bigger cage but we cant since it wont really fit in our home, So i just stopped saying anything because no one will really listen or think im being extra especially because birds are very sensitive animals, and bc i feel like i have no say in this. I just feel like I trapped myself again. I really hope to someday get them a bigger cage. But that would probably be a while.

ocd0372

Date posted: 5d

Om also just scared of making a mistake that costs their lives. I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive myself if they died in my care. I get bad intrusive thoughts abt that aswell. Since a lot of things can be a hazard to them so I always supervise them out of extreme fear

OC-She

Date posted: 5d

I know you want to get out of this situation, but the stress it’s bringing up might be a sign that you’re doing the right thing for yourself and for improving your OCD. Unfortunately/fortunately, the only way out is through! Something that helps me as a pet owner is remembering that pretty much all animals just want a calm safe place to live, the ability to move around a bit, consistent food & water, and friends (human or otherwise.) They don’t need things to be perfect, just the basics are more than enough.

ocd0372

Date posted: 5d

I agree, its just hard to be positive about this because a lot of bird owners online whether it be youtube or reddit, are super against small cages anyway. So idk if our birds personal routine matters at all to experts. I just want them to be happy:(

ocd0372

Date posted: 5d

But I feel like i cant say anything to my family because I know it will cause tension and it'll only frustrate them. Especially my sibling because she got them for me to make me feel better but since I'm already struggling with my OCD still. I dont know what to do. I feel like I have completely trapped myself even tho after returning the first bird. I actively told my sister I did not want a bird again, and that if they got a smaller bird like the canary, then i would distance myself. I cannot handle the guilt

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