Don’t know how to get a gf/ maybe asexual

I don’t like myself. I’m a 20 yo man and OCD has stripped everything of moral value I held and I don’t even know who I am or what I want to do anymore. I feel extremely lonely because I want a girlfriend and can’t seem get one. I’ve tried so many things and it never works out. I don’t even know if I like sex because I’ve never had the opportunity with someone I actually like. I know I want the romantic aspect of it but when I try to imagine having sex I get nervous and it kills my libido. The fact I’m unsure of this holds me back from truly searching for a gf because I don’t wanna drag someone down with me if I cant even have sex. Having game and being able to have sex are 2 very important things in my mind that would make me proud of myself, but I have neither of those things and I don’t know how to figure them out.

Anonymous

Date posted: 9h

I’m a girl and I have struggled with the same thing! I used to think I was asexual but I think I just have a hard time thinking about stuff unless I really know the person. Tbh i still don’t know what to do either but it’s nice to know i’m not alone

Gavin Horst

Date posted: 9h

@Anonymous Thanks for replying, I’ve been pretty depressed about this and it’s nice to know I’m not alone as well. How long have you struggled with this if you don’t mind me asking?

mjr-rust

Date posted: 9h

You're not alone man! But I just wanted to say you don't have to have either of those things to be a cool person; find pride in yourself and not on the basis of others. Maybe try finding an LGBTQ or similar dating app and matching with some demisexual/asexual women? You won't have the expectation of sex placed upon you (though some non-asexual people still definitely accept discomfort or no want of sex from their partner!), but I know many asexual people are still open to having the experience. Even just befriending people like that might give the space for you to understand yourself better even if you're not asexual. You still have so much time to find someone to be with and it can take just as long finding the right person.

Gavin Horst

Date posted: 7h

@mjr-rust The thing is I don’t know if I’m asexual or demisexual so im worried trying that will make it worse

mjr-rust

Date posted: 6h

@Gavin Horst You don't have to put on a label on it! It just might be helpful to have room to explore your relationship with sex with people who understand. But I get that it might your anxiety worse so do what you think will work for you.

lynlynn

Date posted: 7h

I don’t know if this is great advice, but would you could try to do is put all the love that you want to give to a girlfriend to yourself. like take yourself out on dates, buy yourself presents, I don’t know if you already do this but maybe then you’ll learn what you want in a relationship because you already practiced on yourself! :) and then whenever you do try to get into a relationship you won’t be overthinking as much!! :)

aralways

Date posted: 6h

You are young, it’s ok :) I know that’s not always super reassuring to hear though. And as far as not wanting to “drag someone down” you just gotta communicate, you’re definitely not alone in how you feel. I’m demisexual, but I also have PTSD from sexual experiences in the past which makes sex incredibly hard and maybe even impossible for me - and I usually communicate that pretty early into relationships. I worry that it will hold me back from relationships also. But I share this just to say that there are so many people out there, each with different experiences. It’s not impossible to find someone who doesn’t require sex in relationships, and it’s also not impossible that you’ll find someone who’s also unsure but then you both end up comfortable with it.

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